I see glimpses of sexuality but can't form the picture

[Cleo_Cleo]

Hi you all,

 

This has been a week of weird experiences. I have started dating a guy I really like last week (well, dating...we made out after our friends feel asleep while watching a movie ) and two nights ago, we slept with each other. It hasn't been my first time, but my first time in 2 years. He is a great guy, he really tried to take care of me sexually, asked me what i wanted, how i like it, if anything is stressing me out...cause i dont get wet. i just dont. no idea why.

Why am i coming to an asexual community with this? I hope you're not grossed out by me talking about sex, but im just..profoundly confused. I just don't develop a libido. That is, i do sometimes, but it is incredibly ephemeral and disappears after about 2-3 seconds. I do get sexually aroused during the foreplay, but it never lasts long. I have never had an orgasm, not even when I masturbate. It's always this-- for some seconds i feel i've got the hang of it, and then the feeling just disappears. I don't feel sexually frustrated afterwards, just sad, because i have the feeling something is missing. It wasn't different with my first boyfriend, i guess he just didn't care that much about my pleasure, so i didn't have to think about what i like and want during sex.

What i do have are sexual dreams. And in these dreams, i feel a sex drive and the need to share it with somebody. It feels like my body can't translate this into real life with real human beings. I do want to be close to this guy, and I do enjoy being touched, massaged,... but I don't get aroused. But I want to.

 

Has anybody had the same experience, or ideas what is going on with me?

[Space-Ace-Android]

Even though I have no libido (no need to masturbate, not feeling like something is missing, doesn't even want to kiss) I shall do my best to help. You could be on the gray-sexual spectrum, as you feel sexual attraction in dreams. For now, enjoy the experience with your boyfriend, and let it take you to wherever it takes you

 

 

CAKE

 

[Cleo_Cleo]

Thanks for your response.. it feels good connect to somebody about this

 

[Guest]

What you're describing sounds like something that could potentially be helped with, as one example, hormonal treatment? It sounds more like you want to be able to do it but your body isn't reacting in the way you need it to, which is causing you to feel sad and like you're missing out on something important?? There are actual conditions that can cause this, especially in women, and sometimes hormonal or other treatments can help as long as you go to an understanding doctor who knows what they're doing. Is that something you'd consider do you think?

[aero58]

9 hours ago, Cleo_Cleo said:

Hi you all,

 

This has been a week of weird experiences. I have started dating a guy I really like last week (well, dating...we made out after our friends feel asleep while watching a movie ) and two nights ago, we slept with each other. It hasn't been my first time, but my first time in 2 years. He is a great guy, he really tried to take care of me sexually, asked me what i wanted, how i like it, if anything is stressing me out...cause i dont get wet. i just dont. no idea why.

Why am i coming to an asexual community with this? I hope you're not grossed out by me talking about sex, but im just..profoundly confused. I just don't develop a libido. That is, i do sometimes, but it is incredibly ephemeral and disappears after about 2-3 seconds. I do get sexually aroused during the foreplay, but it never lasts long. I have never had an orgasm, not even when I masturbate. It's always this-- for some seconds i feel i've got the hang of it, and then the feeling just disappears. I don't feel sexually frustrated afterwards, just sad, because i have the feeling something is missing. It wasn't different with my first boyfriend, i guess he just didn't care that much about my pleasure, so i didn't have to think about what i like and want during sex.

What i do have are sexual dreams. And in these dreams, i feel a sex drive and the need to share it with somebody. It feels like my body can't translate this into real life with real human beings. I do want to be close to this guy, and I do enjoy being touched, massaged,... but I don't get aroused. But I want to.

 

Has anybody had the same experience, or ideas what is going on with me?

Reading in a scientific book, I found it has been proven that men and women react differently in a sexual situation. Men get the sexual desire first and then get aroused. In women, desire and arousal happen at the same time and sometimes, arousal happens first and then the desire There are various dysfunctions in these normal processes. This from Kaplan and Sadock's Textbook of Psychiatry. I hope this helps you.

[Cala_thea]

Hi @Cleo_Cleo, I literally just made an account to respond to your post. 

 

I am honestly exactly the same. I am in a committed relationship at the moment and certainly not aromantic, but I think I have determined that I am asexual. 

 

Before this relationship I had never been sexual with anyone. I suspected that I was asexual as I had no interest in hookups, but had no way of determining it.

I also experience sexual attraction and desire in dreams, but dreams only. It confuses and frustrates the hell out of me, because there's nothing more I want than to be able to feel that with my boyfriend. Sex is a bonding activity for me, and other than achieving some closeness with my bf, doesn't do much for me physically. What I get most out of my relationship is partnership and intimacy.

 

I guess I was a late bloomer and sometimes I wonder if a lack of sexual activity in my teenage years has contributed to it? But idk. Sometimes I get really sad about it and I feel like I'm missing out on something really integral in life and love... but I'm hoping that over time this will change  right now I think of myself as graysexual. 

 

Anyway! Just wanted to say that you're not alone.