Warsaw Posted November 23, 2017 Share Posted November 23, 2017 I have a warning for some people here (Aromantic at 31.) You will watch your best friends pair off and stop talking to you. People will start viewing your Aromanticism as a lack of ability of form relationships, and thus will throw up a red flag on interaction with you. Many wont converse past prefunctury small talk because you're not married, and they can't relate to you. Some may label you as creepy. These are things I deal with often if I work with a general crossection of the public. Funny thing is I'm one of the nicest dudes you could meet, but when you tell people that you haven't pair bonded in the 16 years that it's been expected of you people start to fear the worse. Sorry for the pity party. Long story short, being Aromantic Ace is great until it's not. Never grow old. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted November 23, 2017 Share Posted November 23, 2017 Employers discriminate too because they prefer family men/women. It's seen as a negative thing not being in a relationship and maybe not having children too. I avoid work nights out because everyone brings their partner and yet they see me alone and single. Uncomfortable... Link to post Share on other sites
doggalogga Posted November 23, 2017 Share Posted November 23, 2017 Getting older sucks, whether regardless of sexuality If I had it my way, I'd be 6 forever, playing in my sandpit, or playing with my cars At six, I had no awareness of the bullshit of the world, I didn't pay taxes, believed in Santa Claus and my Grandma was still around Why would you want to grow up when you lose so many good things... But we are faced with the reality that things will change. Your true friends will accept you for who you are. I also connect with fellow aces in person, which also helps You've got to make the best of your situation. Being negative will only make things worse. There's plenty of upside to life, but you've got to want to make it better Despite the bullshit, taxes and death, there's plenty of good stuff too Link to post Share on other sites
OverwhelmedA Posted November 23, 2017 Share Posted November 23, 2017 This is what I fear the most. I already get so much expectations/judgement from narrow-minded people, and I just know worse things are about to come, especially when I reach the socially acceptable age of marriage/having kids. UGH. Link to post Share on other sites
arekathevampyre Posted November 23, 2017 Share Posted November 23, 2017 me too . Though my childhood wasn't fantasic , I would really remain there . Because as we grow old , our innocence fades and that is what scares me the most . But as an aro ace , I am pretty numb (I don't feel) to the people pairing up thing so I can say I am quite say (just that I am in need of some proper friends/family who can help me through tough times) Link to post Share on other sites
Lord Jade Cross Posted November 23, 2017 Share Posted November 23, 2017 . Link to post Share on other sites
teatree Posted November 23, 2017 Share Posted November 23, 2017 I have a different take on this, being (ahem) old! I would rather have known at the young age of 31 what my orientation actually was, instead of trying to conform to what I thought I SHOULD be. So I got married, adopted a child, went through the motions of what I thought was supposed to happen. But I wasn't happy and I didn't know why. Two years ago I "discovered" asexuality and it is such a relief. As for friends pairing off--yes, that will happen, but things just change throughout life regardless of your orientation. I have married friends, divorced friends, never-been-married friends.... I have been divorced for over 16 years and am content with where I am at. Connect with potential friends (of all ages!) based on your shared interests! Link to post Share on other sites
BobRossRules Posted November 23, 2017 Share Posted November 23, 2017 33 minutes ago, teatree said: I have a different take on this, being (ahem) old! I would rather have known at the young age of 31 what my orientation actually was, instead of trying to conform to what I thought I SHOULD be. So I got married, adopted a child, went through the motions of what I thought was supposed to happen. But I wasn't happy and I didn't know why. Two years ago I "discovered" asexuality and it is such a relief. As for friends pairing off--yes, that will happen, but things just change throughout life regardless of your orientation. I have married friends, divorced friends, never-been-married friends.... I have been divorced for over 16 years and am content with where I am at. Connect with potential friends (of all ages!) based on your shared interests! Me too! I really enjoy my life. I think I still have an innocence about the world, and want to explore and learn more things. So what if there's no Santa Claus. I also find that people stop giving a s#!t about your personal life regarding relationship and marriage. It's not really something that others ask me about a lot, and people tend to accept you as you are when you older. I get a way with more things too. The way I wear my hair or my tattoos. However, if I was younger, I think more people would feel the need to point out these things, and try to steer me in a "more appropriate" direction. Everyone gets old, every one dies.....so why not embrace it and be the best old person you can be!! Link to post Share on other sites
argar Posted November 23, 2017 Share Posted November 23, 2017 There's no Santa Clause? Link to post Share on other sites
straightouttamordor Posted November 23, 2017 Share Posted November 23, 2017 I feel ya. You hit the nail on the head friend. At least your among kindred spirits here ! Link to post Share on other sites
Lord Jade Cross Posted November 23, 2017 Share Posted November 23, 2017 . Link to post Share on other sites
daveb Posted November 23, 2017 Share Posted November 23, 2017 I agree with @teatree and @faraday☘! Quote The secret of genius is to carry the spirit of the child into old age, which means never losing your enthusiasm. Aldous Huxley Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Jetsun Milarepa Posted November 23, 2017 Share Posted November 23, 2017 Same here. As an 'old person', the least of my problems is going to be loneliness...it takes great courage to grow very old and watch your body deteriorate. Old people are tough cookies! Link to post Share on other sites
StormySky Posted November 23, 2017 Share Posted November 23, 2017 "Oh, you're just immature. You need to grow up and form relationships." "Oh yeah? You're just a buttface and I'm banning you from my pillow fort." In all seriousness, I'm 16 and I've already seen friends grow up without me. I trusted someone with my life, waited for her every day, we'd always get coffee, sketch pictures together, talk about singing, and goof off, now she ditched me to hang with the super sexual kids and acts like I'm invisible. At my lunch table, people are already talking about marriage. I want to gather my memories for these last 2 years since I may never see these friends again. Hopefully I'll find people in life who are as childlike as me, who prioritize long term friendship over settling down and having kids. They say Peter Pan syndrome is annoying, but chronic adulthood is lethal. Link to post Share on other sites
arekathevampyre Posted November 23, 2017 Share Posted November 23, 2017 1 minute ago, StormySky said: They say Peter Pan syndrome is annoying, but chronic adulthood is lethal. yeah this is it ! 💪 haters gonna hate so let them be !! Link to post Share on other sites
Space-Ace-Android Posted November 23, 2017 Share Posted November 23, 2017 I am thirteen and still collect plushies and pillows, and I have a friend whom I consider to be my little sister, we play imagination games (for instance saving the world from some dragons with a bunny) and I still enjoy kiddish movies and the sorts. I am very much kiddish, but I now know when to be thoughtful, and when to be grown up. CAKE Link to post Share on other sites
arekathevampyre Posted November 23, 2017 Share Posted November 23, 2017 @Space-Ace-Android 21 here and still collecting plushies too . Gave a lot away but still have a huge pile of them lol . I am very much a kid inside . I enjoy kids flicks as much as Iove horror And also , I used to play a lot of imagination games until about the age of 12 or so ? hahaha I still enjoy shopping at kids stores for toys and stationery ) Link to post Share on other sites
banoffeepie Posted November 23, 2017 Share Posted November 23, 2017 If I had to chose any age to go back to it wouldn't ever be my teens.. ROFL I never realised how horrible they were until I found my place in the world, became confident, was earning money, had a house and had one divorce behind me; so no expectations from anyone. Totally free and at ease with myself. If I had to return to the best age of all it would be about 30 to 32. So it seems a shame that someone at that age is full of self-pity. Enjoy the hell out of it. Link to post Share on other sites
Homer Posted November 23, 2017 Share Posted November 23, 2017 7 hours ago, Warsaw said: You will watch your best friends pair off and stop talking to you. This can (and will) happen to everyone, regardless of their orientation. The importance of certain relationships will change over time. People grow closer, people grow apart. It sucks like a Dyson but it happens to everyone. 7 hours ago, Warsaw said: People will start viewing your Aromanticism as a lack of ability of form relationships, and thus will throw up a red flag on interaction with you. I haven't experienced that, ever. I'm a friendship guy and I like to form deep and long-lasting friendships. (Doesn't save you from getting kicked in the teeth hard, mind). Yet personally I see this as a "proof" that I am indeed perfectly capable of forming a relationship (not like I need to prove this to anyone). I have never had anyone tell me "You haven't been in a relationship for 15+ years. I don't want to talk to you anymore." Nobody has ever "flagged" me because I don't do romance. When I spend my time with someone, I spend my time with them, not with their relationship status. Their orientation or status doesn't come into play, unless we end up talking about it (which is okay for me). Did people really stop talking to you because you haven't been in a romantic relationship? (If yes, is this the kind of people one would want to have in their life?) Eventually you'll reach a point where you don't give a consensual intercourse about random people's opinions at all. 7 hours ago, Warsaw said: Some may label you as creepy. Wanna "label" me "weird" or "strage" or "creepy"? Pick a number, the queue is over there Seriously though, those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. 7 hours ago, Warsaw said: but when you tell people that you haven't pair bonded in the 16 years that it's been expected of you people start to fear the worse. It has never been expected of me. Okay, my Grandma kept asking about it for years (still does it occasionally), but that's mainly because this is what she knows. People grow up, find someone, sign a contract and procreate a couple of times. A different generation with different values, which is perfectly okay. What are people supposed to "fear"? What could possibly happen to you - or to them? Is there anything in particular that happened to you that made you feel this way? Or is it some kind of conclusion you came to? Link to post Share on other sites
Janus the Fox Posted November 23, 2017 Share Posted November 23, 2017 Pretty much growing up autistic for me, affects every aspect of social life, see those get paired, find jobs etc, family included. Is the least of concern and thus life is monitoring health of my own and care for family when long-term sick. All I can do is support around the home, despite that too is limited for me. Link to post Share on other sites
Member7783 Posted November 23, 2017 Share Posted November 23, 2017 The only thing that saved me from suck-starting a shotgun years ago was realizing that I have never liked being around people and have never placed much importance on the things that fall out of their mouths. If you're different, at all, from the de facto standards of the world, you WILL be given shit for it. Guaranteed. Society operates on a herd mentality and group consciousness, and if you go against that, you'll be targeted. Oddly enough, of all the people I know who have played their role in society's expectations of spouse-kids-mortgage-yadda-yadda...not a single one of them is content with their lives. They are stressed out, perpetually tired, and they've all lost the spark in their eyes and walk through life like zombies to whom life does something TO them. Eff that noise. Link to post Share on other sites
Homer Posted November 24, 2017 Share Posted November 24, 2017 It is NOT "society's expectations". The overwhelming majority of folks just wants to be in a relationship and/or start a family at some point. They aren't brainwashed. Link to post Share on other sites
AncientAmateur Posted November 24, 2017 Share Posted November 24, 2017 12 hours ago, Space-Ace-Android said: I am thirteen and still collect plushies and pillows, and I have a friend whom I consider to be my little sister, we play imagination games (for instance saving the world from some dragons with a bunny) and I still enjoy kiddish movies and the sorts. I am very much kiddish, but I now know when to be thoughtful, and when to be grown up. 12 hours ago, arekathevampyre said: @Space-Ace-Android 21 here and still collecting plushies too . Gave a lot away but still have a huge pile of them lol . I am very much a kid inside . I enjoy kids flicks as much as Iove horror And also , I used to play a lot of imagination games until about the age of 12 or so ? hahaha I still enjoy shopping at kids stores for toys and stationery ) almost 26 & I love a good stuffed animal (recently bought a penguin with a cute little knitted jumper, while I was on holidays) & I love disney movies Link to post Share on other sites
Hermit Advocate Posted November 24, 2017 Share Posted November 24, 2017 I am a university student and my mom bought me a giraffe plushie a few months ago and I like to carry him around the house. His name is Ernest. Link to post Share on other sites
Nidwin Posted November 24, 2017 Share Posted November 24, 2017 4 hours ago, Homer said: It is NOT "society's expectations". The overwhelming majority of folks just wants to be in a relationship and/or start a family at some point. They aren't brainwashed. The tech for brainwashing doesn't exist, at least not Yet or in the near future. Indoctrination although works well. I wouldn't go as far as "society's expectations", not without properly done and peer reviewed published studies, but I'm certain that quite some aspects of our life, sarting early pre-teen, does influence the desire or need to be in a relationship and/or start a family. Link to post Share on other sites
arekathevampyre Posted November 24, 2017 Share Posted November 24, 2017 3 hours ago, AncientAmateur said: almost 26 & I love a good stuffed animal (recently bought a penguin with a cute little knitted jumper, while I was on holidays) & I love disney movies 3 hours ago, Hermit Advocate said: I am a university student and my mom bought me a giraffe plushie a few months ago and I like to carry him around the house. His name is Ernest. Awesome !!! 😸💜💚💛❤💙 I love plushies 😱 Link to post Share on other sites
Laplace Posted November 24, 2017 Share Posted November 24, 2017 The main problem for me that stems from not having been in a relationship before is that people occasionally assume that something is seriously wrong with you or they start blaming your hobbies (video games make for an easy target) for stunting your “romantic development.” Like, c’mon, I may not be Mr. Friend-to-everyone, but the reason I’m not in a relationship is because I’ve CHOSEN not to be. It’s just like any other life choice. Link to post Share on other sites
Lirpaderp Posted November 24, 2017 Share Posted November 24, 2017 8 hours ago, AncientAmateur said: almost 26 & I love a good stuffed animal (recently bought a penguin with a cute little knitted jumper, while I was on holidays) & I love disney movies My grandpa loved plushies. He had one for each of his kids/grandkids for after he died. By his request, they sat on his coffin. That was an interesting picture, all those teddy bears. After words were said we all picked one. He's the manliest person in the family, but he had a soft spot for plushies too. Link to post Share on other sites
arekathevampyre Posted November 24, 2017 Share Posted November 24, 2017 1 minute ago, Lirpaderp said: My grandpa loved plushies. He had one for each of his kids/grandkids for after he died. By his request, they sat on his coffin. That was an interesting picture, all those teddy bears. After words were said we all picked one. He's the manliest person in the family, but he had a soft spot for plushies too. This is interesting . Link to post Share on other sites
Homer Posted November 24, 2017 Share Posted November 24, 2017 42 minutes ago, Laplace said: your “romantic development.” the things people come up with Link to post Share on other sites
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