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Prom Problems, or “Promblems” if you will


Toothpaste Fairy

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Toothpaste Fairy

So I’m in my last year of high school and prom is a thing that is happening for me this year. I don’t really know if I want to go for a multitude of reasons, all boiling down to prom being for the type of person I’m not. Firstly, the preparation for it is a lot. I’m someone who’s too lazy to do anything other than brush my hair for a morning beauty routine, and my mother has to force me to wear any sort of makeup, having to find a dress and get my hair and makeup done would be a monumental effort. Secondly, people drink and stuff before and after and that’s also not a thing I do, so that just makes me a little nervous, although I have a pretty good friend group who probably wouldn’t pressure me to do anything like that if I didn’t want to. Lastly and probably most importantly I don’t want to be awkwardly alone during prom. I know my friends are going and they want me to go too, but I don’t know if they plan on having dates and I really don’t want to be the only one without a one, because although I’m not opposed to going with someone as a “date”, I’m not going to be actively seeking anyone out for that reason, so I probably wouldn’t have one. Do you need a date to go to prom? My mother told me that you used to but things might be different now.  Needing a date sort of feels unfair to be honest, both to any single pringles and people who aren’t into romance. 

 

Also, there’s apprently this thing called “prom cottage” or something and I’m not sure if I’m wrong but it’s a cottage or something people go to after prom and just like party and have sex????? That’s what I heard and it just weirds me out still that there are actually people my age doing that sort of thing because sometimes I don’t actually believe it. I ofte  wonder if I’m actually asexual or just denying my feelings or something but then I hear about things like this or even just see friends in relationships and I’m like “yup, not interested in that”

 

I’ll be paying the initial fee or whatever that I have to right now if I want to go, but whether or not I actually decide to go will be another story entirely. 

 

Anyone have any thoughts on prom and/or this debacle of a situation? Has anyone here gone to prom and if so what was it like? Am I worrying too much or should I be concerned?

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TheSmokingSkellie

Don't go. If it's something you feel like you're not gonna like, why bother torture yourself with an event you wont enjoy?
That's how I felt towards my prom and I was dumb enough to attend it.

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I was in a similar situation for my prom, had almost all the same worries. I actually only went because a friend wanted to go and didn't want to be alone, and I enjoyed it more than I thought I would. Unless you don't want to go at all and are just feeling pressured into it (in which case don't go), I'd advise the following:

- Going with a group of friends is ideal, because then even if the prom sucks you're having a night out with them. Find out for definite if your friends are taking dates or not, so long as there's a few of you just going with friends, you shouldn't feel too out of place for not having a date.

- You don't have to drink if you don't want to, since your friends won't pressure you, best stick with them. Remember it's perfectly normal not to drink for all sorts of reasons, so don't let anyone make you feel weird or 'boring' for not drinking.

- With regards to preperation, it personally didn't take me that long, just a day shopping for something to wear and an hour or so on the night getting ready, but others take longer. Some people I knew had spray tans done and booked appointments to get hair and nails done professionally and stuff, but it isn't necessary imo. If you think your mother might try to force you into dressing up more than you want to, it would be worth having a talk with her about it beforehand. If you feel pretty certain you're going to be forced into something you don't feel comfortable in, reconsider if you'd still want to go like that or not. Also when choosing something remember that you might end up dancing so something you can move about in properly is a good idea.

- Do not go to the "prom cottage".

- If possible, have some way you can get home if you decide that you've had enough. My prom was pretty far from home and since I was very sure whether I'd like it or not, I asked my dad (who drove me there) if he'd be ok coming to get me if I wanted to leave.

 

Bear in mind though that my prom was for a Northern England high school, so it may be completely different to how yours will be. It might be worth finding out everything you can about your prom before making a decision. I hope you enjoy it if you end up going.

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Apathetic Echidna

I took the money for my ticket and bought books. I ended up going to a party with my more angsty friends who also didn't go and having a great time there. What really decided me though was the music options, a famous singer had died about 2 months before, so I knew most of the music for the night would be those songs which I didn't like. I have no regrets, and I did end up using my dress for other occasions. 

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I never went the prom, so I don't have much to say toward it (most of what I know comes from pop culture- not the best source of information), but, I agree with TheSmokingSkellie and Apathetic Echidna, if it makes you that uncomfortable, don't put yourself in the situation. Try and offer alternative plans, like a party or a trip to an amusement center of some sort. However, if you do decide to go, be smart. Have alternate transport or money for cab fair in place, especially if there is alcohol involved or your friends decide to go somewhere that makes you uncomfortable.

 

What ever you do, be safe. 

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arekathevampyre

I didn't go to mine , simply because I don't fit in with my classmates etc . but since you are not comfortable with aspects of it (especially the cottage thing - It may be dangerous) , probably it will be good you pass . However , the decision lies with you of course . And yes , please stay safe . According to google , prom cottage is a place where is rent to use for after prom graduation celebrations (which sounds a lot like a chalet bbq party where alcohol and sex is the common stuff) . I absolutely hate social stuff like events so I may be biased here . 

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I felt exactly the same as you did. I absolutely didn't want to go...but my mom made me....she said it was a milestone in my life...something i would think back about and smile. And guess what,she was absolutely right ! I had a great night and made some great memories i still cherish ! Just give it go....u don't have take a date,or drink or have sex to fit in. Just go there,be who u are and have fun for urself ! It's not sad to go to prom alone....it's just your choice ! Don't let society(bunch of ignorant teenagers) dictate what u can or can't do !!!

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I went to two proms: one when I was an exchange student at a high school in the US and then my own the year after at home in Sweden. I didn't particularly enjoy any of them. I didn't really want to go to the one in the US but everyone around me just took for granted that I would be super excited about it and thought that it was important for the whole US experience, so I went. With a few friends, since I didn't have a date. It was all right I guess, but I could just as well have done without it. The one in Sweden was a lot different but also even more boring. I felt right there and then that it was a waste of money and time.

 

I think you should really think about how you might feel or react in the prom situation. Do you like to dance? Do you think you will like the music that will be played? If you decide to go, know that it is perfectly all right to go straight home after the dance if you don't want to go to any kind of after party. Stay with your friends, and talk to them beforehand about going as a group. There can be a mix of couples and single friends in the group. Maybe some of your friends have dates but you can still go all of you together. 

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For mine I went with my 2 best friends and ended up climbing the school roof to look for our pal the black cat that lived in the guttering whilst wearing a dress.

 

It's hard to have fun by yourself in that kind of situation but it's up to you. Do you feel the need to go? Will you regret it?

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I went alone. I was going to go with a friend from another school, but once we got there she was too shy about all the new people and decided to go home. It was good; I liked the music and stuff. I didn't really have any close friends, so I didn't have anyone to hang out with, but I didn't mind. And I didn't go to any after-parties. Not my scene.

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I never went to dances or prom cause I was never a fan of dancing or big social gatherings. I would’ve been a big third wheel to everyone too cause I never dated and I wasn’t ever all that popular (even if someone was interested, I’d never recognize it anyways 😅).

 

And yeah, the stuff after the prom (or any dance/gathering in HS really) is super sketchy. Obviously don’t go anywhere where alcohol or drugs are involved cause that’s a good way to get hurt.

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