• Announcements

    • Kelly

      New Team members Needed--Moderator, Project Team, and Declass Team: Voting   12/10/13

      See:   http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/164659-new-declass-team-member-needed-voting/   http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/164657-new-moderator-member-needed-qa-co-mod-and-world-watch-mod-voting/   http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/164656-new-project-team-member-needed-resources-and-education-director-voting/  
    • Kelly

      AVENues Holiday Special Edition is now live   08/17/17

      The new edition of AVENues is done!   See:        
    • Lady Girl

      Ace Community Census   11/06/17

      It’s time for the 2017 Ace Community Census!   see:   http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/162675-announcing-the-2017-ace-community-census/  
    • Heart

      Help fund AVEN's servers!   11/06/17

      AVEN is doing its annual fundraiser to raise donations for server costs! See http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/163251-aven-server-fundraiser/ for more details.  
Sign in to follow this  
Toothpaste Fairy

Steps out of the shadows and goofily waves

Recommended Posts

Toothpaste Fairy

Hello everyone! I’ve finally decide to actually make an account thing for this website. Congratulations AVEN, you hold the prestigious position of being the third internety thing I’ve agreed to sign up for on my own. 

 

I don’t particularly like sharing personal info about myself, but I’m a person in my late teens, you can call me Toothpaste I suppose, and I share way too much with anyone willing to listen so here’s “my story” as I’d put it:

(apologies in advance for any spelling/grammar mistakes and lengthiness)

 

I honestly do not remember how I found out about asexuality, I just remember one day when I was 14 asking myself if I was asexual completely out of the blue.  I didn’t like the idea of the possibility of never wanting to be in a relationship (which was how I understood asexuality at the time) so I told myself I wasn’t but I was currently just too focused on school to be interested in dating. Funnily enough, I somehow knew about asexuality even before I really knew about the entire LGBT+ community (I discovered all that also at the age of 14, sex and sexuality was never really a thing I was exposed to when I was younger, or was at least something I never understood well).  I was really confused at first when I found out about it though, particularly regarding homosexuality. I had thought everyone was pretending to like each other, and yet here people were saying they didn’t have a choice in who they liked. It didn’t make sense for these people to be lying, because in having this sexual orientation they were just creating a lot more adversity for themselves, so I  wondered if people really didn’t have a choice in the matter. 

 

So then, I began to question things, I went searching through all the labels I knew to find one that sort of fit. I realized being straight but not really interested in anyone and also okay with dating girls? probably wouldn’t fly.  I moved to possibly being bi, but that didn’t really feel right either, and I still didn’t like the idea of being asexual. So I just kind left it up in the air for a while. 

 

Then some stuff happened, my best friend came out to me as bi and I began to realize that bisexual, the closest label I had to how I felt, was really not what I was.  This brought up the debate with me again. My friend seemed so certain in the matter which confounded me more as I could find certainty in none of these labels. Around this time I also stumbled across an awesome YouTube channel (it’s called Overly Sarcastic Productions, and they do videos on stuff like Shakespeare and other literature as well as history and it’s great) and it just so happened that one of the people on that channel was asexual, and there was one video in particular which had a part where she speculated the possible sexual and romantic orientation of a character in a myth (Artemis, who was always my favourite goddess with her refusal of romance), and it introduced me to the concept of asexuality being more like a range from no attraction whatsoever to some attraction. I didn’t look into it any further though because I didn’t have any way to search the internet without being afraid someone else might see what I was looking up in the search history.

 

And then suddenly, my best friend (the same one who came out to me as bi) got into a relationship. 

 

I was shocked, partially because I had laughed not a few days before at the idea of her in a relationship with this person (she had been telling me about how some other friends were implying that she had a crush on this girl and I always hated when people did that to me because I never actually had a crush when people would ask or tease me so I was all like ”yeah it sucks when other people do that”, I still feel bad about laughing now though), but also because this was the most rational person I knew, someone who would not get into a relationship as a cool thing to do (which was why I thought many people were in relationships) but actually because she felt some sort of attraction to this person that I didn’t fully understand. I decided, but still didn’t fully accept, that I was probably asexual. It took having to answer a question in a survey asking for my sexual orientation for me to actually look online. Not by straight up searching asexuality, heavens no, that YouTube person I mentioned did an interview for a blog or something called asexual artists I think, which lead me to one website and then another and I eventually ended up here. In the process I learned about the different labels for different orientations. It’s taken another painful year of self-interrogation for me to finally come to terms with being asexual and something close to aromantic but probably not quite.  I think it’s taken so long even though I already sort of knew from the start because I’m very indecisive and also I’ve had a hard time accepting this fact.  Not that it’s a bad thing, I didn’t go through a point where I felt like I was wrong or broken in a sense (I’ve always embraced being a bit of a weirdo and just thought everyone else was crazy), but I didn’t want to completely deny myself the opportunity to be with someone, and I was afraid if I didn’t have anyone I would be completely isolated from the rest of the world, as I wouldn’t be confident enough to even interact with any possible friends (I often convince myself  that I don’t belong in my friend groups which leads to me pulling away which only worsens the problem). 

 

Nowadays my self-confidence has been gradually improving and I’m more or less okay with whatever the future has in store, whether that involves a partner (romantic or otherwise) or not. I’ve finally almost 100% accepted being asexual, it will never be 100% because I always like to leave room in anything I do for the possibility of change, no matter how small. 

 

Upon reflection, I think I have a better understanding of where my confusion came from when I first found out about the whole LGBT+ community, I had always thought that liking someone was a choice a person made, much like how my few “crushes” originated. The fact that people didn’t have a choice was news to me. I don’t really have much of a choice in my general lack of attraction to others, I couldn’t really force anything more than the confusing, possibly romantic feelings I occasionally have for certain people, even if I really wanted to. 

 

TL,DR: I’m a super indecisive person and it took me a while to be comfortable with asexuality, but I’m here now and things are good.  

 

Also so even more apologies for spelling and grammar, it’s late and I’ve proofread but not well. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Lichley

Welcome! Gotta love Overly SarcasticmProductions. Anyways don't worry about grammar this is an online forum not an essay. Also you might want to look into aromanticism too if you've never wanted to date someone.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
SamwiseLovesLife

WELCOME TO THE PARTY :D

It seems like you fit right in already.. :cake:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
flagsforhippos

Grammar not important here syntax not is neither important is. 

Important thing is community we has and the cake! :D

But you still worry about grammars then me help if it is your liking

Everybody help each other here

 

Welcome welcome welcome :cake: :cake: :cake:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Space-Ace-Android
10 hours ago, Toothpaste Fairy said:

 

Welcome to the forum! It was great to read your story and do not worry about punctuation or grammar, it doesn't have to be an essay. You could possibly be aromantic if you are not interested in dating people, so I would suggest looking into that.

 

Here is the traditional welcome gift of cake!

Image result for  toothpaste cake

 

It is good you came of the shadows and into the light of AVEN, I shall look forward to speak with you more @Toothpaste fairy!

 

Sorry! :blush: I accidentally quoted you and cannot rid of the quote box.

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Slanty

Welcome! :cake:

Your story was an interesting read and I hope you are more comfortable in your (a)sexuality now. I think when I was younger I made myself have crushes but I don't think they were real...or I didn't know what to do past saying I had a crush. But now I just move through live knowing I don't have to have crushes or be attracted to people! But I do still want to find love, so that's a bit of a weird situation

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
.Lia

Hello there, and welcome to AVEN! :cake:

As part of my welcome to you, I'd like to point out some important threads that might be helpful in your first few days here. :) The Terms of Service is here. We recommend you read it over, and if you have any questions please don't hesitate to send either myself or any other administrator or moderator (the "admod" team, as we're called) a message.  Also, there's a handy forum called Site Info, which has some useful information including a thread outlining who moderates which forum. If you ever need something done in or have questions about a specific forum, please message the mod of that forum. And if you have problems with the site in general, or any single member, please message any admod. 

The following are also nifty links to take a look at:  Welcome Lounge Mini Manual | Welcoming 101 | Quick Guide to the Forums | Asexuality FAQ's

 Again, welcome to AVEN and I hope your stay is everything you hoped!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Toothpaste Fairy
On 2017-11-23 at 2:11 AM, Lichley said:

Also you might want to look into aromanticism too if you've never wanted to date someone.

In fact I have! I’m still not entirely sure about whatever my romantic orientation decides to be, but aromanticism is a strong contender. 

 

On 2017-11-23 at 4:10 PM, Slanty said:

But I do still want to find love, so that's a bit of a weird situation

Honestly I’m similar in that sense. Despite a severe lack of crushes along with a mild disinterest in romancey stuff in general, I still would also kind of like to find love, still trying to decipher all of that. 

 

Also thanks the people who told me not to worry about spelling and grammar, it’s one of those things that always upsets me if I make a mistake, mainly because I worry about what other people will think of me for it. Hearing that it’s not as big of a deal as my mind makes it out to be from someone else is actually really helpful in quelling those fears. (Of course I’ll still try to have good spelling and stuff)

 

Oh and lastly thank you guys for the wonderful cake (that toothpaste one is particularly awesome!)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this