Jump to content

Why is my sexuality so disturbed?


Recommended Posts

Hello!

uhm, Ok so how do I start... I'm 17, male finished my puberty and this is my current state...

 

So about half a year ago, my psychiatrist had the feeling that I might be asexual due to my lack of sexual desires... but now I think I haven't told her everything about my background to have given her this proclamation. For about one month now, I'm getting really confused and feel weird. I've looked up what type of asexuality's exists and had the feeling... that I felt like every kind of it atleast 2 months or more for a period of time and that several times in my life.

 

Sometimes, I really want to cuddle (needles to say, I'm diagnosed with Haphephobia) and have some romantic time with someone (In this case often with the crushes I had).

Sometimes, I really want to have either rough/kinky/sensual sex with someone.

Sometimes (which is my current state), I'm really disgusted even thinking about sex which makes me sick and possibly even vomit thinking too much about that.

Sometimes, I really just want someone and have a romantic relationship with her.

Sometimes, I'm completely neutral and don't care even the slightest about sex, which doesn't make me sick nor anything else.

Sometimes, I masturbate and watch porn for reason I can't explain.

Sometimes, I get nightmares of my crushes who try to have sex with me, where I basically run away in my dream and going home, shocked and helpless.

Sometimes, I'm somehow normally you could say, where I'm just like "Well, I don't really have time for relationships and I'm completely fine with that, maybe in future I got time for that"

Sometimes, I'm really Antisexual and even insult others when the topic "sex" is appearing.

Sometimes, I really can't help myself and want to have sexual intercourse with a person immediatly.

And finally, sometimes, I just have simply no clue what people are talking about when the topic "sex" is coming up which feels like, listening to people in a unfamiliar language talking and me, being there baffled and perplexed and a bit curious of what's going on, like someone who never encountered sexuality at all.

 

As you can see, it really is disturbed isn't it? At first, I really thought I'm asexual but now... what now? I didn't had any traumas or something similar which could cause it.

And I'm driving more and more crazy every day and don't know how to handle it....

Link to post
Share on other sites

No not at all, my life’s being normal without any medication involved. And I‘m also not taking drugs or alcohol

Link to post
Share on other sites
OperationalWolf

When was the very first time you've seen Pornographic materials? Because people react differently on Porn and stuff. I'm just asking this out of curiosity because you may have reacted in a different way.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I have no clue at all I‘m afraid.... I think my classmates showed us pornographic stuff because... childish behavior at the age of 12, haven‘t reacted at all actually, just felt a bit out of place since it was new to me. And when we had sex Ed, I thought it‘s just some adult topic and didn‘t thought further.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Apathetic Echidna

Wow, that is quite a lot of variation. I don't know if it would help, but if you are seeking a label go for one of the ones using the word 'flux', though even finding a label that manages to fit perfectly won't really help much as you still have to experience your orientation/attractions/repulsions. 

There are probably some contributing factors for your changes that might have nothing obvious to do with your sexuality but still effects it. At least you have someone professional to talk it over with. 

Link to post
Share on other sites
Janus the Fox

Though the mind takes much longer to develop full maturity for some, (21+ years or so, was true for me getting more sexually aware around age 25)

 

You've mentioned a diagnosed phobia, to me this reads like a sex phobia or sexual anxiety, as you say, sometimes, in times when there's normal sexual thought and desire, dreams seem to tell a person something different.

 

Not disturbed to me, normal but surrounded by such anxiety that such a person become hyper aware of every single normal occurrence of sexuality, only to be very dead set against it. (sexually anxious, antisex like thinking etc).

 

Possibly it's time to tell your full story with psych or sexuality counselling as you mentioned. Meds not required, unless another underlining cause like a clinical anxiety/depression/etc.

 

Is only my take on things, I've only seen this once before, but that was a person coming to terms with being gay, dealing with chronic anxiety around that.  This OP has a few things different and similar.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Hmm, I guess I should really talk to a psychologist who's specialized for that which is probably the most wisest thing to do before I really turn crazy. And about full maturity, my current psychologist told me that I was very soon with developing a mature mind which you could've already seen on me at the age of 15 where everyone else was still in puberty, meanwhile I'm annoyed like an adult by them even when I was like them a few months ago during that time. But yeha, thanks for your advise !

 

Link to post
Share on other sites
On 22.11.2017 at 11:13 PM, SNY said:

I've looked up what type of asexuality's exists

There's just one. Being asexual means the complete absence of a desire for partnered sexual activities.

 

Things like masturbation, wanting to cuddle or wanting to be in a relationship with someone don't determine anything regarding a/sexuality.  However if someone ever really really wants sex with a partner, no matter how often or under which circumstances, that's not asexual.

 

I'm not a big fan of all those "labels" so I'll pass on that, but I hope that this was of some help regardless :cake:

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...