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A question for sexual women (warning: sexually explicit)


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#1 Elizabeth I

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Posted 24 May 2006 - 01:08 AM

This is kind of an "icky" question and I have really had to work myself up to asking it. I KNOW what the answer would be among the asexual community ...but I can't help wondering how sexuals feel about it.

I'm female and consider myself asexual, but I have had several relationships with sexual men because I am willing to compromise...except for this one little thing...

The big stumbling block for me has always been felatio. The very idea of it sickens me. As soon as that not so subtle downward push on the back of the head thing starts...GAME OVER! Run to the loo...Toss cookies....

From what I have read, and conversations I've had with male friends...It seems that this particular act is the one that sexual men spend about 90% of thier time fantasizing about.

It's also the #1 requested act from prostitutes. who are willing to do it because they say it's over with quckly, so they can do lots of them in a short time... optimizing thier wages I guess.

But I have also heard that men go to prostitutes for this because their wives won't do it!

I was just wondering if there is ANYONE out there who DOESN'T find performing that particular act repugnant.

"I would do anything for love, but I wont do THAT"

thanks for your candor

Lizzie

#2 sonofzeal

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Posted 24 May 2006 - 01:48 AM

Speaking as a (demi)sexual male... I completely agree with you. I have the desire for some stuff, but none whatsoever to get head. I've never had it, but the idea really does do nothing for me. I'd be willing to experiment with it and/or cunnillingus, but in all honesty I think I'd rather give head than get it.

Oh, and I think it's the most requested act because hookers tend to charge less for it because it's less invasive/dangerous/timeconsuming than outright sex.
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#3 Desert_Rose

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Posted 24 May 2006 - 05:37 AM

This is a touchy subject, because there are so many different opinions on it. Basicly, it comes down to personal comfort levels. If you dont feel comfortable giving head, no one should make you. But then, that goes for ALL levels of sexuality doesnt it? The general rule of thumb is, if it feels at ALL not right to you, dont do it.

I personally have no problem with it, though I understand how there would be those that would.
I used to have a problem with it. I hated doing it. HATED it. It was to me the most disgustin thing ever. But I really liked the guy, and I wanted to pleasure him and since I wasnt willing to give him intercourse, I didnt mind giving him head. Especially since he gave ME mindblowing head, so I figured its only fair to return the favour, hey?
Anyways as I got more used to it (and better at it ;)) I warmed up to the idea and now I actually enjoy doing it, because I like being able to give the guy pleasure, and watch how he reactes you know?
I still cannot bring myself to swallow, though. Ever.

One thing I cannot stand however, is when guys expect you to give head to them, but refuse to return the favour (not that I have ever been in this situation, but I have heard many girls complain about this, and even guys talking about how they like getting head but would never give it to a girl)
I hold that that is just rude. If they dont feel comfortable giving it to a girl, thats fine, but they shouldnt expect the girl to give it to them, then.

That's my two sence worth on the subject. As long as everyone is comfortable with whats going on and whatnot, it's all good. Its not really so disgusting, from a sexual point of view. It's just being able to give your partner pleasure wich I see nothing wrong with.
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#4 BunnyK.

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Posted 24 May 2006 - 06:35 AM

I've personally never had a problem with it. In fact, it kind of arouses me to know how much I'm pleasing my partner, especially if we are in a position where I can look up and into his eyes while I do it. And not too be giving too much information, but I think the 69 position is one of the most enjoyable sexual acts in existence.

I don't mind swallowing either, in my opinion you taste it less that way than if you spit..yech.

FYI, the "pushing on the head" thing is considered terribly bad manners by everyone I know, and is worth at least a sharp reprimand if your parter does it. :P

#5 Samsara

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Posted 24 May 2006 - 09:37 AM

It's a touchy subject. I require complete hygiene from my partner (I'm a mostly gay male) and I'm willing to do to them if they do to me, since it's usually a very pleasurable experience for the one who gets it. For the one who gives head... the pleasure is less physical and more psychological (at least in my experience). You enjoy the enjoyment your partner is having.

But I agree, the subject is touchy. And one that has the potential to be devastatingly wrong. But, if it's done correctly by both participants, it may be very, very good for both of them.
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#6 Elizabeth I

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Posted 24 May 2006 - 07:00 PM

"BunnyK." Posted: Wed May 24 3:35 am

I've personally never had a problem with it. In fact, it kind of arouses me to know how much I'm pleasing my partner, especially if we are in a position where I can look up and into his eyes while I do it.


That "looking up into his eyes" thing would require you to be on your knees with the man looking DOWN at you. I have seen the same scenario posted in a "ask guys anything" forum with a guy describing it as his fantasy. It strikes me as an extremely submissive and even humiliating scenario for the woman.

I was primarily interested in hearing from sexual women on this one, because I wonder if my aversion has to do with my asexuality, or if it's a pretty standard objection for non-submissive women in general.


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#7 Samsara

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Posted 24 May 2006 - 07:55 PM

I'm sorry, Elizabeth I. I hope I didn't intrude... I thought maybe you would be interested in a gay male's opinion. I'm sexual, but I have a fairly low sex drive.

(I know the previous post was not adressed to me, but... just in case, you know)
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#8 Derp

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Posted 24 May 2006 - 08:05 PM

[Edited for irrelevance. :wink:]

#9 ghosts

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Posted 24 May 2006 - 08:15 PM

How about if I say that I'm asexual, and doing it doesn't really bother me? It's not the most enjoyable thing in the world, no, but it doesn't disgust me.

#10 141822

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Posted 24 May 2006 - 08:32 PM

I'm asexual and yes I realise this thread is for sexual women but I can't resist posting in places I'm not supposed to! I never have given anyone oral, but I'm ok with it in respect that the thought of doing it doesn't gross me out completely (giving, not recieving thanks) and with the right person, I'd be willing to give it a try. I'd much rather give someone oral than have intercourse. However, if the guy does the 'pat on the back of the head' or however you want to put it - do people seriously do that?!?!?!? - there is no way he's getting any. Ever. Or even anything, except a boot out the door 8) .

#11 Brodertun

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Posted 24 May 2006 - 08:35 PM

The other thing that seems a wee bit odd...is that you already have this on your profile a full hour BEFORE your first post.

Messageboard: *scribbles* Yay!
Posted by Charliepyro, Wed May 24 2:36 am


Isn't that a bit unusual?

Actually, the time a message is posted on someone's messageboard is only indicative of whatever time zone the person is in. It could have been before or after, depending what time zone you're in, and what time it appears to be for you. Maybe.. someone with math skills would have to figure that one out. :oops:

All I know is the messageboard thingies can be misleading. I have some posts on mine that were made "earlier" than the preceding one, even though it appears underneath...

Plus, sometimes people go to the memberlist to find new members so they can be the first ones to scribble on their boards. :wink: Doesn't matter if they've posted or not.

OK, that was a bit off-topic maybe.. just thought I'd mention that, though.

[Edit: Yeah, BunnyK appears to me to have posted at 1:35.]


still offtopic but on my end bunnyk posted at 3:35 am

#12 Elizabeth I

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Posted 24 May 2006 - 09:19 PM

I'm sorry, Elizabeth I. I hope I didn't intrude... I thought maybe you would be interested in a gay male's opinion. I'm sexual, but I have a fairly low sex drive.

(I know the previous post was not adressed to me, but... just in case, you know)


Not to worry... I was looking PRIMARILY for a response from a sexual woman...because I feel that some men like fellatio because it is a way of exerting dominance .....as opposed to a way of communicating love.

I wonder if a sexual woman suffers the same feelings of rejection and frustration because of an asexual husband not wanting her to do this sort of thing to him, or if she is more likely missing the loving and cuddling stuff....like me!

I think one of MY big problems with finding a partner is that I don't like agressive or dominating men, and I'm sure a gay man can probably empathise on that issue.


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#13 Elizabeth I

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Posted 24 May 2006 - 09:47 PM

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#14 Hallucigenia

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Posted 24 May 2006 - 09:52 PM

So far ...I haven't heard anything from any of the sexual women who normally post on this forum...

[chop]

My apologies if this isn't the case, but most of the sexuals who seek out this forum do so because of problems and frustrations with an asexual partner, and they would have posted SOMETHING somewhere about those frusyrations.. Your post just doesn't seem like a logical one for a first post by a sexual woman on this forum.


As one of the most frequently-posting sexual women here currently, I'd like to point out that I am an exception to this rule; I came to AVEN to find out more about my sibling Slatterly, who's actually A, and I stayed because of the really interesting and accepting nature of the forum - it's just the sort of place that I'd like to hang out even if it wasn't full of asexuals (even though asexuality does provide many of the most fascinating discussions here, and has caused me to think much deeper about my own sexuality).

Anyway. To the actual topic of the thread! On which I am not actually so useful since I've never given head to a guy or even been in a position where I might be asked or expected to. Due to this complete lack of knowledge of what it's actually like, I'm officially undecided on whether I like it. I'm not in a hurry to try it out, but that goes for every other kind of sex as well, so you know, whatever. Le shrug.

As for the humiliation angle (and forgive me for being a bit graphic here), kneeling in front of a man is only one way to do this particular act. Off the top of my head, there's also the 69 position (which is pretty equitable as far as I can see) and various positions where both of you are lying down.

However, some - NOT ALL but some - heterosexual women actually enjoy positions that make them slightly submissive to their partner. I don't mean to the extent of actually being hurt or humiliated (unless you're into BDSM), but little things like being below a man looking up at him can make these women feel good, for all sorts of psychological reasons I'm not prepared to get into right now. And before you jump on this as sexist, there are some heterosexual men who like being slightly submissive to their partners as well. It's not always bad to be submissive if you are the one making the decision to be that way - it's just whatever floats your boat.

#15 ghosts

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Posted 24 May 2006 - 09:53 PM

Then perhaps Charliepyro saw that this 2 day old user was on AVEN at the same time, didn't recognize the person and clicked on their profile, found that they were new and decided to scribble a message on their board.

Who knows, though- only the two people involved! Why not ask Charliepyro if you are interested?

#16 Amcan

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Posted 24 May 2006 - 09:53 PM

On the messageboard thing - I think it depends on timezones. Not to mention some members go through the new memberlist and leave messages at any point. Bunny K. joined 2 days ago.

I would just like to point out that we have no evidence so far about Bunny K.'s intentions, they have only made the one post, admittedly an unusual one for AVEN but this is the sexual forum.

As we don't have any evidence I'd like us not to make hasty judgements on people. We have had legimate people leave because of such things in the past not to mention semi-flamewars.

I'm not saying they're asexual or a troll or sexual or what I'd just like people to be careful before they accuse people of something.

Thank you.

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#17 Elizabeth I

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Posted 24 May 2006 - 10:11 PM

That's true Amcan..I'll delete those references

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#18 Elizabeth I

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Posted 24 May 2006 - 11:06 PM

Hallucigenia wrote

Anyway. To the actual topic of the thread! On which I am not actually so useful since I've never given head to a guy or even been in a position where I might be asked or expected to.


I often read your posts, and find them very thought provoking, regardless of your level of actual experience on the topic.

As for the humiliation angle (and forgive me for being a bit graphic here), kneeling in front of a man is only one way to do this particular act. Off the top of my head, there's also the 69 position (which is pretty equitable as far as I can see) and various positions where both of you are lying down.


But the kneeling position is the only way to be able to commit that act while looking "up and into his eyes"

However, some - NOT ALL but some - heterosexual women actually enjoy positions that make them slightly submissive to their partner.

chop..

and before you jump on this as sexist, there are some heterosexual men who like being slightly submissive to their partners as well. It's not always bad to be submissive if you are the one making the decision to be that way - it's just whatever floats your boat.


That is one of the things I was wondering about. Whether it's actually about sex or more about domination. It's definately the "deal breaker" for me in getting to know a perspective lover.

Sonofzeal wrote

Speaking as a (demi)sexual male... I completely agree with you. I have the desire for some stuff, but none whatsoever to get head. I've never had it, but the idea really does do nothing for me.


It's also ecouraging to know that there ARE sexual men who aren't interested in it!

Thanks for ALL of your posts!

Lizzie

#19 BunnyK.

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Posted 25 May 2006 - 12:21 AM

I'm kind of confused as to what's going on in this thread. Just to clarify, I'm a sexual woman who stumbled on this forum a few days ago (it was linked in a Savage Love column or something) and found it interesting reading. I hope I'm not intruding, but this post seemed to be directed at my "type", so to speak. :D

As for the thread topic:

That "looking up into his eyes" thing would require you to be on your knees with the man looking DOWN at you. I have seen the same scenario posted in a "ask guys anything" forum with a guy describing it as his fantasy. It strikes me as an extremely submissive and even humiliating scenario for the woman.


I feel like I am verging on TMI again, but you can also achieve it on a bed or a couch, so that you are basically on the same level.

I suppose you could see it as a submissive thing, but how submissive can it be when you agree to do it? With my current partner, I am nearly always offering rather than being asked to perform. I have fun with it. I've also recieved oral sex while standing, so my partner was on his knees. It just never occurred to me to consider the position humiliating, more just logistics.

Further, even if I did see it as submissive, I'm not sure I would mind, because I do enjoy being submissive in sexual situations sometimes. Oddly enough, I'm not at all submissive in daily life...quite the opposite actually. That's just what works for me in bed.

#20 deladangerous

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Posted 25 May 2006 - 12:44 AM

I think that submissive things are still submissive even if you offer to do it. It's still kind of a service, or a favor, in a way, isn't it?

I mean, sure, I'm not about to argue that it's cool if it's in your head to want to do it without being asked... If consent to it, it's okay, obviously. But in a way it's still kind of a situation where the man is being served, and up at a higher level than the female, who is looking up at him for approval.... I would say that's a situation where the female's being submissive, yeah.

Oh right. I wasn't supposed to come in here. Aaah well...:lol:
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#21 BunnyK.

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Posted 25 May 2006 - 01:01 AM

I mean, sure, I'm not about to argue that it's cool if it's in your head to want to do it without being asked... If consent to it, it's okay, obviously. But in a way it's still kind of a situation where the man is being served, and up at a higher level than the female, who is looking up at him for approval.... I would say that's a situation where the female's being submissive, yeah.


A service or a favor maybe, but one I expect to have returned. :wink:
And still, the whole "man is higher" thing only counts if you are on your knees, which isn't always the case. There are plenty of positions in which the woman is on the same level or higher than the man.

I can see where you would see it as submissive, but I guess I just never thought of it that way myself. I've never been with a partner where I considered sex or sexual behavior anything but a free and equal exchange of pleasure, so maybe that has something to do with it.

#22 ghosts

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Posted 25 May 2006 - 01:31 AM

I mean, sure, I'm not about to argue that it's cool if it's in your head to want to do it without being asked... If consent to it, it's okay, obviously. But in a way it's still kind of a situation where the man is being served, and up at a higher level than the female, who is looking up at him for approval.... I would say that's a situation where the female's being submissive, yeah.

I never thought I was being submissive just because I'm doing it to please a guy. I mean, there's plenty of instances where a guy would be doing something just for me to make me happy, and I wouldn't have thought of him being submissive just because of that.

#23 deladangerous

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Posted 25 May 2006 - 02:25 AM

Okay, words are failing me a bit, here, so... Sorry in advance. :oops:

Thing is, it just feels submissive to me. The reason for that probably has something to do with my asexuality and the rest of my personality too, because when I'm picturing the awkward situation that would ensue if I were to participate.. The only way I would see myself participating in that kind of thing would be if I felt smaller than that other person. It's not like I feel small when giving a gift to someone or doing a favor for someone, but because we're talking about oral sex, it's kind of different. I don't see that as any ol' favor. Definitely not on par with.. buying somebody a real nice pair of socks just 'cuz, y'know?

It's definitely something I wouldn't do, because it feels like a submissive thing to do. For me, at least. Maybe it feels completely different if you're actually into it, and actually getting something from it (I wouldn't, so maybe for me it would be submissive?) which I was probably too dumb to consider before saying what I've said. I'm sorry for that. :oops:
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#24 ghosts

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Posted 25 May 2006 - 02:33 AM

Awww, don't worry about it! No need to be embarrassed. ;)

If you personally feel like it would be submissive to do that, than you definitely shouldn't do it, IMO. If I ever felt like I was being submissive, I would not have done it. I guess the idea of oral sex just isn't that big of a deal to me. It's not like I really get that much out of it, except that it makes the guy happy. However, I wouldn't do it if I felt like he was getting more attention/pleasure (meaning non-sexual, although possibly sexual) than I was in the relationship.

#25 deladangerous

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Posted 25 May 2006 - 02:53 AM

If you personally feel like it would be submissive to do that, than you definitely shouldn't do it, IMO.


Believe me. It ain't gonna happen. ;)
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#26 llamawho

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Posted 25 May 2006 - 10:45 PM

I am a sexual woman and, persoanlly, I love to perform oral sex on a man. It gives me a feel of power and control, being able to provide so much pleaseure to a person. When I was in my marriage - to an asexual man- that was one of things I missed the most, even more than intercourse.

#27 a-d

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Posted 25 May 2006 - 11:48 PM

I have the desire for some stuff, but none whatsoever to get head...I think I'd rather give head than get it.

I agree 100%. In theory, fellatio might sound like a good idea on paper, but if the guy is numb or lacks sensation, it's just not all it's cracked up to be. Of course, if the partner enjoys giving it, there's no harm.

As for the submissive thing, there's no way. Think of it from the man's perspective. Any man who's pursuing sex likely values his junk, so to speak. For a man to put that between someone else's teeth requires a great deal of trust in that other person not to bite it off and run away or something. That actually has happened a number of times, as I see in the news.
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#28 Desert_Rose

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Posted 25 May 2006 - 11:58 PM

If you personally feel like it would be submissive to do that, than you definitely shouldn't do it, IMO.


I dunno, unless you happen to be into some things like that. Personally, well sometimes my partner will "force" me to go down on him, and I find it to be one of the most erotic things ever.
(But of course if he was REALLY forcing me, I wouldnt like that so much.)
As long as its all consentual, even dominance-sumbission is fine in the bedroom I think ;)
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#29 ghosts

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Posted 26 May 2006 - 01:25 AM

I probably should have worded it a little better. I meant that if someone who felt uncomfortable being submissive felt like oral sex was submissive, then they probably shouldn't do it.

#30 hdansker

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Posted 26 May 2006 - 06:04 PM

I admit that I have NEVER viewed giving head as submissive - quite the contrary! For those who think the only way this is accomplished is with the woman on her knees, think again.

Imagine a man spreadeagled on a bed, the woman kneeling over him, looking up into his eyes as she takes him the the edge again and again and again...who's in control now???!!

The eye contact is essential here, as is some experience, to know WHEN to back off and refuse sexual release to the man. It's a huge tease, it's great fun, and married to an Asexual man who finds his own penis dirty and disgusting, I, like llamawho, miss it like hell.




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