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ashyy_07

Hey all,

 

I'm super new to all of this. Asexuality, the different orientations on the spectrum, this website/community, everything. So bear with me and please be kind :) 

 

My whole life I didn't think of myself as different or abnormal compared to everyone else around me. My family didn't talk about sex, and neither did my friends (at least they didn't with me). Then I moved away from home, and started making new friends, and these friends did talk about sex. I didn't know what to do or how to respond. Everyone would talk about how they saw this hot guy and how they knew they wanted to hook up with them. Or how when they are stressed, they would masturbate or watch porn and feel instantly more relaxed after. I didn't even know what masturbation or porn really was at this point in my life (I was 17). 

 

I assumed that only couples had sex, and that everyone who had never been in a relationship was a virgin. I would hear my friends talking about how someone had had sex with someone else, and I was shocked. Because I knew that person was single, so it baffled my mind that they would have sex with someone who wasn't their boyfriend or girlfriend.

 

As more and more of these things started happening, I really started to question myself, and think back on my life. Growing up, I had had crushed on people. I believed I have had romantic feelings for others. And I definitely can recognize when someone is physically attractive, and I find people physically attractive. But I have never seen an attractive person and had a sexual thought about them. 

 

Then I think of those crushes that I have had, and if I felt any sexual attraction to those people. For some of them, yes. I could see myself engaging in some sort of sexual act (whether that be oral sex or penetration), but I wasn't aroused by the thought. I accepted that yes, I would be ok with that happening, but I didn't take any pleasure in the thought. It wasn't something that I wanted, just something that I would be ok with if it happened. 

 

I have kissed people, spooned, grinded while dancing, and had my body felt before. But everyone always kept their pants on, lol! I have enjoyed these things, and have found myself wanting to do them again. And thinking about doing them with specific people. Because these are sexual thoughts of some nature, I begin to question if I really belong on the asexuality spectrum?

 

------

 

Sorry for so much information, and possibly too much information lol. But here comes my question:

"Do I fall on the asexuality spectrum? And if so, am I demi-sexual, grey-asexual, or something else?"

 

Any and all comments or questions are welcome, and thanks in advance for any help you can give me!

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🎄Ryan🎄

It sounds like you could fall under the asexual spectrum, I'm not sure Demi-sexual is the right label that refers to someone who is attracted to someone sexually only after developing a close emotional bond, from what you read it doesn't sound like you are sexually attracted to people, which would be asexual, or maybe a extremely low level of attraction sexually to people which could be under the grey asexual label. I would say asexual sounds like the closest based off of your post though.

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ashyy_07

I thought i was asexual, but all the sexual feelings that i have had (even though they are very minor) have been for people i was emotionally attracted to, or had a crush on. or a guy that i have known for a very long time and we are very close.

 

its these things that make me question if i really am asexual or not

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🎄Ryan🎄
1 hour ago, ashyy_07 said:

I thought i was asexual, but all the sexual feelings that i have had (even though they are very minor) have been for people i was emotionally attracted to, or had a crush on. or a guy that i have known for a very long time and we are very close.

 

its these things that make me question if i really am asexual or not

Maybe the grey asexual label will work best, Some grey asexuals have felt sexual attraction in low amounts like you are describing it is more of an umbrella term so it isn't as spefic as Demisexual or asexual. Demisexual falls under the umbrella of grey asexual too so if you decide that is more for you it is a simple change of label.

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Maul_Junior

But of course the most important thing that you need to remember is that whatever form of sexuality or asexuality you may identify as, it's perfectly valid. You are the only one that gets to decide what you are. The (a)sexualities that exist in copious lists all over the internet can describe something, but until you, yourself put some power behid it by saying "Yes, this is me. At least for now." it does not apply to you.

 

The lists and labels are not the end-all, be-all. the titles and definitions are often hotly debated, and are just as fluid as any other aspect of humanity.

Only YOU can decide if you are asexual or not. If you are, that's great. If you decide that you are not, that's just as fine and valid. If you decide you're a Gray Ace, or even something else entirely, it's all up to you.

 

In any event, welcome to AVEN. We accept everyone around here.

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TheAngel(of)Peace

Just because you are okay with the thought of sex doesn't mean you're not asexual. Some asexuals are repulsed by sex, but others are simply indifferent to it. If you don't desire sex with anyone, you can call yourself asexual.

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roland.o
On 11/22/2017 at 4:49 AM, ashyy_07 said:

Because these are sexual thoughts of some nature

That's one point of view. From another angle, the things you describe could be seen as sensual rather than sexual...

http://wiki.asexuality.org/Attraction#Sensual_attraction

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