Gladstone Posted November 21, 2017 Share Posted November 21, 2017 Recently I think a lot about my romantic orientation (for now I'm not able do define myself) and it came to my mind, that maybe you can help me somehow. So I knew a girl which I really wanted to be friends with. Just fiends - I'm sure - but best friends. She was perfect. We had similar hobbies and stuff and I could talk hours with her. I really, really wanted her to be my bff. I'm not sure if she wanted that too; that's why I was a little nervous about meeting with her. I wanted to talk with her, impress her, meet with her more often and simply I wanted her to like me. I also know this guy. And... We have similar hobbies. I want to talk to him, impress him, meet with him more often and I want him to like me. Sounds the same, right? Not exactly. I don't want to kiss him or hug him (and obviously I don't want to have sex with him), but I always thought that this is a crush (because it feels similar, but also kinda different than the case with my friend described above. It's a little hard to explain...). I'm also kinda sad, that he has a girlfriend, but not that much. Maybe "melancholic" would be a better word for this. I'm able to talk and laugh with her too and it's not like I suffer seeing them together... I just don't like it. But to be honest, I don't like to see any of my friends with their partners. What is this? Romantic attraction? Platonic attraction? Something-else attraction? Crush? Squish? I'm really confused. Link to post Share on other sites
AtypicalBandGeek Posted November 21, 2017 Share Posted November 21, 2017 Hmm... personally, I'd say it sounds more like platonic. But of course it's up to you to decide. There's also a thing called queerplatonic you might want to look into, which kind of bridges the gap between romance and friendship. Link to post Share on other sites
EggplantWitch Posted November 22, 2017 Share Posted November 22, 2017 It sounds like platonic to me too, but it's so hard to measure when all you have are a few words on the internet to go by instead of the vast and complicated systems of one's own mind. I generally associate crushes with having a 'sting' associated with them - if I found out mine was dating someone or wasn't interested in women it would hurt me in the same kind of way it does when someone says something really horrible and armour-piercing rather than a vague sense of jealousy like you describe (and acknowledge experiencing it with other friends). And I get a sense of contentment out of talking to them which has an extra glow to it on top of the regular platonic 'yay friendship' feeling. Hope this helps. Link to post Share on other sites
TheAP Posted November 22, 2017 Share Posted November 22, 2017 Moved from Questions about Asexuality to Romantic and Aromantic Orientations. TheAP Questions about Asexuality co-mod Link to post Share on other sites
Gladstone Posted November 22, 2017 Author Share Posted November 22, 2017 Thank you for answers! Of course I know it's impossible to "diagnose" someone on the internet but thank you for new clues Link to post Share on other sites
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