Babymittens Posted November 21, 2017 Share Posted November 21, 2017 #TW a lot of sexual content Spoiler When I was young @9 I had an old man touch my private part ... It felt good ... I never felt that feeling before and then his daughter who age 19 would always practice making out with me.... I told my mom and he went to jail ... I was never the same I curious about that feeling ... Stuck on it and looked up male parts and how sex worked and tried masturbating at young age and then my cousin molested me and I didn't tell anyone until I was 16 and then every one of my siblings came out as well they also been touched by him ... I was a virgin till age 17 when I met a guy who was a dropp out... I was so curious of how it would feel to finally have sex... My body was shaking I was scared... I snuck out it was 3 am and it was finally happening ... It was painful and he had a condom on bc I insisted... It hurt and I asked when will the pain stop and he said in a little bit then it will start to feel good... Eventual the pain stop but I felt nothing ... I was there for an hour just being used .... Until he finished. I left and it wasn't what I thought it was going to be and I threw up and still shaking ... I felt so dirty and disgusting but I wanted that feeling and it co tinued for the next month sex everyday trying new positions and role playing and getting high while having sex to see if made a difference... Nothing changed and then I had an infection and my mom found out and the doctor shamed me... I left the dude... I met another guy and he wanted oral sex ? I never tried it and I did ... It was horrible experience and I threw up and I was sweating and felt like I was going to pass out ... I stayed and he left me bc I didn't have sex and I decided I would bc I "loved him" and I felt nothing ... Just disgusted with myself... And he cheated and so I decided to cheat with the guy he hated I will say he had a big **** and he told me usually girls start moaning so this is weird and he stopped after 5 mins ... I felt nothing and then I had sex with my best friend and it was rough in some abandoned apartment (he was small) ... I felt nothing ... I was just sad that I kept adding numbers to myself and I met someone again who had a big **** he was a virgin and he was new I felt pain ... But no pleasure ... I teased him and he teased me I enjoyed the teasing but didn't enjoy the sex part... We dated for a year and half and we didn't have sex for a year and 3 months and I was fine that way ... But he wasn't he wanted sex ... I couldn't I feel my relationship is good and fine with teasing and having the sexual rush but without the sex... I don't enjoy sex I don't like sex I don't feel sex .... It ruins everything ... I could live forever without it honestly the only way I'd do it if it were to keep a partner happy but I don't want to be an everyday thing ... I have a new boyfriend he didn't like the fact that I don't want to have sex and said it would ruin our relationship ... I do it for him but not for me ... I just feel disgusted with myself when I do and unclean I tell myself "enjoy it enjoy it" but I sit there just being used ... Once he made me bleed bc I told him I wasn't ready my body wasn't even turned on ... And now its getting harder to get turned on my body no longer getting wet ... I feel like I don't belong in the Asexual spectrum or any at all ... Link to post Share on other sites
Lia Posted November 21, 2017 Share Posted November 21, 2017 Hello there, and welcome to AVEN! As part of my welcome to you, I'd like to point out some important threads that might be helpful in your first few days here. The Terms of Service is here. We recommend you read it over, and if you have any questions please don't hesitate to send either myself or any other administrator or moderator (the "admod" team, as we're called) a message. Also, there's a handy forum called Site Info, which has some useful information including a thread outlining who moderates which forum. If you ever need something done in or have questions about a specific forum, please message the mod of that forum. And if you have problems with the site in general, or any single member, please message any admod. The following are also nifty links to take a look at: Welcome Lounge Mini Manual | Welcoming 101 | Quick Guide to the Forums | Asexuality FAQ's Again, welcome to AVEN and I hope your stay is everything you hoped! I've also added a spoiler to your post, only due to the amount of sexual content. Let me know if you have questions! Lia Welcome Mod Link to post Share on other sites
Cobie Posted March 2, 2018 Share Posted March 2, 2018 On 21-11-2017 at 7:45 PM, Babymittens said: #TW a lot of sexual content Hide contents ... I don't enjoy sex I don't like sex I don't feel sex .... It ruins everything ... I could live forever without it honestly the only way I'd do it if it were to keep a partner happy but I don't want to be an everyday thing ... ... I feel like I don't belong in the Asexual spectrum or any at all ... I think you very much so belong here. Have a read around on the forum, there definitely are more members with similar experiences like you. Very welcome to the forum Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.