N90 Posted November 21, 2017 Share Posted November 21, 2017 Hi, I've been questioning if I'm possibly asexual or some sub category thereof or if I'm someone who just hasn't met someone they get on well enough to enter into a relationship with. I'm 26, nearly 27, and I've dated a bit but never had a serious relationship and am a virgin! I don't see being a virgin as a problem and don't understand why people make an issue with me being single. I'm capable of being sociable and getting on well with people and appreciating the physical beauty of women but it never really had a desire to initiate sex. I've had women who were interested in me but I've never really had much an interest in taking it very far and also get turned off when they talk about their sex lives. I'm also find it weird that the women who were interested in me would never initiate anything, be it a simple conversation or whatever. They just seemed to sit there and expect me to do all the work in developing and maintaining a relationship with them even though they desired a relationship with me. I never understood the rational behind that. I'm seem to have to be in a relationship with a women, which would involve having sex, so I can talk to them and socialise with them which puts an unwanted pressure on people who may enjoy each others company and want to spend time together but don't want to have sex. I've always wanted to meet someone I can meet up with and spend time with and socialise with and see how things develop from there but that seems difficult to find. I've nothing against sex but never had a huge interested in it and would prioritise having someone I can meet up and socialise with and confide in over sex. I suppose I would prefer companionship and see what develops from there over rushing into a serious relationships and hook-ups. Link to post Share on other sites
N90 Posted November 21, 2017 Author Share Posted November 21, 2017 So I suppose, do any asexuals identify or relate to this? My man problem with some of my friendships and the people I've dated is that I've had pet cars more engaging socially than some of these people. They weren't someone I could just simply pick up the phone and chat with or meet up and socialise with and that I think is where I lost interest in these people. I think my problem with some of these people is that they weren't socially engaging and also another pet peeve of mine is people misunderstanding my relatively introverted/reserved personality as shyness or for a lack of confidence. I hate it when people tell me I need more confidence when they are the very people who won't think to pick up the phone and ring me for a chat or engage me in a conversation even though they may be interested in talking to me. That always struck me as an annoying double standard/contradiction! Link to post Share on other sites
LadyLor Posted November 21, 2017 Share Posted November 21, 2017 I can relate in a sense. Recently I've found myself wishing that I could live in a Jane Austen book, where in order to get married or even partnered you have to be a pleasant conversationalist. It seems a lot of people in today's society are basing what they do on their sexual drive. I know as a woman that taking the first step is hard (I'm trying to get the courage to do that today) so I'm not surprised to hear that that has been your experience. It's too bad that people are mistaking your introverted personality for lack of confidence, personally as a fellow introvert, I can understand how frustrating that can be. Link to post Share on other sites
Lia Posted November 21, 2017 Share Posted November 21, 2017 Hello there, and welcome to AVEN! As part of my welcome to you, I'd like to point out some important threads that might be helpful in your first few days here. The Terms of Service is here. We recommend you read it over, and if you have any questions please don't hesitate to send either myself or any other administrator or moderator (the "admod" team, as we're called) a message. Also, there's a handy forum called Site Info, which has some useful information including a thread outlining who moderates which forum. If you ever need something done in or have questions about a specific forum, please message the mod of that forum. And if you have problems with the site in general, or any single member, please message any admod. The following are also nifty links to take a look at: Welcome Lounge Mini Manual | Welcoming 101 | Quick Guide to the Forums | Asexuality FAQ's Again, welcome to AVEN and I hope your stay is everything you hoped! Link to post Share on other sites
N90 Posted November 21, 2017 Author Share Posted November 21, 2017 Just to further tease out how I feel, I've meet people who I've admired/liked for a few reasons, because they seem like someone I can get on well with and enjoy spending time with but my mind doesn't jump to having sex with them but I would have liked a relationship with them. The relationships I would have enjoyed would have been the close friendships I would have had with good/best friends. I like to think that I'm mature enough to be flattered by someone being attracted to be even though I may not feel them way and I won't necessarily feel the same way. When people talk about sex, I may listen but I'm particularly interested. Maybe I'm just interested in close friendships where we care and support each other but I don't obsess over having a romantic or sexual relationship. I'm not sure in constitutes a form of asexuality. I don'y understand the obsession over relationships and don't understand why people can't have close/rewarding friendships. Surely a strong friendship is a strong foundation for any other type of relationship someone may choose to have? Link to post Share on other sites
Lichley Posted November 21, 2017 Share Posted November 21, 2017 2 hours ago, N90 said: Just to further tease out how I feel, I've meet people who I've admired/liked for a few reasons, because they seem like someone I can get on well with and enjoy spending time with but my mind doesn't jump to having sex with them but I would have liked a relationship with them. The relationships I would have enjoyed would have been the close friendships I would have had with good/best friends. I like to think that I'm mature enough to be flattered by someone being attracted to be even though I may not feel them way and I won't necessarily feel the same way. When people talk about sex, I may listen but I'm particularly interested. Maybe I'm just interested in close friendships where we care and support each other but I don't obsess over having a romantic or sexual relationship. I'm not sure in constitutes a form of asexuality. I don'y understand the obsession over relationships and don't understand why people can't have close/rewarding friendships. Surely a strong friendship is a strong foundation for any other type of relationship someone may choose to have? Hmm this sounds like aromanticism as well. Where you don't want romantic relationships but would instead prefer finding a kindred soul with whom to spend the rest of your life with, without the need for a romantic or sexual relationship. Does that sound like what you want? Link to post Share on other sites
N90 Posted November 21, 2017 Author Share Posted November 21, 2017 I've been quite happy and satisfied when i'very had a good friend to spend time with and been able to enjoy my own personal space to recharge so in that regard, I'm struggling to understand the need for a romantic/sexual relationship. I struggle to understand why my parents and other people think having a girlfriend will be good for me! Link to post Share on other sites
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