Asexual married to a sexual

[Agathaas]

I'm beginning to think that I am asexual. I was brought up in a religious household and was always told to 'save sex for marriage'. I dated one guy as a teenager and the whole not having sex thing was pretty easy for me- I just never wanted to. I never looked at myself naked in the mirror and yearly gynecological exams are painful. I married a wonderful guy seven months ago. We were both virgins so we agreed to take it slow and work up to having penetrative sex. I guess I never realized how disgusting I find sexual things. I think penises and vaginas are gross looking. Semen smells disgusting and makes me feel dirty. I give him hand jobs but then have to go wash my hands right away and the smell is just terrible. He asks me to give him oral sex. I did once or twice and spit the semen back onto him- he said this was gross and dirty and I should just swallow it. But its disgusting! Now he is telling me that hand jobs are 'boring'. He's getting antsy and wants more. I don't know what to do! 

[Shadowstepper]

Be honest. Be kind.

 

These sort of things can blow up into extreme arguments if you don't talk to him about it. It can blow up into even worse arguments if you approach it wrong.

 

I would suggest not opening up the conversation with "its disgusting!", as that will definitely put him in a confrontational state of mind. 

 

It is important for every couple to talk openly and honestly about the things they want, sexual or otherwise, and an asexual is no different. There are tons of married asexuals on this site, with relationships that range from mutual decisions to not have sex, to mutual decisions to have sex often, and everything in between.

 

Just open the conversation up and try to keep things peaceful when possible.

 

And for the record, my wife is an extremely sexual person, and she thinks semen in her mouth is gross too, I kinda think that's the normal reaction.