I’m shy, but hi 🤙

[Kate19]

Hey my name is Kate

 

I’m studying music in college (specifically commercial music in the jazz studies track). I’m 19 and I live with my parents and siblings.

 

I didn’t come to terms with my asexuality for a while because every time the idea came into my view, something pushed it away. When I was 16, I was telling my friend about an uncomfortable sexual experience, and he said I might have been a lesbian. (Which he’d already been suspicious of because I’d never wanted to date him.) This was the first time I ever really thought about my sexuality. I’d always assumed I was straight because I’d had crushes on boys when I was younger (though looking back, I realize I had crushes on girls too), but I decided I wasn’t really attracted to girls either. So I told my parents. 

 

“I don’t like boys.”

 

”Do you like girls?” My dad asked.

 

”Not really.”

 

”That’s fine, it’s probably just a phase.”

 

So I assumed it was. A yearish later, I met this boy and realized I wasn’t repulsed by the idea of kissing him, so I assumed the phase was over and I was officially straight. But around my 3rd or 4th boyfriend, I realized that the way I felt about them and the way they felt about me were completely different. My last boyfriend once said something along the lines of “I could never date an asexual. I want the girl I’m with to ‘want’ me.” (This was just after I took the Kinsey test and got ‘not sexual’.) So I pretended that I was attracted to him, but began harboring feelings of guilt because I knew that he would be heartbroken if he found out that I didn’t feel the same way about him. (He was somewhat of a horndog.) We broke up because of something unrelated, but sometimes, I still feel like I could never date someone (at least someone sexually attracted to me) again because I’d never be able to feel the same way about them. I guess I feel like I “owe” something to my potential significant other, even though I know deep down that my feelings are valid.

 

One of my best friends really wanted me to date our mutual friend, but wasn’t attracted to him and I didn’t have a desire for a relationship, and I kept telling her that, but she didn’t believe me. She assumes that I am this way because I was sexually assaulted by a good friend in high school, and says I need to “overcome it”. And even though there was a time when I might have dated him, I didn’t feel the same anymore, and I would feel guilty dating someone who was attracted to me. It was (and is) really hurtful that she didn’t accept me.

 

Most of my friends know I’m not attracted to boys, and I’m guessing lots of people assume I’m gay, which I don’t mind, especially because I think I might have feelings for my best friend, who’s a girl? And it means I get approached less often, which is a plus. (I live in a community/college where homesexuality isn’t acceptable, and I’ve never had a girl flirt with me.) I don’t know if “coming out” is something I really want to do, because it doesn’t feel super important for some reason, and I’m not sure if I want the attention. But I’m coming to terms with the label, and might start using it to describe myself.

 

[Kereth]

Well, hey, welcome! And congrats on starting to figure yourself out!!

 

have some cake:

[Lichley]

Welcome! I'm sorry to hear that you've had to put up with some people who were less than accepting of your asexuality. Your school doesn't sound very fun either, being a homophobic college. I hope you can find yourself in a place of acceptance with people who can understand you for the wonderful person you are  

[Lia]

Hello there, and welcome to AVEN! 

As part of my welcome to you, I'd like to point out some important threads that might be helpful in your first few days here.  The Terms of Service is here. We recommend you read it over, and if you have any questions please don't hesitate to send either myself or any other administrator or moderator (the "admod" team, as we're called) a message.  Also, there's a handy forum called Site Info, which has some useful information including a thread outlining who moderates which forum. If you ever need something done in or have questions about a specific forum, please message the mod of that forum. And if you have problems with the site in general, or any single member, please message any admod. 

The following are also nifty links to take a look at:  Welcome Lounge Mini Manual | Welcoming 101 | Quick Guide to the Forums | Asexuality FAQ's

 Again, welcome to AVEN and I hope your stay is everything you hoped!