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BritishGentleman

Platonic Partner?

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Jarl Surf
On 11/21/2017 at 5:24 AM, Iced Milk Boy said:

If the word platonic means "not really romantic" then why the romantic? I'm just a bit confused. Please elaborate on this word, please. :) (I'll be gone as soon as I post this because of school. Please don't be mad at my curiosity! :o)

What I mean by platoniromantic is that I experience a deep, loving connection, hard, intimate friendships, but it isn't sexual (platonic). The romantic part is my deep love for my friends, idealized. It is affectionate, I am very fond of people I make these connections with, but I do not feel sexual attraction towards them or sensual attraction. Touches make me very nervous, though I can endure, but that's as far as I can go.

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ResistanceFighter

I wish I could have a qpr but I honestly don't even understand how straight people find people to date let alone how ace/aro people meet other aces so I have no real hope particularly since you also need to find someone whose personality is compatible with yours.

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Firefly1495

I also really like the idea of this, but I'm just not sure how realistic it is; how many people actually find someone else they get along with who wants a qpr too? i don't even know another asexual in my real life, much less an allosexual who would be part of a qpr with me. Maybe I'm just not as hopeful as other people but I don't think I'll ever find someone like that.... anyone else with experience in a qpr want to prove me wrong?:) 

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Rhyme

In my ideal future, I'm in a qpr, but I'm sceptical about finding someone. I don't even know how I'd go about it, unless I happen to have a friend who wants a qpr as well. I don't like the idea of dating websites or apps. 

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Galactic Turtle
On 11/19/2017 at 2:49 PM, BritishGentleman said:

So I haven’t really read too much on here about the need for an almost platonic partner.

 

I understand there is this idea of a queerplatonic relationship, but it probably means a lot of different things to everyone.

 

Does anyone find themselves almost aversed by romance, yet still desiring a partner who is like a best friend? The feeling for me is hard to explain. This person is above other platonic relationships, but the bond with them is deep and real. Almost like a family member or sibling or best friend, yet you could see yourself being with them forever.

 

Is this what queerplatonic is? Does anyone else feel as if this isnt discussed enough?

My feelings are a bit murky about this. I suppose when I first heard of a QPR my mind automatically equated that to BFF that you probably live with until you grow old so... basically a couple in that you've formed this arrangement that makes this one friend different from all your other friends. Of course for me the unspoken aspect of that suggests that the people involved in this type of relationship wouldn't be getting married and having kids with someone else which is why I understand a QPR as basically "marrying a friend" even if you're not legally married that's... basically the point: you're anchoring with this person with the idea that they won't be similarly anchored to someone else. I know around AVEN I think I've seen one person who is in a QPR with someone who is in a romantic relationship with someone else though so I could be wrong about all this.

 

I think most people desire to form relationships with other humans to some extent. I enjoy having friends and family out there in the world. I imagine that without all of those people my life would be quite different. That being said I don't find myself actively desiring this exclusive type of partner. I have a friend who I consider to be my best friend. I might socialize with a lot of people but I'd really only call four of them my friends. My best friend is a girl I've known since I was four.  My feelings for her aren't something "above platonic" though if it was eventually revealed that she had no interest in dating or anchoring herself to a romantic partner, my mind would automatically be like "hey Turtle, this person will be in a similar situation as you when you grow older, maybe you should become roommates and have each other's backs in a more firm way than what would be possible if she went off and got married." 

 

So in short: I don't actively desire a QPR but if a friend of mine expressed a lifelong disinterest in pursuing romantic/sexual relationships and our life trajectories looked like they might complement each other well, I would be interested in becoming longterm if not lifelong roommates or... long distance super buddy which would automatically make my relationship with that person different than with my other friends just by virtue of me probably depending more on that person day to day and my decisions impacting that person more day to day. At this point it doesn't seem like that will be happening with any of my friends. Despite that, I still view them as people I'll have a relationship with for a long time if not the rest of my life... I just know that in the relationship hierarchy that is life, as we get older we'll probably have less time to spend with each other because of other responsibilities. 

 

 

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