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BritishGentleman

Platonic Partner?

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BritishGentleman

So I haven’t really read too much on here about the need for an almost platonic partner.

 

I understand there is this idea of a queerplatonic relationship, but it probably means a lot of different things to everyone.

 

Does anyone find themselves almost aversed by romance, yet still desiring a partner who is like a best friend? The feeling for me is hard to explain. This person is above other platonic relationships, but the bond with them is deep and real. Almost like a family member or sibling or best friend, yet you could see yourself being with them forever.

 

Is this what queerplatonic is? Does anyone else feel as if this isnt discussed enough?

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Zenzencat104

I feel this way with all my friends, I thought it was ‘typical’ for friendship and didn’t get it’s own terminology, but IDK.

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Lichley

It's a squish. A "platonic crush" as some call it, where you feel more strongly for them than a mere friend or family member, and yet the feeling is not romantic, but more of a kindred soul with whom you can talk with about the strangeness of romance and sex.

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BritishGentleman
1 hour ago, Lichley said:

It's a squish. A "platonic crush" as some call it, where you feel more strongly for them than a mere friend or family member, and yet the feeling is not romantic, but more of a kindred soul with whom you can talk with about the strangeness of romance and sex.

I really enjoy what you stated about it being a “kindred soul”. That fits for me.

 

@Wish Bear 🌠

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bonny
1 hour ago, BritishGentleman said:

Does anyone find themselves almost aversed by romance, yet still desiring a partner who is like a best friend? The feeling for me is hard to explain. This person is above other platonic relationships, but the bond with them is deep and real. Almost like a family member or sibling or best friend, yet you could see yourself being with them forever.

 

Yes. But to me it seems like some kind of unattainable ideal. I feel like I see friendship as something far deeper and more committed than what most people have with the people they call their "friends". 

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Wish Bear 🌠

What we're all basically hoping for is a spiritual connection. I think the majority of people don't have even one person in their life that they share that kind of connection with.

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StormySky

Yeah, it'd be great to have someone put the "forever" in bff.

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LadyWallflower

My dream is to have a queer-platonic partner. I see them as being deeper than being a friend. Someone you share a spiritual or emotional attachment to. I see myself as cohabiting a house with them. :) 

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Ruru+Saphhy=Garnet

I desire a QPR.  Like Ladywallflower stated, I see them as being deeper than being a friend. Someone you can share a deep emotional bond with. 

I see myself living with my QPP as well. 

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artzcat

Yeah I have this desire to have a friendship with someone where we have this unspoken deep bond that is on the same level as siblings. I am very close to my sisters and even though they are extroverted and have tons of friends and their own lives they have a particularly special bond with me because we grew up in the same household and it's like no else can understand our family the way we do. And also we're always gonna be sisters. 

 

That is the kind of thing I would want to have with someone else. A kind of partnership in which we do not have to prove we care about each other with romantic gestures but we both know we have a bond that no one else can understand or even be a part of. It's cool if they have things they don't tell me about but to know we have something special and private between us would be nice. But that is all super idealistic. Almost no one wants that kind of thing and the few who do would be impossible to find. So I just stick to lots daydreaming 

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Iced Milk Boy

I wish for something like this as well. If I had a qpp, I'd want to know how their day went, I want to listen to their troubles and help them through hard times. I'd like to sit on the couch and watch movies or anime together (not cuddling but sitting close) and I'd want them and I to be the other half, helping each other, saying everything's gonna be okay. Someone like that is very hard to come by if romance or sex is not involved. 

 

If it's possible for me to find someone like that, then I'd be damn well happy! 

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BritishGentleman
7 hours ago, artzcat said:

But that is all super idealistic. Almost no one wants that kind of thing and the few who do would be impossible to find. So I just stick to lots daydreaming 

Honestly it seems like everyone who has comment sees it as a very unrealistic preference. I previously thought it was unrealistic as well. Everyone I came across, even many other asexuals, desired sex and/or romance or didnt desire any QP/Platonic partner at all. Yet, look at all of you guys posting on this thread!! We all seem so lost and stick to dreaming but I think it could be a reality. I know it seems harder to come across, but I still think it could happen. 

 

1 hour ago, Iced Milk Boy said:

I wish for something like this as well. If I had a qpp, I'd want to know how their day went, I want to listen to their troubles and help them through hard times. I'd like to sit on the couch and watch movies or anime together (not cuddling but sitting close) and I'd want them and I to be the other half, helping each other, saying everything's gonna be okay. Someone like that is very hard to come by if romance or sex is not involved. 

 

If it's possible for me to find someone like that, then I'd be damn well happy! 

Ahem bro. Me too.

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artzcat
1 hour ago, BritishGentleman said:

Honestly it seems like everyone who has comment sees it as a very unrealistic preference. I previously thought it was unrealistic as well. Everyone I came across, even many other asexuals, desired sex and/or romance or didnt desire any QP/Platonic partner at all. Yet, look at all of you guys posting on this thread!! We all seem so lost and stick to dreaming but I think it could be a reality. I know it seems harder to come across, but I still think it could happen. 

 

 

I would really love to be optimistic or hopeful that it could happen but once I figure in compatibility and is this person going to change their mind and also where the heck am I gonna find this person, I'm just like no it's not gonna happen. At least not for me.

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karnzter

Also on the same page as @LadyWallflower and @Ruru+Saphhy=Garnet. The possibility and/or chance of living together with a platonic partner would be nice. Just as long as we have set some rules, boundaries and limitations and have separate bedrooms, bathrooms and all-in-one studies/game rooms/offices/reading nooks; I'm open to it. We can always hang out together in the living room, kitchen and dining room whenever possible and/or feel like it.

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StormySky

The real quest is finding someone who can tolerate (and even enjoy) my antics for all eternity, haha!

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Wish Bear 🌠

My brother is already my best friend in that way but he's not going to be around forever. :(

 

I'm really bummed about having that kind of friendship but knowing I am going to lose it..

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Jarl Surf

It is most definitely possible, because I have the person, my best friend, my soul mate, my everything. She's my best friend, and I identify as bi-platoniromantic ace. I've wanted closeness with others, but that connection is so impossible to get with someone else. I've never met anyone else like us, and most people think we're lesbians. XDXD

 

Nah, we're just so close on that level. No one is more important to me ^^ 

 

It is very uplifting and the best thing in the world. I would wish this for everyone, and all of you as well. <3

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karnzter
6 hours ago, StormySky said:

The real quest is finding someone who can tolerate (and even enjoy) my antics for all eternity, haha!

Second to that.

 

Like doing and drying the dishes and kitchenware immediately once done using, making plans on things weeks ahead (e.g.: I've been planning my budget and things-to-do once The Disaster Artist is out in theaters in two-plus weeks), listening to certain songs on repeat (what? I like *insert song title here* a lot), laughing out loud to the point I get called out for it being way too loud and unladylike (which has happened always), having very cold AC temperatures, watching Netflix, Food Network or BBC Earth all day (the news and most of the TV shows stresses me out and I'm very picky with what I watch).

 

Some of my family members find my quirks annoying (especially the washing and TV marathon part). I'm not sure if my distant future platonic companionate partner would tolerate them xD D:

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Iced Milk Boy
6 hours ago, Jarl Surf said:

platoniromantic

If the word platonic means "not really romantic" then why the romantic? I'm just a bit confused. Please elaborate on this word, please. :) (I'll be gone as soon as I post this because of school. Please don't be mad at my curiosity! :o)

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Lotta_Biscotti

Dude YES I want super best friends! I've always loved stories where it's like, two best friends against the world, or whatever opposition or trouble they encounter. I've heard the term QPP before, but it'd been so long that I kinda forgot there was a word for it. I love stories of friendship and bromance, and try to embrace these things in my life when applicable, but I do feel limited by other peoples' expectations, and other times by feeling like a third wheel.

 

On 11/19/2017 at 9:28 PM, StormySky said:

Yeah, it'd be great to have someone put the "forever" in bff.

Exactly this. I understand how other people's priorities are, for the most part, all going to end up their spouses and kids. I get that, but it would be nice to have that level of commitment with someone else, without having to marry them. It's like... what about the rest of us who don't want to get married? I feel like at some point, even if you're close friends with someone, you can still end up-- at least feeling-- disposable. Not disliked by any means, just... not viewed as something more or less permanent or important. Like you're never top shelf. In turn, it just feels harder to get close to people sometimes, IMO. It would be nice to have mutual security, and validation.

 

Every now and then though, usually only with couples who are friends with other couples, I'll see people who can just be super BFFs forever, like "oh, we've been best friends for 30+ years". Like, damn, how do I get my version of that? How come I never see single people stay in these friend groups, unless they're divorced or widowed? Can we just be ultimate cool pals without going through marriage and parenting together?

 

@karnzter I have been living with a roommate who's even cleaner than I am, and our kitchen is basically always spotless. It has been the BEST thing I didn't expect to be able to have. You are not alone!!

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BritishGentleman

Yeah. It’s rather odd. I do get this vibe from the average person that when they are making platonic friends, even if you’re their “best friend” they lowkey have this understanding that spouses and dating are more important time and energy wise.

 

I suppose in a sense I can understand where they are coming from. Yet at the same time my greatest form of friendship is companionship?

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Euna
On 11/20/2017 at 8:14 PM, Wish Bear 🌠 said:

My brother is already my best friend in that way but he's not going to be around forever. :(

 

I'm really bummed about having that kind of friendship but knowing I am going to lose it..

Same.  I'm also afraid my siblings are going to have significant-others I don't like, which will take them even further away from me.  My hope and prayer is they meet nice, decent people that don't take them for granted. 

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Wish Bear 🌠
2 hours ago, Euna said:

Same.  I'm also afraid my siblings are going to have significant-others I don't like, which will take them even further away from me.  My hope and prayer is they meet nice, decent people that don't take them for granted. 

I would just try to trust them to make good decisions and not worry about it if you can. Though I can definitely understand where you're coming from. But if they do find bad partners, there isn't anything you can do about it anyway. :/

 

I didn't like my sister's now-husband at first. Over the years, things have relaxed between us enough that I am fine with her being married to him. Plus, this is what she wants.

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Tintinfan

I could go for a platonic companion. Just a closer Friend than useal. 

Sounds nice... But unlikely to happen.

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StormySky

I've always been the "come to me when the relationship crashes and burns so I give you emotional support" friend.

 

Though I know people who are "over and done with having their hearts broken... 4ever" and maybe they make more loyal bffs.

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StormySky

The question is, how to build close friendships in a world so overly romanticized?? 

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Wish Bear 🌠

^ The great mystery of life.

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BritishGentleman
2 hours ago, StormySky said:

The question is, how to build close friendships in a world so overly romanticized?? 

This really is the question

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Wish Bear 🌠

None of my friends apart from siblings were very good friends so I am sort of back and forth about whether I would want a platonic partner. It would definitely have to be someone who values friendship, and especially friendship with me.

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GreatAmadeus19

I just recently got into a queerplatonic or "quasi-platonic" relationship with one of my college friends I've known since last year. I find it interesting because we feel a deep emotional connection to each other as friends, and sometimes we do romantic things like cuddling, or he kisses me on the cheek, just cute little things like that. I had never heard of this sort of thing before but I actually really enjoy it because he respects my ace-ness (lol) even though he is an allosexual. So idk what we would call ourselves because we have slight romantic interactions but we're still platonic? Idk haha but I'm really happy with it :)

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