Demigender and demisexual??..help.

[VioletR]

I have never been so confused and scared in my life... I feel silly for being here, but I have to be clear on who I am.. I hope this doesn't come across as dramatic, I'm really not trying to be but here goes...

 

 

since i was was old enough to remember, I've never quite felt the gender assigned to me (female), dresses repulse me, but I wore a dress for my wedding day, to my school prom. 

I feel with everything I say to counter my own argument I have one to support it... I know I am physically a female, as I was born one.. But saying it feels odd almost wrong, and always has done, I don't want to become a male, I don't want the male parts, but I can't say for definate that I don't want to sometimes dress as one or at least less female looking, but I also like when I do dress like my assigned gender, for example I wear a tiny bit of makeup.  I came across the term Demigirl, which really seems to fit.. However there's also something else that bothers me..

 

Firstly I'm in a relationship with a male, he is a cis male, this could just be that I'm in a loving relationship but I do not and have not got  arroused by anyone..what I mean is I see someone physically and do not feel that.. Well I think it's obvious maybe what I'm saying here I think.. But obviously as I'm in a loving relationship with my husband we do have that sexual chemistry and an emotional chemistry if that makes sense.., but not as I think it should be? I don't want to get Too much into it as I'm confused as it is..

 

could I be a Demigirl and demisexual? 

[Lichley]

Yeah, demigirl describes your gender identity, and demisexual describes your sexuality. Demisexual just means that it takes time and a lot of emotional bonding to provoke certain feelings, and it has nothing to do with gender. 

[Angelnoir]

3 hours ago, VioletR said:

since i was was old enough to remember, I've never quite felt the gender assigned to me (female), dresses repulse me, but I wore a dress for my wedding day, to my school prom. 

I feel with everything I say to counter my own argument I have one to support it... I know I am physically a female, as I was born one.. But saying it feels odd almost wrong, and always has done, I don't want to become a male, I don't want the male parts, but I can't say for definate that I don't want to sometimes dress as one or at least less female looking, but I also like when I do dress like my assigned gender, for example I wear a tiny bit of makeup.  I came across the term Demigirl, which really seems to fit.. However there's also something else that bothers me..

Maybe these questions will help you to think about these sensations:

How do you think (theoretically) females feel as females?

What do dresses have to do with being or feeling female in your opinion?

Why do you think personally, it feels wrong to call yourself female? (I.e. not saying it feels wrong because it feels wrong, but searching for the reasons behind these feelings.)

How does dressing and appearance (feminine or masculine) relate to being male or female? Can't females wear whatever they like and still be female? (And the same for males.)

 

Whatever you decide, our feelings are not always reflections of reality, sometimes they are. Sometimes it's about choosing how to react to our feelings and accept them (and maybe look behind the reasons for it).

 

[Zyden]

I can relate as a demigirl demisexual, but maybe you're making yourself unhappy by over-thinking this?

 

Obviously being demi anything sort of puts you in the middle ground, but trying to guess what is normal is going to make you very unhappy. Comparing yourself to others will make you very unhappy. Labelling yourself and thinking it will stick forever will make you unhappy.

 

It already sounds like you're in a good relationship with your S/O. Do the things you're worrying about bother him? 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[VioletR]

I guess I'm looking for a definitive X, y or Z if that makes sense, but slowly realising for myself personally that may not be the case? 

 

I think I see a lot of cis females that are more female than myself and perhaps I confuse that with personal preferences?, but again I'm  not so sure.

 

my other half isn't bothered about the possible demisexual side, we have a very supportive relationship so I know we're OK there, so perhaps that part doesn't matter if it has a label?.

 

i guess what I'm aiming for is closure on a lot of suppressed feelings over the years, to feel like I'm not alone or the only person, even with the knowledge that no two people are ever the same, label or not.

 

Demigirl fits me so well, and perhaps it won't always, I think I need to accept myself for who I am, no more hiding, fretting about my feelings.

 

 

[Angelnoir]

10 hours ago, VioletR said:

I think I see a lot of cis females that are more female than myself and perhaps I confuse that with personal preferences?, but again I'm  not so sure.

....

Demigirl fits me so well, and perhaps it won't always, I think I need to accept myself for who I am, no more hiding, fretting about my feelings.

But are those females more female than you or are they more feminine than you in their expressions?

Does feminine outer appearance and expression equate with being female (more or less)?

Do you have to identify with what is considered feminine to be female? 

 

I don't know, I always like to think about all those kind of questions. 

But I think, the most important thing is to accept yourself and just be the way you are. Whether you need a label for that or not, that's your decision, if it serves you a purpose.