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Romantic attraction...?


Alisonh

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What makes someone heteroromantic vs being aromantic? How is romantic attraction defined and categorized?

 

I guess i just don't understand what romantic attraction is or what it refers to in relation to other people/relationships. I know I'm asexual, but beyond that, there are too many branches to keep up with. Is there a way to simplify romantic attraction?? And a way to define aromantic?

 

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I personally got tired of trying to define things and classify, so I simply just go with what I feel and leave it at that.  I know I have no interest or want for sex, so I figure I'm likely asexual.  I'm not a very touchy feely person in a physical sense, so my idea of romance is probably played down compared to some people, but I will sometimes picture myself with a life partner, having deep conversations, holding hands while strolling through the park, or cuddling on a couch. Again, these might be played down compared to some people, but I don't cuddle or hold hands with friends, even my very close ones. I'm very reserved about who I completely open up with, so to me, a romantic partner would be that one special person.  Anyway... In these instances, I can only imagine it with a guy, so I figure that would classify as some degree of heteoromantic. I don't have any scientific terms to share, or papers to link to. I've just got what I feel, and I'm sure you'll find that different romantics also have different ways they define being romantic.

 

I can't speak for an aromantic (hopefully, someone will respond to compare), but my understanding is that there is no special distinction. I mean, yes, there are some people you like more than others, but no dividing line with wanting to do romantic things with one person over another. (I apologize if I got that wrong).  

 

Moral or the story: just go with what you feel and you'll find the people who mesh best with you, whether romantic or not.

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I think it's quite hard to define what romantic attraction is or even what it feels like per se, just how it represents itself.

 

I'd start with questions like:

"Do you want a romantic relationship specifically or would you like a platonic relationship or one based on trust and friend/companionship over romance and deep rooted love?"

"Do you think you'd be fine being single for all your life?"

"Do you have crushes on people or just platonic crushes (wanting to become friends with someone or feeling really happy or smiley thinking of someone without it being romantic)?"

 

I used to think I'd have a relationship eventually but it was always more based on trust over anything romantic in my head, so I totally get why it can be confusing. If it helps, I definitely recommend reading people's experiences here about what it was like to discover they romantic attraction or what a specific label means to them.

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Moved from Questions about Asexuality to Romantic and Aromantic Orientations.

 

TheAP

Questions about Asexuality co-mod

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