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Am I graysexual or just young?


Enigma--

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So I'm really young - 13 - and I'm questioning my sexuality. I'm a cisgender gal and have never had sexual urges towards any person. I don't get the fascination with butts or torsos. I just got my first ?crush? but not sure if it is one because I don't really want to be romantic with the guy. I just low-key get nervous around him, and want to talk with him a lot. I like his personality.

 

Sounds ace so far, but the thing is that I think I have a libido - and I would feel ok about having sex with someone I do not know, like a one night stand. I might even get turned on. But having sex with someone I know - even my crush - is squicky. I feel repulsed towards the idea. Is this a phase that most allosexual people go through or does it suggest I am on the ace spectrum?

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Having a libido doesn't mean you're not ace. Many asexuals do have a libido and masturbate. When you say you would be okay with having sex with someone you don't know, do you mean that you're just not repulsed by it, even though you don't feel any desire to do it? If so, not all asexuals are repulsed by sex: some are just indifferent to it. If you actually feel sexual attraction to people you don't know, but not to people you know, you may be fraysexual (experiencing sexual attraction but having it fade as you get to know the person better.)

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2 hours ago, Enigma-- said:

So I'm really young - 13 - and I'm questioning my sexuality. I'm a cisgender gal and have never had sexual urges towards any person. I don't get the fascination with butts or torsos. I just got my first ?crush? but not sure if it is one because I don't really want to be romantic with the guy. I just low-key get nervous around him, and want to talk with him a lot. I like his personality.

 

Sounds ace so far, but the thing is that I think I have a libido - and I would feel ok about having sex with someone I do not know, like a one night stand. I might even get turned on. But having sex with someone I know - even my crush - is squicky. I feel repulsed towards the idea. Is this a phase that most allosexual people go through or does it suggest I am on the ace spectrum?

 

Well, for a lot of people (especially women) that stuff sometimes doesn't start until late teens or even early 20's.

 

Also, please don't have sex with a stranger, for a start, and 2) if you're only 13 and already considering that you may get turned on by the idea of sex with a stranger.. well, that sounds quite, well er, very sexual to me. 

 

Not feeling that way for someone you care about is less common, but a lot of the 13 year old girls I've met (well, other than one.. who got pregnant AT 13) generally seem to be thinking more about cuddles and kisses etc with their crush and less about actually having sex with them. I mean, I've known plenty who are even scared or squicked out by the idea of sex at your age.

 

I'd say, give it some more time before settling on an identity. Plenty of people don't even know if they're gay or straight or bi or what at your age, so jumping to the conclusion that you're ace (especially given what you said about sex with strangers) may be going a little too fast.

 

However regarding the libido thing, yes asexual's can masturbate they just don't have any desire to have sex with other people for pleasure,

 

regarding what AP said about Freysexual, that's actually quite a common experience for sexual people but that doesn't sound like what you're explaining anyway. Other than considering maybe being turned on by having sex with a stranger (which is quite extreme) everything else sounds pretty normal to me at your age :)

 

You're of course free to identify however you want though. :cake:

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2 hours ago, TheAP said:

Having a libido doesn't mean you're not ace. Many asexuals do have a libido and masturbate. When you say you would be okay with having sex with someone you don't know, do you mean that you're just not repulsed by it, even though you don't feel any desire to do it? If so, not all asexuals are repulsed by sex: some are just indifferent to it. If you actually feel sexual attraction to people you don't know, but not to people you know, you may be fraysexual (experiencing sexual attraction but having it fade as you get to know the person better.)

Yeah, I would like to revise that statement. On the welcome thread I posted a more accurate statement. It's like the idea of sex does not squick me out, but the idea of having sex WITH SOMEONE ELSE does. Even if I didn't know them it would be gross - I misrepresented myself.

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23 minutes ago, FictoVore. said:

 

Well, for a lot of people (especially women) that stuff sometimes doesn't start until late teens or even early 20's.

 

Also, please don't have sex with a stranger, for a start, and 2) if you're only 13 and already considering that you may get turned on by the idea of sex with a stranger.. well, that sounds quite, well er, very sexual to me. 

 

Not feeling that way for someone you care about is less common, but a lot of the 13 year old girls I've met (well, other than one.. who got pregnant AT 13) generally seem to be thinking more about cuddles and kisses etc with their crush and less about actually having sex with them. I mean, I've known plenty who are even scared or squicked out by the idea of sex at your age.

 

I'd say, give it some more time before settling on an identity. Plenty of people don't even know if they're gay or straight or bi or what at your age, so jumping to the conclusion that you're ace (especially given what you said about sex with strangers) may be going a little too fast.

 

However regarding the libido thing, yes asexual's can masturbate they just don't have any desire to have sex with other people for pleasure,

 

regarding what AP said about Freysexual, that's actually quite a common experience for sexual people but that doesn't sound like what you're explaining anyway. Other than considering maybe being turned on by having sex with a stranger (which is quite extreme) everything else sounds pretty normal to me at your age :)

 

You're of course free to identify however you want though. :cake:

Yes that's all very true. See my comment below/above though (not sure what order these are in). I didn't really articulate my feelings well. It's like sex with someone else seems really gross, whereas just the concept of sex is fine. It's probably something that I'll age out of.

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1 hour ago, Enigma-- said:

Yes that's all very true. See my comment below/above though (not sure what order these are in). I didn't really articulate my feelings well. It's like sex with someone else seems really gross, whereas just the concept of sex is fine. It's probably something that I'll age out of.

You could age out of that feeling, or you might not. Either way is fine, as long as you are happy :)

 

A lot of people, especially women, don't much like the idea of having sex with others until they really know their partner. A lot of my straight, female friends who are sexual (vs asexual) find the male anatomy really gross, but when they love someone and are in the mood, it becomes exciting to them.

 

I'm glad you are exploring yourself and thinking about yourself maturely. It's good to think about what you like and don't like, but also letting yourself explore what you aren't sure about yourself and letting yourself grow to be a different person tomorrow.

 

Welcome to AVEN, I hope it'll be an excellent resource for you! :cake:

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Apathetic Echidna
On 17/11/2017 at 9:10 AM, Enigma-- said:

I don't get the fascination with butts

neither. I think it is just as aesthetic preference thing though -like some people prefer muscles or blondes. Butts and torsos just happen to be fairly common and so get lots of media coverage. 

On 17/11/2017 at 9:10 AM, Enigma-- said:

I just got my first ?crush? but not sure if it is one because I don't really want to be romantic with the guy.

Having romantic and having sexual attractions are generally seen as different things, so having a non-romantic crush (also referred to as a squish) says more about your romantic orientation than your sexual orientation. However figuring out your romantic orientation at a young age can be hard if you don't have romance specific aversions or repulsions. For example it seems to be the later teens or older who discover they are demiromantic. 

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