Laikaos Posted January 13, 2018 Share Posted January 13, 2018 I'm still not entirely sure about my sexuality or lack thereof. However, I do have a "sex" drive. I just don't want sex. I will masturbate because it feels good and relieves stress and anxiety. But when I look at sexual content, I don't imagine myself in it. It just keeps me focused so I don't get distracted. It's the release of chemicals I enjoy, not the act itself. If that makes sense. Link to post Share on other sites
MrDane Posted January 14, 2018 Share Posted January 14, 2018 On 13/1/2018 at 5:20 AM, Laikaos said: I'm still not entirely sure about my sexuality or lack thereof. However, I do have a "sex" drive. I just don't want sex. I will masturbate because it feels good and relieves stress and anxiety. But when I look at sexual content, I don't imagine myself in it. It just keeps me focused so I don't get distracted. It's the release of chemicals I enjoy, not the act itself. If that makes sense. Pardon my french and tmi and all that warning-stuff. So it is like a massage to yourself, but with sexy out of the equation. “I rub this part of my body, until I get that nice rush of chemicals which will put my stress/anxiety back to low” if I may ask...? If you had a close partner. Would it change something if he/she did the ‘rubbing’? Link to post Share on other sites
Laikaos Posted January 14, 2018 Share Posted January 14, 2018 2 hours ago, MrDane said: If you had a close partner. Would it change something if he/she did the ‘rubbing’? Good question, this is something I have thought about. This is just how it works for me, I don't speak for anyone else. Again, slight TMI warning! My first boyfriend actually gave me my first orgasm. I didn't even know what it meant or what it was. I had *never* touched myself at all. He did the "massaging" so to speak. However, I am sex-averse, if not sex-repulsed. It took me a long time in therapy and some medication to get the guilt out of my mind. Even still, I freak out about it. When I'm alone, I am fine with it to some extent. I've become to accept it as a physical need and stress reliever. Something I can take care of on my own. Adding a partner to it ruins the stress relief part of it for me. I then feel pressured to "perform" and then to reciprocate the sexual act. If they were close, and I was comfortable with them, I would let them "massage" me as long as they understood that I am not going to help them the same way. And after I had that chemical release, I would want them to leave and give me some space. Because even if they reassured me over and over that they didn't expect anything, I would still feel as though I owed them. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MrDane Posted January 14, 2018 Share Posted January 14, 2018 7 hours ago, Laikaos said: Good question, this is something I have thought about. This is just how it works for me, I don't speak for anyone else. Again, slight TMI warning! My first boyfriend actually gave me my first orgasm. I didn't even know what it meant or what it was. I had *never* touched myself at all. He did the "massaging" so to speak. However, I am sex-averse, if not sex-repulsed. It took me a long time in therapy and some medication to get the guilt out of my mind. Even still, I freak out about it. When I'm alone, I am fine with it to some extent. I've become to accept it as a physical need and stress reliever. Something I can take care of on my own. Adding a partner to it ruins the stress relief part of it for me. I then feel pressured to "perform" and then to reciprocate the sexual act. If they were close, and I was comfortable with them, I would let them "massage" me as long as they understood that I am not going to help them the same way. And after I had that chemical release, I would want them to leave and give me some space. Because even if they reassured me over and over that they didn't expect anything, I would still feel as though I owed them. Yes, I do see the difficulties in that! Personally I fear my acer is slowly drifting towards repulsion or at least ‘to much stress involved to be able to appreciate the good stuff’. I can see how she slows down on other things, like hugging, kissing... in the end, we can live with a lot as long as we have love. I just hop to keep both love with my wife and best of all some degree of mutually enjoyable times with massages. Link to post Share on other sites
Laikaos Posted January 14, 2018 Share Posted January 14, 2018 19 minutes ago, MrDane said: Yes, I do see the difficulties in that! Personally I fear my acer is slowly drifting towards repulsion or at least ‘to much stress involved to be able to appreciate the good stuff’. I can see how she slows down on other things, like hugging, kissing... in the end, we can live with a lot as long as we have love. I just hop to keep both love with my wife and best of all some degree of mutually enjoyable times with massages. I think that's the ultimate thing, loving someone through all of the differences. I hope you can as well! I'd say it's a huge step for you believing her and asking questions. It's great to see that you care that much about her. 😅 Hopefully I didn't read the situation wrong. I hope things work out! 😊 1 Link to post Share on other sites
RoBoZaKi Posted April 13, 2018 Share Posted April 13, 2018 I am also confused about asexuality and sex drive. I have an unusual high libido because of my unbalanced hormones. I don't look for someone to help relieve me, I just masturbate by myself. And I don't think of anyone when I masturbate but I do look at porn but I don't place myself in the scenario. Am I still considered asexual? Or am I just a certain type? Link to post Share on other sites
everywhere and nowhere Posted April 13, 2018 Share Posted April 13, 2018 On 14.01.2018 at 1:20 PM, MrDane said: Pardon my french and tmi and all that warning-stuff. So it is like a massage to yourself, but with sexy out of the equation. “I rub this part of my body, until I get that nice rush of chemicals which will put my stress/anxiety back to low” if I may ask...? If you had a close partner. Would it change something if he/she did the ‘rubbing’? It would change a lot because I experience intense discomfort at the thought of being naked in someone else's presence. Even if someone rubbed me throught my panties and bra it would feel like intrusion on my intimacy. No. This is stuff I just can't do with anyone else. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Nofacesai Posted October 8, 2019 Share Posted October 8, 2019 On 11/16/2017 at 5:03 PM, Sleepy Skeleton said: [Obvious TMI warning] Having a libido or getting aroused by the idea of sex doesn't always translate to wanting to have sex with another person. As others have said, for a lot of asexuals the libido/sex drive/whatever is seen as more of a problem to be dealt with rather than something that is important in their life. For me, I fantasize a lot, read/look at porn, and do other things that would be normal for sexual people. But I'm perfectly content with masturbating. Sharing the sexual part of my life with another person just isn't something I'm interested in. So I guess in that sense my "sex drive" is driving me towards myself. I feel like this is one of the best analogies I've seen on asexuals with a libido. Asexuality, I believe isnt just a lack of sexual attraction but also the lack of a desire to engage in sexual acts with another person. People who do things to satisfy their libido e.g masturbate but are uninterested in doing those things with other people are still most likely asexuals. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Janus the Fox Posted March 19, 2020 Share Posted March 19, 2020 Thread Locked due to Necromancy. Feel free to make a new thread on the same Topic Janus DarkFox, Questions about Asexuality & Open Mic Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
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