Accidentally told Mom

[Semiterrestrial Scientist]

I kinda just accidentally came out to my mom. I now know how all the other aces feel when they’re told things like “You’re too young” and “You’ve never had it so you don’t even know if you like it.” So, yeah. She basically told me she didn’t want me to limit myself and that I was too young to know and I since I am a very focused child, that I probably just don’t notice everything else. Cause apparently, since I’m very academically focused, I probably just don’t know yet and my hormones just haven’t kicked in. 

[Lichley]

http://www.asexualityarchive.com/a-parents-guide-to-asexuality/

Go back with evidence and fight some more. My mum does the same thing, keep fighting and don't give in. You've got this!  

[Member4445]

It’ll be fine in the end  

 

Also, I clicked this because I read it as ‘Accidentally Sold Mom’ and thought it sounded like a good story  

[patronusmagic]

That sounds just like what my mom told me, Im still not sure she beleves me but, at least she pretends to now (baby steps)  It sucks, I hope that it will work out for you. 

[Tintinfan]

Just stay with it. If she isn't outwardly opposed, count it as a win.

 

[Member4445]

Oh! 

 

I was going to say. My homophobic mum said exactly the same thing to me when I was 21. 5 years later and we’ve reached the point where she wants to attend the local pride and asked me advice on what she should/shouldn’t do. And she’s liking all my asexuality related posts on Facebook. The other day she asked me about non-binary genders. 

 

My mother has come a very long way and I’m so proud to have guided her in that  

[200 Ponies]

Hi Syrthia! First of all, I'm really sorry your mom reacted that way. That's no fun to hear at all. When I came out at 16, my mom also told me it was "just a phase" and that she thought I shouldn't limit myself. I told her that I was certain it wasn't a phase, and she didn't believe me.

 

Fast forward 5 years, and I'm 21 at university. My mom, for whatever reason, has begun to accept that it's not just a phase and this is who I am. She sometimes makes funny jokes about my asexuality and is no longer uncomfortable with the topic. Those are BIG steps for her, since she was raised in a devout Catholic family.

 

What I'm trying to say is, it's very likely that your mom will get better about this. I wouldn't back down when she tells you it's made up or a phase, and eventually she should come around. Parents just need lots of time to process this sort of thing, usually. Unfortunately, that doesn't make it much easier for you right now.

 

I hope that all goes well for you. Good luck! 

[usernotfound]

Hi Syrthia , I am sorry your mom reacted like this. I came out to my dad and I would say accidentally because I was anxious, he reacted the same way and I just decided to forget about it until I become an adult and show that I am really an Ace, tbh I don’t think my dad even believes that Aces exist.

 

 I haven’t came out to my mum and I don’t Think I will because she will react in a worse way and probably think that I am an Ace because of the internet or something like that.

 

I hope it works out for you and if anything goes wrong you need to be strong and confident, it’s nice meeting you, have a good day/night 

[Lichley]

1 hour ago, Ciri said:

Oh! 

 

I was going to say. My homophobic mum said exactly the same thing to me when I was 21. 5 years later and we’ve reached the point where she wants to attend the local pride and asked me advice on what she should/shouldn’t do. And she’s liking all my asexuality related posts on Facebook. The other day she asked me about non-binary genders. 

 

My mother has come a very long way and I’m so proud to have guided her in that  

Whoa that's amazing! Good job! 🎉

[Semiterrestrial Scientist]

Thanks everyone. Man, I love this website. Everyone here is so nice and supportive.

[Hermit Advocate]

12 hours ago, Syrthia said:

I kinda just accidentally came out to my mom. I now know how all the other aces feel when they’re told things like “You’re too young” and “You’ve never had it so you don’t even know if you like it.” So, yeah. She basically told me she didn’t want me to limit myself and that I was too young to know and I since I am a very focused child, that I probably just don’t notice everything else. Cause apparently, since I’m very academically focused, I probably just don’t know yet and my hormones just haven’t kicked in. 

If your mom brings up the "you're too young to know if you're ace" thing again, ask her if she would ask you that if you were heterosexual. 

[Rwkropf]

40 minutes ago, Hermit Advocate said:

If your mom brings up the "you're too young to know if you're ace" thing again, ask her if she would ask you that if you were heterosexual. 

From what I've observed, this is not the best argument to make. If someone is straight, they know for certain due to feeling the attraction. As for the whole "being too young", there is the argument that there is the odd person who is a late bloomer. I personally find a better argument would be to disprove that you are too young by showing that other signs of maturity (physically) have come to pass.

[Hermit Advocate]

5 minutes ago, Rwkropf said:

If someone is straight, they know for certain due to feeling the attraction.

So it is impossible for anyone who isn't straight to know what they're attracted to? 

[Rwkropf]

Just now, Hermit Advocate said:

So it is impossible for anyone who isn't straight to know what they're attracted to? 

Incorrect. During puberty, there is a change that makes it obvious who they are attracted to, this change does not happen to aces. You cannot prove that you don't feel attraction by pointing to someone who does when the age for gaining this attraction isn't a constant. You are trying to prove something does not exist by pointing to something that does exist. What I am saying, is that it is more reliable to show that the other constants that are present during this change have already happened, yet the attraction is not there.

[Hermit Advocate]

@Rwkropf People who are in their 20's still get told that they are "too young to know." My point isn't about at what age people figure out their sexual orientation, it is about how society regards that orientation. 

[Rwkropf]

5 minutes ago, Hermit Advocate said:

@Rwkropf People who are in their 20's still get told that they are "too young to know." 

I see you edited your post. No worries.

 

To address the point you made from before you edited the post. I myself am in my 20's and still get told this. Please understand that the argument of being too young to know stems from the idea that someone could be a late bloomer. by saying that someone is "too young" means that they have yet to mature to the point of gaining the attraction. I know that it sounds odd that this would be believed for someone in their 20's, but I don't think that many people understand how this works.

 

Getting back to my disregarded statement, if you can prove that you have already matured past the point that someone would naturally gain the attraction, you are able to bypass the idea that you are "too young". Granted, once you get past this point, there may be other issues to overcome regardless on how you prove that you are not too young.

[Hermit Advocate]

5 minutes ago, Rwkropf said:

by saying that someone is "too young" means that they have yet to mature to the point of gaining the attraction. I know that it sounds odd that this would be believed for someone in their 20's, but I don't think that many people understand how this works.

I don't think people understand how this works either. My issue is when people are fine with a heterosexual being comfortable in their sexuality at (lets use the example of 15), but then criticizing another 15 year old as who is not heterosexual as being "too young to know". A lot of people are not thinking about puberty or mental maturity when they say someone is too young; they are saying that I hope you grow out of this so you fit into my idea of what you should be. Even if people are late bloomers, that still doesn't give them the right to dismiss what that person is feeling at the time.

 

It seems that a lot of people think that if someone is par the late bloomer stage then there is something wrong with them medically (or at least that seems to be the next most common response). I just with people could be more accepting when people come out to them as asexual, even if they end up being a late bloomer.

[Kersenne]

My mum told me the same thing, she added I should try harder, that I was too young to know and that if she had known about asexualty when she was my age, she would probably have thought the same as me.... Bref, that was the equivalent of a slap in the face! I never spoke to her about it again (and that was more than a year ago), as she also said that my sexuality was none of her business (at that time, I was very shy about asexuality and just coming to learn about it and trying to accept it. Needless to say, it took me another year to finally admit and accept I was asexual!). 

 

I can't give any advice about it as I'm in pretty mcuh the same situation as you are, but the others gave sound advice - I think I'll follow them  Good luck, and I hope your mother will be more accepting with time and sound arguments!! 

[doggalogga]

Just remember that this is never a Mum vs Child thing. There is such a lack of knowledge of asexuality, that people are dismissive of it

If you came out as gay, would she challenge you?

 

Don't necessarily worry about what others think though. NObody is more qualified to say what you are than you

 

It may change. It may not. Regardless, nobody - absolutely nobody can tell you what you are or aren't. That's what self-discovery is all about