Gold Star Aces?

[AussieIsAce]

We have all heard of gold star gays (well if not its a gay person who never shagged the opposite sex) so i was wondering if it was a fair call to say im a gold star ace? 

 

i dont wanna start a discussion about how its segregating people. just thought its a good laugh to say im a gold star. 

 

thoughts on introducing this word more into the ace experience

 

[Philip027]

So what, a virgin?

 

I guess you could phrase it that way, if "gold star gay" really is common enough lexicon for people to recognize it and not just think you're using it to sound conceited.  Personally, I'd never heard of the term, though >_>

[TheAP]

Personally, I'm not a fan of the term, for either gay people or aces. It just makes it seem like a competition.

[A shard of glass]

Competition and sex should never really go together... unless you're trying to finish before your parents come home :/

[Guest]

I think it's harmful, it places more value on people who haven't done those things ever, encouraging more guilt for people who have or supression, it's a bad idea in many ways.

[Grumpy Alien]

I’ve never heard this term. What is it?

[fuzzipueo]

52 minutes ago, Graceful said:

I’ve never heard this term. What is it?

 

Quote

 

https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/gold_star_gay

English

Etymology

gold star +‎ gay, from gold star awards for being outstanding.

Noun

gold star gay (plural gold star gays)

1. (slang) a gay man who has never had sex with a woman

Coordinate terms

• gold star lesbian

 

 

It's a pretty snide way of differentiating people from each other. I guess a "gold star ace" would be someone who's never had sex or something along those lines.

[Grumpy Alien]

I see

[Lichley]

1 hour ago, Baggage_warrior said:

Competition and sex should never really go together... unless you're trying to finish before your parents come home :/

Pffffft, that made me laugh OMG! 😂

[Shadowstepper]

I'm opposed to the "gold star" concept as a whole.

 

Imagine we are talking about drugs instead. I've never done drugs and have no intent to ever do drugs. My friend has done drugs and found out really quick that it is bad news. Neither of us do drugs, but the fact that I never tried them doesn't somehow make me better than him. I'm not more of a not-drug-user than him.

 

Sexuality (or asexuality) should be viewed the same. You tried it and found it wasn't for you? Cool. That in no way makes you less than anyone else.

[Lord Jade Cross]

.

[EggplantWitch]

You can say you're a virgin if that's what you mean, but the 'gold star' bit makes it sound way, way too much like you think it makes you more ace than those who aren't, or a better ace, or a better person. It's horrible. It's a toxic concept amongst gay people and it's a toxic concept amongst aces too (and almost certainly a double whammy for those who identify as both).

[Skycaptain]

This is not a moderator comment, this is my opinion. 

 

Saying that you qualify as an orientation more than someone else could be perceived as very elitist, and unfair on others who tried other relationships before settling on their chosen identity. 

[borkfork]

It's a stupid, antiquated idea that needs to go away. Elitism and old-fashioned ideas about "purity."  I'll tell anyone who asks where to shove their gold star.

[Welsh Ace]

I don't like the idea myself. It seems to suggest that someone if not "fully asexual" if they had sex or someone is not "fully gay" is they have sex with a member of the opposite sex. It comes across to me as being critical of someone's past actions or decisions about how they live their lives and as frankly a bit superior. Life is not a competition.

[Scott1989]

Well, as a gold star ace, I demand that we introduce gold stars to be put onto AVEN profiles so we can boast about being gold star aces

Seriously, I'm with the above opinions too on the subject that it doesn't sound like a great idea and lead to elitism.

[Hermit Advocate]

The term "gold star" always makes me think of those participation prizes you get in elementary school. It's like, "here, you didn't really do anything to deserve this but we don't want to listen to you complain if you didn't win." There's just no point to it. The elitism that this implies will only serve to create conflict. 

[everywhere and nowhere]

I don't like it because it is so sompetitive and divisive.

Compare it to the idea of "the unassailable asexual". I think that this phrase is nevertheless almost always used in a very critical way, not as something that ace people would seriously apply to themselves, but as a bad example of strategies used to invalidate asexuality. But I've read an old (now closed) topic where people were checking for fun how "assailable" they are. From the first point of view I'm a gold star ace because I've never had sex. From the second point of view I'm extremely assailable because I suffer from a chronic disease, I'm neither heteroromantic nor aromantic (--> same-sex attraction as repressed homosexuality), I'm not sex-indifferent (--> the common belief that only sex-indifferent people are "truly asexual" and that those with a level of an active aversion Have A Problem instead), I have a libido, I'm really unattractive... So the best choice is to screw competitions and say that self-identification is always valid. No matter whether one has "tried" (and could be attacked: but you've had sex!) or not (and could be attacked: but how can you know?!), no matter whether there is something that could "explain" a person's asexuality, everyone has a right to identify as ace if they feel that it describes them well.

[Baam]

Yes, it can be seen badly as numerous people have said above. But I think it could also be used in jest in response to idiots who believe that being a virgin is somehow bad.

 

'I'm not a virgin, I'm a gold star ace!!!'

 

I mean, yea, it could be used for segregation purposes.. But if anyone really believes that you're somehow 'less of an asexual' for not being a virgin... Are they worth talking to? And why does it even matter? I guess it's a bit weird for me to be commenting on this since I don't really identify as ace anymore, but oh well...

[Janus the Fox]

Yes I've heard the term used in asexual elite spaces, the type there's very closed off from the real world and narcissistic toward themselves. 

 

There's perhaps Facebook groups, but was once an issue on AVEN years ago for which there's a TOS rule left standing.  I don't exactly know how or why such spaces to get into require some form of proof that you've done literally nothing sexual, romantic etc.

 

Some of these spaces are often with negative attitudes or have extreme defeatist anti-sexual views, the type that have an inverse sex on the brain.

[drjohnhwatson]

You said you don't want to start conversations about how it segregates people, but then you wanted thoughts as to introducing it more into the ace experience.  Er...you can't really have one without the other, I'm afraid.

 

I actually only just came to understand the meaning behind gold star _____ when a lesbian that I talk with brought it up in response to me being appalled about an asexual.  She said he was acting like a gold star, and that it's big in the lesbian community, apparently, so I looked it up and realised what it meant.  The asexual man in question didn't want to date anyone who has ever done anything sexual--whether they'd done so by choice or had been forced to do so.  That repulsed me, that you could decide someone is unworthy of your love because they've engaged in sex, even if they had not wanted to do so!  Holy hell!

 

I don't think it's a good idea, honestly.  I mean, you're free to do as you like and refer to yourself as such, but I think it's very other-ing.  Some people aren't gold star aces and it's not by their choice.  Some people were raped or otherwise coerced.  And, as others have said, it just draws a line in the sand, really, which is something we don't need when the LGTBQIA+ community can already be very ferocious and wolfish with one another and outsiders.

[daveb]

Makes me think of this: