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New and confused

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Hello. Thank you for making this community available to people.
I’m a man in my mid-30s who has always identified as heterosexual. I’m not sure if I’m Asexual. And I’m trying to figure it out.
I’ve only had 2 girlfriends (3 sexual partners - one awkward other attempt) in my life and the 2nd one I started dating at 20 and am married to now.
We’ve had a struggle our entire marriage where she is much more interested in having sex than I am, and I never really think about it and the idea always has filled me with anxiety. At this point it is really hurting my marriage and my wife. She’s developed bad body image issues and I’m scared it’s my fault.
We do communicate very well though, I just don’t understand myself enough to know how to communicate this because we’ve been together so long. And in discussion she mentioned the concept of Asexuality to me. I watched the movie from 2011 and have read a bit about it. But, I’m still not sure if that’s me. Or maybe there is something else going on here.
I thought I’d make a list to help explore things and maybe you all could help me. This is a super scary thing to post on the internet for me. But, I’m not sure where else to go.
Things I enjoy
Looking at women
Being touched softly (back, arms, tummy)
Gently touching someone
Moment right before you ejaculate
Touching or kissing breasts
Receiving bj or hj
Holding hands
Staying up late talking
Things I don’t think about
“Fucking” a woman
Having sex with someone I.e. penetration
Going down
Things that repulse me
Butt stuff
Being sexual with another man
Aggressive touching (firm or hitting)
Most kinks I’ve heard of
Things that scare me
Making “a move” to be more physically intimate
Idea of “Performing” sex

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Hello there, and welcome to AVEN! :cake:

As part of my welcome to you, I'd like to point out some important threads that might be helpful in your first few days here. :) The Terms of Service is here. We recommend you read it over, and if you have any questions please don't hesitate to send either myself or any other administrator or moderator (the "admod" team, as we're called) a message.  Also, there's a handy forum called Site Info, which has some useful information including a thread outlining who moderates which forum. If you ever need something done in or have questions about a specific forum, please message the mod of that forum. And if you have problems with the site in general, or any single member, please message any admod. 

The following are also nifty links to take a look at:  Welcome Lounge Mini Manual | Welcoming 101 | Quick Guide to the Forums | Asexuality FAQ's

 Again, welcome to AVEN and I hope your stay is everything you hoped!

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Welcome? Asexuality is a lack of sexual attraction, so have you ever felt attracted to someone in a way that made you desire sex with them? Remember sexual attraction is Not to be confused with other types of attraction.

Sketchcomic - types of Attraction


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Thanks for that info. It helps a bit. I’m pretty certain I’ve experienced everything except sexual attraction. When they say “desire sexual contact” what do they mean by that? The act of sex itself? Or are other things included?

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