• Announcements

    • Kelly

      AVENues Holiday Special Edition is now live   08/17/17

      The new edition of AVENues is done!   See:        
    • Lady Girl

      Ace Community Census   11/06/17

      It’s time for the 2017 Ace Community Census!   see:   http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/162675-announcing-the-2017-ace-community-census/  
    • Heart

      Help fund AVEN's servers!   11/06/17

      AVEN is doing its annual fundraiser to raise donations for server costs! See http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/163251-aven-server-fundraiser/ for more details.  

High school and being naive

Recommended Posts


Hi there, this will probably just turn into a rant...


so i identify as maybe ace but probably grey or demi. So I haven’t had a lot of experience in... social situations, I guess. In the past few months in high school I’ve become more friends with guys for no particular reason. Then I came to realize maybe some of my friends thought we were more than friends, or that I was “leading them on” because I was too blind to know what flirting looks like. (This realization happened after a friend asked me out and I felt terrible)

Ever since I’ve realized that, it’s like I’ve become scared to be friends with guys. I don’t read social cues well, and I don’t want to make someone think there’s something there that just isn’t. So now when a guy-friend asks me to hang out I freak out with anxiety that they think it’s a date... and the worst part is, I don’t know if I want it to be or not. I’m heteroromantic but I have a really hard time figuring out my feelings. 


So yeah, there’s my rant of the day. It’s kinda something I’ve been struggling with for a few weeks.

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

You have my sympathies. I made a friend with a guy in high school, and that's all I wanted, but his feelings went romantic. When he expressed his plans for marriage after high school (we were just 15 at the time) I felt uncomfortable and really not happy. After that, I was wary of becoming friends with the boys at school, because I was not interested in relationships. 


Best bet is to be honest with your friends. Tell them you'd like to hang out, but only as friends and that you're not ready to date or be in a relationship. Concentrating on school is always a good excuse for not dating.

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

I had a mirrored version (since I’m a guy) of that problem in college, although I didn’t realize it until later when one of my guy friends mentioned it, cause I helped people a lot in classes I was especially good at. I’m normally a rather detached person, so I got the feeling that my odd innocent acts of kindness were mistook as interest by a few classmates. Of course, nothing ever came of it cause I’m denser than a lead ball, but in hindsight, I’m may have come off as flirty without even intending to at all.


However, not everyone jumps to conclusions. It’s fine to hang out with people; if you don’t consider an outing to be a date, then it’s not a date. If someone presumes too much, then you just clarify your actions were meant to be friendly, not flirtatious. Since you’re not sure of your feelings, give it some time and hang out with people casually. No need to force it. 🙂

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now