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Jeff1776

I'm worried I'm aromantic, but don't want to be

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Jeff1776

I'm a 14 y/o guy If that changes anything,  and I have a history back to about 4 of over thinking every thing and convincing my self things. The most recent one was, I convinced myself I was gay even though I like girls (sexually not sure about romantically or not more on that later) and not guys. Before that it was cancer, I knew I was going to die even though I had no symptoms, before that the end of the world, etc etc. So now my most recent fear feels deferant, it feels real. It's the fear that im aromantic, but I really don't want to be, because I can sort of imagine a mental connection in a way I can't imagine having for anyone but I girl who's not family. The closest thing to a "crush" I've had were 2 times, once at a public pool I met this girl who seemed really nice, and she was super attractive. I wanted to get to know her, I wanted to impress her, and it felt simmaler but not the same as a usual physical attraction. And that's why I don't know if I liked her or not, i don't know if I was mentally attracted to her or if it was just physical. I met her 4 times and after each time I'd go home and get super sad I wasn't around her, but after awhile i didn't want to see her again because I didn't have a chance and feeling that for nothing was pointless, so I stopped going. I never even learned her name and we probably only said like 100 words to each other. The other is a girl I've never met but text all the time, and for awhile I liked her, i think but its kind if the same story, not sure if it was mental or physical. I thought I should mention, also, that I am homeschooled, so I havnt really met many girls. Just the two I mentioned so could that mean that even if I did just like those 2 physically, its because i havnt ever dated or kissed or anything anyone? Every once in awhile I'll see a girl in public and have a feeling simmaler to the above 2 which is what makes me thing it was strictly physical, because I'm pretty sure you can't have a mental attraction to someone you havnt met or talked to or anything. It worries me so much because if I can't like a girl then I can't find someone to be connected with and live my life with, and I don't want to live my life without somome like that. Sorry for the mess that is this question, I'm very confused if you can't tell. Thanks to anyone who read this big wall of words!

Edited by Jeff1776

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Lichley

Welcome! Let's start with this. There's nothing wrong with being aromantic. It doesn't mean your sick or broken, it just means you don't want to date anyone. Simple as. It's just not that important to you. You're not going to die alone or never find the one, because you can find the one, platonically. Sites like this connect like-minded people to each other so that they can find the platonic and/or non-sexual "One". 

Having said all of that, the fact that you are home schooled and 14 does complicate things. You haven't had the chance to experience large groups of people your age, or maybe even had the time to sexually mature. Howeveraromanticism is more likely to be noticeable from a young age than asexuality, so it doesn't matter as much. Whilst you haven't met a lot of people, you still know how you feel, and if you honestly cannot imagine yourself happily in a romantic situation with someone then you shouldn't force yourself to believe that you need one. In the end it's down to how you feel, and whether or not you experience romantic attraction, so unfortunately I couldn't give you the answer, but I can suggest that you look into aromanticism as an option for what you're experiencing. 

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Homer

There's absolutely nothing unusual about not having had these feelings at 14, even if you hadn't been homeschooled. You're pretty much "mid-bloom", so all you can do is wait and see what happens. Of course there's a chance that you might indeed be aromantic, but at this point I'd say that it is very slim. Things could look very different in a couple of months. Just try not to get yourself all worked up on "labels", live your life and do your thing. Whatever is going to happen is going to happen - and just as @Lichley said: It's also fine if nothing happens at all.

 

Best of luck :cake:

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fuzzipueo

Welcome Jeff1776! :cake:

 

I probably can't top what Lichley has said other than to add that being aromantic is not horrible nor the end of the world. I was fifteen when I realized I had no interest in romance or romantic interactions with another person. The idea made me go "nope" the first time it came up with a guy I thought I was friends with, when his interest in me took a romantic turn and it left me really uncomfortable and a bit bewildered. After that, I took care not to become friends with any of the boys I went to school with.

 

Some of what you describe sounds an awful lot like a squish, which is a platonic form of a crush. You also have a similar reaction to me, since most of my squishes seemed to be fueled by proximity to whomever the target is. The more time spent with that person, the more I feel interested, but as soon as that person is no longer in my sights, the squish kinda dries up and blows away.

 

Hang in there and give yourself time to experience life. Try to find an activity or hobby where you can spend more time with people who might interest you. You never know what or who you might find. :)

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Jeff1776
4 hours ago, fuzzipueo said:

Welcome Jeff1776! :cake:

 

I probably can't top what Lichley has said other than to add that being aromantic is not horrible nor the end of the world. I was fifteen when I realized I had no interest in romance or romantic interactions with another person. The idea made me go "nope" the first time it came up with a guy I thought I was friends with, when his interest in me took a romantic turn and it left me really uncomfortable and a bit bewildered. After that, I took care not to become friends with any of the boys I went to school with.

 

Some of what you describe sounds an awful lot like a squish, which is a platonic form of a crush. You also have a similar reaction to me, since most of my squishes seemed to be fueled by proximity to whomever the target is. The more time spent with that person, the more I feel interested, but as soon as that person is no longer in my sights, the squish kinda dries up and blows away.

 

Hang in there and give yourself time to experience life. Try to find an activity or hobby where you can spend more time with people who might interest you. You never know what or who you might find. :)

Thanks to everyone who replyed. I forgot to say also that the reason it worries me so much is because I have an interest in dateing and such, but it's like i can't actually feel it, and also I have ocd so hopefully it's just another obsession. but thank you for your time!

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