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pow_wow

Confused about my gender

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pow_wow

Hey everyone! I'm just a little confused about what the actual heck I am and I thought someone from here could help me.

I'm 15 and I'm pretty sure I'm gender fluid but the problem is that I never had those "warning signs" when I was little, never had any dysmorphia until about two years ago, never thought I was in the wrong body etc. which makes me wonder if this is all real. It doesn't help that my mum, one of the two people in my everyday life who I've come out to, doesn't seem to believe me. She's not transphobic or anything, she just thinks that all trans people knew since they were kids and that "everything is fluid when you're a teenager". I was a tomboy as a kid; I had short hair and climbed trees and liked volcanoes and dinosaurs but I also would wear dresses. When I hit puberty and grew boobs I was fine. It was only around two years ago when I started not feeling comfortable with my own body. I did my research and I'm either gender fluid or fluid flux but I'm still scared that this is all "just a phase". Could someone please help me out?

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Mezzo Forte

You're far more aware of this stuff than I was at 15. I didn't even start questioning until I was 18, and didn't figure it out until I was 22.

 

"Warning signs" only mean so much, as they can only really look like warning signs in retrospect. Some aspects of the past may end up making more sense through a trans lens, but what's most important is how you feel at the present moment. When my parents assisted me with the coming out process, several people assumed that my twin sister was the one transitioning, not me. Doesn't make her less cis, and it doesn't make me less trans.

 

If you're scared of all this being a phase, then keep a log of your thoughts over time. See what shifts. Build up data and points for introspection. Gender fluidity is a tricky identity to pin down, especially as there are natural "phases" of gender identities within gender fluidity. Still, if your gut says that you're gender fluid, then you can always privately identify until you are more confident in your gender identity. There's nothing to say that you can't play with presentation in the meanwhile either.

 

I wish you the best of luck with everything, and I hope you find the answers that you're looking for!

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The Unknown Warrior

Not all of us experience distress about our gender until puberty and I think that's because we're mostly gender neutral until then when we start to develop our secondary sexual characteristics. From that age we start to see who we are far more and all try to find out where we "belong" or "fit in".

 

Be clear to yourself about why you feel uncomfortable with your body and explore the complexity that is the mind. For myself, seeing a psychotherapist helped me finally unravel everything about myself, coming to the conclusion that I'm gender fluid.

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pow_wow

Thanks for the replies you two, it really helps to know I've got some ally's out there even if only anonymous users

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Tintenfeder

You are not alone in this situation. I'm still questioning at the moment and learning about different identities, which helps me a lot and is really interesting. I've never any "signs" as a child either, as far as I know, nor do I have a lot of dysphoria. (It's more of a general discomfort with parts of my body, rather than hating it.) That doesn't invalidate you in any way.

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Angelnoir
On 13.11.2017 at 7:33 PM, pow_wow said:

 I was a tomboy as a kid; I had short hair and climbed trees and liked volcanoes and dinosaurs but I also would wear dresses. When I hit puberty and grew boobs I was fine. It was only around two years ago when I started not feeling comfortable with my own body. I did my research and I'm either gender fluid or fluid flux but I'm still scared that this is all "just a phase". Could someone please help me out?

Well, why would being a tomboy but also liking dresses make you gender fluid or fluid flux? You can be a girl and still be a tomboy, like dresses, have short hair. Maybe you don't identify with certain (femenine) stereotypes, but that's just what you like or don't like.

You say, yo don't feel comfortable with your body. Why is that? E.g. is it because of the reactions you get from others because of your body? Is it because of the way people with such bodies are depicted? Is it because of the way people with such bodies are supposed to behave? 

Think about those type of questions. 

Even thinking about all those questions, you could still be a girl, even with dysmorphia. Dysmorphia unfortunately, is a part of adolescence for many girls. 

So, I'm not saying don't identify with a label, I'm just saying think about all the possibilities and sometimes time will tell. Go with the flow. 

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