Should i just do the do to get it over with?

[Quenn of Eastern France]

 I'm waaaay too young to be thinking about this stuff but I was just wondering if there's any bad aspects of being a forever virgin? I'm completely repulsed to sex and romance but will anything bad happen if ill grow up never having sex?  I don't know what could possibly happen if I don't do it but it seems important? Will I have health problems or something if I never have sex? Will my doctor treat me differently? It seems like just a normal part of going trough puberty and I'm scared that ill have to do it one time or another. Would it be easier to just do it ounce and be normal?

[LadyLor]

Don't do anything that you are uncomfortable with just to be "normal". I don't know of any research or medical information that says that negative effects could occur without having sex. There is a chance that your doctor could treat you differently and suggest sex for mental health reasons.

Personally, I don't think that sex is truly necessary in my life and have gone through puberty without having it. The main thing is just for you too be comfortable with your body and your choices.

[Planet Ace]

I don't know, which is worse? Being a virgin forever, or forcing yourself to have sex you're don't particularly want and aren't ready for in an effort to be "normal?" As far as I know there are no health risks associated with never having sex, so that shouldn't be an issue. Just take it easy, don't worry about it. You'll be alright, either way! Whatever you decide to do, make sure it's what you want, that you aren't doing it just because others told you you should, be they friends, or family, or society, or even doctors! Your body, your choice. Other people don't get a vote. They can advise, certainly, but the final decision is still your and yours alone. 

[Salted Karamel]

There are no negative health effects to never having sex. (And if there are, they're outweighed by the significant health risks involved in having sex anyway.) If you don't want to have sex, don't have sex. If you want to try it someday, try it (safely, legally, etc.). It really doesn't matter, so just do whatever you want to do with your own body.

[roland.o]

I'd say there is no health risk from never having partnered sex. The biological needs that your body may develop can be taken care of in DIY fashion.

 

To many people, touches - like caresses, or massages, or sex - can be beneficial because they release certain biological substances into the brain and/or blood stream. But that's not the case for everybody, and not everybody reacts the same way to the same kind of touch. Therefore, if you don't feel like it, then don't do it. If you're curious about something, if you feel like trying it, then try it. But don't force yourself to do something you're not comfortable with.

[Mermaidy]

I wouldn't consider having sex just once to make oneself normal.  Normal would be having sex regularly over one's life because that's the norm hence the word normal

[Quenn of Eastern France]

Thank you so much! I just wanted to make sure since I realized doctors ask about that kind of stuff. I thought maybe if I had it once I wouldn't need to try to justify it to people. Thanks a lot for answering!

[everywhere and nowhere]

On 13.11.2017 at 4:48 AM, Planet Ace said:

Being a virgin forever, or forcing yourself to have sex you're don't particularly want and aren't ready for in an effort to be "normal?"

The former is way better (and there's not even anything wrong with never ever having sex). Simply because unwanted sex is one of the most traumatic things that can happen to a person.

For a sex-repulsed person, forcing oneself to sex equals raping oneself.

On 13.11.2017 at 5:17 AM, Salted Karamel said:

There are no negative health effects to never having sex. (And if there are, they're outweighed by the significant health risks involved in having sex anyway.)

There are more health risks to sex that just STIs, unwanted pregnancy, sores from rough sex etc. While some distress is unavoidable in life, too much of it is very unhealthy - and unwanted sex is an extremely distressing thing.

 

And more generally: see? This is why I just can't be sex-positive. Here we can see in all its brutal glare the harm done by all the sex hype in culture. If even sex-repulsed people don't trust their own feelings anymore and think about forcing themselves to do things which are necessarily violating for them, such a culture only deserves being razed to the ground.

And this is why I believe that, in a way, the asexual movement should "transcend itself": what we need even more than asexual visibility is sociocultural normalization of low sexual desire and not having sex. This is way more important than whether or not one should label oneself as asexual. We simply need a culture in which sexual needs are accepted, but having sex is not treated as obvious and right for everyone. We need a culture in which people don't even have to think about reasons not to have sex because "I don't want to" (right now, or temporarily, or always, or whatever) is always enough. People shouldn't have to think of "good enough" reasons to avoid sex they don't feel comfortable with. While I have never had sex, it's clear to me that this kind of pressure exists and is particularly distressing for young aces: some blog authors really felt like sex was something inevitable, something they could only postpone, but not avoid completely. We should reverse the expectations: every sex act is a reason. "I want it!" is good enough. "I don't find it particularly exciting, but I don't mind doing it for my partner's pleasure" is good enough too. But "Because everyone else is doing it" is never good enough. Such "reasons" are only proof for sociocultural sexual violence at work.

[Kersenne]

Don't worry there's ABSOLUTELY nothing wrong in being a virgin, even for the rest of your life. You won't get any illness from it (and you highly reduce the risks of catching an STD), and your doctor will not find anything wrong with you for being a virgin. Plus, it's part of your private life and you don't have to talk about it to your doctor if you don't feel comfortable about it. 

 

If you don't want to have sex, don't do it to feel "normal". Being asexual is normal, there's nothing wrong with that. Not wanting to have sex is normal, not wanting to be in a physical relationship is normal, etc. It is also normal to want these kinds of things, don't mistake my meaning  What is NOT normal is to force yourself, or be forced by others, to do things you don't want to do.