Does This Count As a Crush??

[AlexV]

One of the girls in my class has always seemed incredible to me for some reason ever since the first day of school, and I was totally squishing on her since our first class together. However, I know what most squishes are like (for me anyways): they normally only affect me in the awkward beginning of the friendship until I either:

1. actually make friends with them (so the squish goes away and we become close friends, but this has only happened once since I found out about squishes) or

2. something prevents us from being friends so I just admire them when they're around, get a little nervous/enjoy talking to them, and eventually begin to see their flaws/irritating habits which weaken the squish over time

In this case, though, those things did NOT happen. As time went by, the squish just grew stronger and STRONGER and STRONGER until I started doing things like:

1. watching out for her and identifying her location everywhere I went at school

2. accidentally staring at her since I feel too awkward to go up to her while totally zoning out of conversation with my friends

3. thinking about her ALL THE TIME

4. becoming oddly elated after one-on-one conversations/spending a lot of time with her

5. becoming unreasonably and entirely depressed for the rest of the day after sensing a minor lack of interest from her

Suffice it to say, THIS IS NOT NORMAL FOR ME and I'm freaking out a little. The only thing keeping me from calling this a crush with 100% certainty is the fact that I don't know if I would like to date her. First, I'm a girl myself, and dating other girls in general has always seemed like something I couldn't fully understand for some reason (like how would I distinguish platonic from romantic since all my friends are girls?), but actually dating a girl would probably help me figure it out. In addition, she's delightfully awkward in some more emotional situations so I feel like us dating would be generally really awkward and would keep her from talking freely and loudly like she normally does with me (which is adorable). But I absolutely LOVE cuddling with her, it's a dopamine rush like you wouldn't believe and it makes my day. I don't feel a need to kiss her right now (i'm not 100% on that though), and I DO NOT want to sleep with her. Also, I get jealous of other people pretty easily when she spends a lot of time with them and I really want to be someone she always goes to for support/love and is obviously committed to. Weirdly, I feel like her dating some guy wouldn't piss me off unless she talked about him obsessively or, worse, they PDAed in front of me (in which case I feel like I would be kinda PISSED and sad).

 

So, does it not count as a crush since I don't really crave a typical "relationship" with her (which just makes it a really intense squish)?

Or does the sheer intensity of the attraction with no end in sight move it into crush territory?

[LeDeer]

Yup, it really sounds like a crush.

[roland.o]

I agree with the foreposters, sounds like a crush.

 

http://life-of-an-asexual.tumblr.com/post/102762643654/desires-for-relations-based-on-types-of-attraction

[carbomb]

I'd call that a crush, as that's about what I feel in regards to my girlfriend. But we're different people, so what you consider a crush could be entirely different from what I do.

[sunmarsh]

What you're describing sounds a lot like romantic attraction as I experience it. Take that as you will. 

[OpenAce]

Sorry, just going to ask my own question off the back of this one:

So feel a similar thing for one of my friends, but I don't want to date them. Is this not wanting to date them because it's just a really strong squish (I identify as aro) or because I'm romance repulsed (which I know I am)?