am I gray-ace or just "not feeling it"?

[julelapiole]

I've had a lot of periods in my life where I just don't have a need for anything sexual. During those times sex doesn't repulse me, but I'd just not have it. I've never had any problems related to sex but I just can't feel anything during it. I like to be close to my partner/s and I love them, but sex is more of a chore than something i actually enjoy as an act. 

Then again, there are times when I willingly have sex, but during those periods I just can't feel anything either. I have sex because my current partner wants to and they have so little knowledge about the lgbtq+ things so I don't want to explain it to them yet.

An ace friend of mine said I can't be anything ace-related because I have a history of enjoying sex and my current state is because of other "issues" I might have.

Anyone have the same problem, or know what to do? Can I identify as gray-ace or do I have to identify as sexual because of my history?

[roland.o]

Hello julelapiole, welcome to the AVEN forums. Have some cake !

 

If partnered sex is not something you desire (for your own pleasure), if you're not sexually attracted to your partner, then you could consider to identify as asexual. Asexuality, as defined around here, is not about having sex, but about feeling sexual attraction. Have you read about the different types of attraction?

http://wiki.asexuality.org/Attraction

https://secondlina.deviantart.com/art/Sketchcomic-types-of-Attraction-298804729

 

hope that helps...

[Apathetic Echidna]

willingly having sex but not feeling anything is different from enjoying sex in my opinion. When sex is not a chore do you have a drive to have sex with someone then not feel much in the act? or is it still actually a chore, but one you find interesting for a while?

of course you don't have to answer here, but maybe ask yourself. And don't let your friend label you. Don't let anyone label you but yourself, if in fact you do want a label. There are labels for almost everything, and there can be some crossover and gaps in those labels but just reading through some definitions from the orientation lexicon might help