Lord Pocky Posted November 12, 2017 Share Posted November 12, 2017 My birth name makes me want to cry whenever I hear it. Whether it be my parents calling for me or if a teacher is taking attendance. I feel weak in the stomach and a little queasy whenever I see my name written or hear it during conversation like; "oh this is (birth name), she is a quiet one." Excuse you? My names Jordan! And I'm a he! I don't want to have my birth name anymore, but my father once told me: "You're given that name to honor your mother! You can change it when I'm dead." My dad can be a bit of a jerk with his brutal honesty. At least when I'm brutally honest, I'm still respectful! He and I had a close bond when I was younger, yet I feel that that bond has shrunk into something less. Sometimes, I'm nervous to be around him since he and I have vastly different visions of who I'll be in the future. but back to my name: don't know if it's alright to give it out here, but I think as long as I don't give out my last name, I'll be fine. (Edited to keep privacy). I hate that name so much! It's my mothers first name, yet she was always referred to by her middle name. And so, she gave her first name to me! What joy! I just really hate my name and want to change it soon. Link to post Share on other sites
Forgotten Fox Posted November 12, 2017 Share Posted November 12, 2017 I'm sorry you have to go through that Jordan, parents are pretty difficult when it comes to changing names. My own sister got criticized by my mom when she wanted to use a nickname to shortened her regular name(You can imagine how much my mom complains whenever I use my preferred name at starbucks but I handle it). You can still honor your mother in different ways besides a name like doing what you love or showing you love her now and again. Have you tried telling somebody such as a teacher or friend that you go by something else in private? They usually don't mind, but may try to use your birth name again so you'll have to remind them like, "It's actually Jordan" until it sticks. If all else fails just know that you're still yourself even when your name is wrong and how we will acknowledge that no matter what Link to post Share on other sites
Lord Pocky Posted November 12, 2017 Author Share Posted November 12, 2017 Thanks @Forgotten Fox, your words brightened up my day a bit. I just wanted to get this off my chest so I could possibly stop worrying about my birth name. Yeah, parents are/can be weird. Link to post Share on other sites
J. van Deijck Posted November 12, 2017 Share Posted November 12, 2017 awh. *hugs* for us here, you are Jordan. and it's pretty obvious. :3 I thought nothing could be worse than my homotransphobic parents, tbh ._. Link to post Share on other sites
Lord Pocky Posted November 12, 2017 Author Share Posted November 12, 2017 Just now, [noize:injekktion] said: awh. *hugs* for us here, you are Jordan. and it's pretty obvious. :3 I thought nothing could be worse than my homotransphobic parents, tbh ._. *hugs back* homo-transphobic parents stink. Thanks man. Means a lot to me. / <:) Link to post Share on other sites
caetxln Posted November 12, 2017 Share Posted November 12, 2017 I hope you can change your name Jordan. Link to post Share on other sites
Lichley Posted November 12, 2017 Share Posted November 12, 2017 Over my dead body when your 18 and can just change it yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted November 12, 2017 Share Posted November 12, 2017 You are definitely not alone in this feeling. I changed my name without waiting for my parents' consent as soon as I was able to, and it's still an issue. At least I have the relief of not having to deal with most people knowing the name I dislike. Hopefully you'll have that relief soon as well. Link to post Share on other sites
nerdperson777 Posted November 12, 2017 Share Posted November 12, 2017 My parents know my name but have not attempted to refer to me any different. It's the name on my packages so it's in plain view. The only thing I've seen them do that was positive is that my dad said I was "not a girl" one time, and a boy another. Now I guess since they have noticed my changes from hormones, they are scared and are trying to refer to me as a girl more. I think they are trying their best not to be phobic, but it's clear that they do have issues with my gender. My mom debated against a homotransphobic family friend at a gathering and yet, I'm not really belonging to that group that she defended. I don't think my parents actually care what gender I am, just that I had to be cis. Although my first name isn't what I got from my mom, my middle is. It's Marie, after my mom Maria, who got her name from West Side Story. I hardly use my middle name so I don't have too many problems with it, but I like to shorten my first name to make it neutral, if I don't get to use my chosen name. Over the last couple years, I just grew to be dysphoric about my my full first name. My dad has been using it more lately, to solidify his notions that he has a daughter. I'm not really sure I want to know how they'll react when I change my name legally. I'm still waiting for California to start their non-binary gender stuff. The law got passed, but don't know when it'll take effect. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted November 12, 2017 Share Posted November 12, 2017 I have known quite a few people who changed their names officially (or unofficially). Like most things in life, people adjust and learn to accept choices made by those they love. My ex's daughter changed her name and initially everyone could not / did find it easy to use that name, especially her grandmother. But as time went by, and as it became obvious how much the new name made her blossom and she was outspoken about how it was her choice and her voice...well even Granny started calling her by the chosen name. Be patient with those around you, but be clear as to why it is important to you. Give them time and I am quite sure it will just become a normal thing to call you Jordan. Link to post Share on other sites
Lord Pocky Posted November 12, 2017 Author Share Posted November 12, 2017 40 minutes ago, Lichley said: Over my dead body when your 18 and can just change it yourself. I'm already 18 but they'll just say 'as long as you're under our roof you'll be called blah blah blah.' Its the same thing with me wanting to get my hair cut shorter! It's kinda short, but not the way I want it to be. My mom doesn't want me to go shorter and she's afraid of my grandma (her mom) finding out. It sucks! I have no job. I have no car. I have horrible anxiety and am unable to leave this place! I just feel like crap right now. Link to post Share on other sites
Lichley Posted November 12, 2017 Share Posted November 12, 2017 I'm sure you can find something, and if you need any help you can reach out to aces in your local area for help (other humans are available). The point is that you don't give in and admit that it won't happen, but you set yourself goals to achieve that will result in you having that as your reward. E.g. Staying strong and being brave = Getting a job = Leaving house = Changing name. Just take everything one step at a time, and don't try to rush everything. Link to post Share on other sites
Lord Pocky Posted November 12, 2017 Author Share Posted November 12, 2017 @Lichley thank you. I'm terrified of driving but I'm sure I'll learn how soon enough. Baby steps got be taken. Link to post Share on other sites
nerdperson777 Posted November 13, 2017 Share Posted November 13, 2017 3 hours ago, Iced Milk Boy said: Its the same thing with me wanting to get my hair cut shorter! It's kinda short, but not the way I want it to be. My mom doesn't want me to go shorter and she's afraid of my grandma (her mom) finding out. It sucks! I have no job. I have no car. I have horrible anxiety and am unable to leave this place! I've never actually had "long hair", shoulder length was the longest. My parents are also afraid of people finding out, but really they shouldn't care. I am me. Putting me into a mold that doesn't fit isn't going to make anything better. I'm only able to get hormones because I got a job after college and went to an informed consent clinic. Just try your best to hang on until you have the freedom to get a job and more doors can open up. I wish you the best of luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Lord Pocky Posted November 13, 2017 Author Share Posted November 13, 2017 @nerdperson777 thank you. Link to post Share on other sites
Amathy Posted November 13, 2017 Share Posted November 13, 2017 I cut my hair to chin length. My parents told me it was too short. I buzzed my hair. My parents lectured. I grew my hair to four inches, my parents complement me on the length. It's all perspective. However, I recommend waiting to do this until you are not living with your parents. Is there a parent-valid reason you could explore shorter hair such as donating your hair or supporting a cause? As for the name, I have two names. I use the name I was given at birth around my parents. I use the other name most of the rest of the time. Using my given name around my parents is a small compromise in exchange for having a good relationship with them. However, everyone has to decide what they are willing to compromise on. Is there a nickname derivation of your birth name that would be accepted by your parents and be more tolerable to you than the full version? Link to post Share on other sites
Jax Nikara Posted November 13, 2017 Share Posted November 13, 2017 I'm sorry that you have had to go through all this but you should at least be acknowledged for your bravery. I also wish to change my name (to given screen name) and I tried to tell my friends about it so they could try but eventually they all forgot. Unfortunately I never had the courage to tell my parents about the pronoun preference or the wanted name change. I'm trying to start the name change back up with my friends again but no guarantee. Anywho, stay strong and keep being brave my friend. Link to post Share on other sites
Haze. Posted November 13, 2017 Share Posted November 13, 2017 Just now, Jax Nikara said: I'm sorry that you have had to go through all this but you should at least be acknowledged for your bravery. I also wish to change my name (to given screen name) and I tried to tell my friends about it so they could try but eventually they all forgot. Unfortunately I never had the courage to tell my parents about the pronoun preference or the wanted name change. I'm trying to start the name change back up with my friends again but no guarantee. Anywho, stay strong and keep being brave my friend. I sorries, I'm one of the people who forgets to call you this! I also am a little turd and am kinda afraid to do it in front of people like adults lol. I sorriesssssssssssssssssssss Link to post Share on other sites
Jax Nikara Posted November 13, 2017 Share Posted November 13, 2017 Just now, Hazel_Elise said: I sorries, I'm one of the people who forgets to call you this! I also am a little turd and am kinda afraid to do it in front of people like adults lol. I sorriesssssssssssssssssssss It is ok, don't worry about the in front of adults thing. As long as you are trying. Link to post Share on other sites
Haze. Posted November 13, 2017 Share Posted November 13, 2017 Just now, Jax Nikara said: It is ok, don't worry about the in front of adults thing. As long as you are trying. *cough, cough*I also like Jasper more than Jax so I'll prolly call you that*cough, cough* Link to post Share on other sites
Jax Nikara Posted November 13, 2017 Share Posted November 13, 2017 Look below... also I apologise to @Iced Milk Boy for my friend and I for kind of directing this topic away from you. I'm sorry. Link to post Share on other sites
Jax Nikara Posted November 13, 2017 Share Posted November 13, 2017 2 minutes ago, Hazel_Elise said: *cough, cough*I also like Jasper more than Jax so I'll prolly call you that*cough, cough* *cough, cough* That would be the full name version so I kind of expected that *cough, cough* Link to post Share on other sites
Haze. Posted November 13, 2017 Share Posted November 13, 2017 Just now, Jax Nikara said: *cough, cough* That would be the full name version so I kind of expected that *cough, cough* *cough* I tend to prefer people's full names. Also the two-syllable rule for you. *cough* Link to post Share on other sites
Lord Pocky Posted November 13, 2017 Author Share Posted November 13, 2017 XD @Jax Nikara this post is a bit of a mess so it's cool. The name Jax is pretty neat! Link to post Share on other sites
Jax Nikara Posted November 13, 2017 Share Posted November 13, 2017 1 minute ago, Iced Milk Boy said: XD @Jax Nikara this post is a bit of a mess so it's cool. The name Jax is pretty neat! Thanks XD. Jordan is a pretty cool name as well. Link to post Share on other sites
Lord Pocky Posted November 13, 2017 Author Share Posted November 13, 2017 Aw thanks! It means 'River' or at least has a connection with rivers. Water makes me happy. Link to post Share on other sites
Haze. Posted November 13, 2017 Share Posted November 13, 2017 2 minutes ago, Iced Milk Boy said: Aw thanks! It means 'River' or at least has a connection with rivers. Water makes me happy. Indeed! The name comes from the Jordan River. Link to post Share on other sites
Jax Nikara Posted November 13, 2017 Share Posted November 13, 2017 5 minutes ago, Iced Milk Boy said: Aw thanks! It means 'River' or at least has a connection with rivers. Water makes me happy. Glad you found a name that makes you happy. Mine just came from messing around with the letter x. Link to post Share on other sites
Lord Pocky Posted November 13, 2017 Author Share Posted November 13, 2017 Ha ha! It took me about two-ish years until I recently just found this name and stuck with it. I'm a rather indecisive individual so I had trouble picking the correct name. Link to post Share on other sites
Jax Nikara Posted November 13, 2017 Share Posted November 13, 2017 It took me a while as well, but I had lots of help from my friends for suggestions. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.