open LTR with (allo)sexual

[Juliace]

Looking for shared experiences in this process: I've been married a long time, without sex for many years now, and only recently realized my own asexuality. He's bi and not asexual, and has been conducting sexual relationships (with men) for a few years now though I am his primary romantic partner. Currently we don't live in the same city, which in a way is easier, but we both want to live together again in the future and I worry about how it will work.

I realized I'm not aromantic, because I'm struggling with accepting this situation and find most discussions of polyamory don't apply because I don't want any other romantic relationships, so it feels really one-sided and kind of unfair. I know I can't ask him to give up sex because it's a huge part of his identity, but I hate the feeling of abandonment when I know he's with other people. I'm not seeking another romantic relationship because I don't want one; yet I feel our situation is not balanced. For example, I have more free time and resent it when he isn't available because he's with someone else.

Worried about the future of the relationship--we both want it to last but it's really tricky. I've only found a few blog posts that delve into this kind of situation.
pianycist.wordpress.com/2013/02/01/polya...ionships-guest-post/
theasexualityblog.tumblr.com/post/140756...solution-for-asexual
But I'm looking for more input and discussion!

 

[I also posted this on Acebook]

[roland.o]

Hello Juliace, welcome to the AVEN forums! Have some cake... :-)

 

There are some discussions about mixed relationships in this forum:

https://www.asexuality.org/en/forum/30-for-sexual-partners-friends-and-allies/

You'll also find posts from the sexual partners in mixed relationships there.

 

I hope it will work out for you!

[Astryda]

Have you considered that perhaps the problem is not in that he meets some other people but that you just don't enjoy your free time when he is out? Would you feel the same if instead of going to meet some guys he would go to practise some hobby or do anything else that would not involve you, resulting in the same thing- you being alone and having much spare time? I'm asking since you didn't mention any jealousy on your part, but that you find it difficult to cope with having spare time when he is out.