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The Ubyssey - Ask Natalie

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10 November 2017



"Hey Natalie,

I identify as an asexual. I find it extremely hard to make connections with people (in a romantic sense), and when I do get attention, I always suspect that it will ultimately have to end with sex. Is there any place where I can meet fellow asexuals, where I can genuinely meet people and form connections without having to get physical?”


I’m not asexual myself, although I think it’s a spectrum, much like the rest of sexuality. No two people will be alike in their experience, even if they are both ace. Some people who identify as ace also identify as aromantic and aren’t even interested in a romantic relationship without anything sexual. Some love the romance.


Unfortunately, asexuality isn’t very well known or represented (see: Riverdale’s Jughead), even within Queer communities — and some ace people don’t consider themselves “Queer” — so people who are asexual can sometimes feel excluded from “traditional” Queer meet-ups.


That also has the double-edged sword of meaning asexual folks often have to explain what that means to people who aren’t familiar with Queer terminology. The best thing you can do is be open and honest with your partners — if you feel comfortable with that person. Don’t ever feel like you have to justify who you are to other people, just because asexuality isn’t as well known as being gay doesn’t mean it’s any less of who you are.


If you’ve tried UBC Pride and find it’s not really your taste, asexuality.org and MeetUp.com both have local meet-ups specifically for those who consider themselves ace.


I know I’m not being overly helpful, but I’m not very familiar with the ace community in Vancouver and I don’t want to point you in the wrong direction. Try to find online communities you’re comfortable with because many meet up in real life, especially in big cities like Vancouver.



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They used the S word (spectrum)! :o

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