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What's your limit sexually?


Stylish_Rubble

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Stylish_Rubble

While I have nothing to do with the question at hand it's more of an interesting dilemma I'd like you guys' input in. Simply: Would you have sex with your s/o if you thought it would help(or in an extreme case save) your relationship? And, if not sex, what's the furthest you would go?

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I would rather break up with a person than do something I don't want to do. Cuddling and eskimo kissing is the farthest I want to go. I've tried kissing on the mouth, but it's gross.

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I don't particularly want sex, but I'd be OK with it if it was infrequent (once every two weeks, once a month, something along those lines). But, I don't have to worry about it with my partner. 

 

Otherwise... I don't have a lot of limits, depending. It would vary by person and by my mood at the time. With my current SO I can enjoy certain things. 

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I only really have two, I think.

 

Nothing that can result in pregnancy, even the remotest possibility (before we're both ready for such a thing, anyway).

Rears are exit only.

 

Other than that, as long as it's with my partner, I don't really think I have any particular limits.  We're very comfy with each other.  Nothing about it would particularly help or save the relationship though, considering I found my partner on this site and she doesn't place any particular importance on the act either >_>

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everywhere and nowhere

I'm not in any relationship. But I strongly feel: no. I just mentally couldn't force myself to have sex.

I imagine I could touch and kiss a girlfriend's breasts. That's pretty much as far as it goes. No body fluids and nothing that would require undressing on my part. So I'm just not a partner for anyone for whom a relationship must include sex.

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I guess my only limit is that there be specific communication about what is going to happen between my partner and I. I know, kind of kills the mood, but it seems to be the key to maintaining needs in a mixed orientation relationship. I'm not sex repulsed in private, but more indifferent. I think if I was single I might have harder limits. 

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I'm asexual and my husband is sexual. Our sex life doesn't cause any distress because we both like affection and I have a kind of high sex drive so I can as well release that tension with my husband or deal with it myself. Also the length and frequency of our encounters fulfills our needs for both of us. Not sure what would happen if it wasn't so and sex would be required more often from me though, since I wouldn't be able to compromise in more intensive way than it is now.

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Nothing to save the relationship. If our friendship, commitment, compassion, and shared adventures aren't enough to keep it alive, then I highly doubt there is a sexual maneuver that will do the trick. With that out of the way I have to be honest and say it really varies, hugs, snuggles, spooning, holding hands, light kissing? Any time, pretty much without reserve. Stuff involving genitals (clothed or unclothed)? Maybe once or twice a year. Though I might do something just for my partner's enjoyment if requested. And if it doesn't come up or get initiated? Not bothered in the least, as long as we can spend time together and can express our affection in the ways I mentioned.

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No idea. Would have to try it, I guess... but ugh, romance *shudders*

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4 hours ago, Serran said:

I don't particularly want sex, but I'd be OK with it if it was infrequent (once every two weeks, once a month, something along those lines). But, I don't have to worry about it with my partner. 

 

Otherwise... I don't have a lot of limits, depending. It would vary by person and by my mood at the time. With my current SO I can enjoy certain things. 

Serran, we have very different ideas about infrequent, lol. I think of 1-3 times a year as infrequent. But you be you!

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I think my ace wife copes better with a known frequency than a surprise-outofnowhere-thing! 

I also guess there is a difference between an already established well-functioning relationship with family and all, that turns into a mixed one along the way and a fresh start.

 

The limit changes from time to time. My trouble is that I have a hard time guessing how to get her past the discomfort and into a comfortzone and therefrom continue to a “oh, this is nice!” Instead of “oh, I really think it would be nice if this could stop”

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1 hour ago, JMichael said:

Serran, we have very different ideas about infrequent, lol. I think of 1-3 times a year as infrequent. But you be you!

Heh. 1-3 times a year technically counts as a sexless relationship.

 

My last partner (before the one I have now) wanted once a day. My partner before that wanted 1-3 times a week. The one before that wanted 1-2 times a week. The one before that once every two weeks or so. The most infrequent I've heard from a sexual as for how often they want is once a month.

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4 hours ago, Astryda said:

I'm asexual and my husband is sexual. Our sex life doesn't cause any distress because we both like affection and I have a kind of high sex drive so I can as well release that tension with my husband or deal with it myself. Also the length and frequency of our encounters fulfills our needs for both of us. Not sure what would happen if it wasn't so and sex would be required more often from me though, since I wouldn't be able to compromise in more intensive way than it is now.

asexual, but a high sex drive?

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I am pretty neutral about oral, maybe because I did it for a long time, so now I'm like "ok, whatever". And I would prefer it if nobody lays on me ever again, buuuut it's always about the person. 

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3 hours ago, Serran said:

Heh. 1-3 times a year technically counts as a sexless relationship.

I've always wanted to win on a technicality! Lol.

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I could probably have sex but only at the beginning of the relationship. To do it over and over and over with the same person  makes it sound like a boring chore and extremely unappealing. 

 

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10 hours ago, Philip027 said:

I only really have two, I think.

 

Nothing that can result in pregnancy, even the remotest possibility (before we're both ready for such a thing, anyway).

Rears are exit only.

that's pretty much the same for me

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Midnight Spiral

I'm not interested in having an s/o right now, but if I were I wouldn't do anything with them, it would just feel wrong to me when I know I'm not going to be into it.  Some people feel really rejected when their partner isn't sexually attracted to them (which is reasonable), so I'd also be worried I'd hurt their feelings and with a relationship like that I don't see why either of us should be in a relationship with together when we want different things from each other when we can find more compatible partners.  Also I generally follow a simple rule of avoiding doing something I wouldn't want to do over and over for years, even if it's infrequent.  Just because you can put up with something now doesn't mean you will be able to forever.

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Hmmm. I think that would be situational for me. While I consider myself a asexual I could possibly be demi. I’ve just never been in a situation where I was emotionally bonded enough to someone to know if I could be sexually attracted to them. I suspect not but who knows. If I were with someone and emotionally connected to them but still

did not have a desire to be sexually intimate I wouldn’t be able to make myself. Considering I find the idea of being sexually intimate repulsive I just don’t think I could compromise myself that way. And honestly if someone was making me deel

as if I needed to do something I felt so strongly against in order to appease them then they are not the right person. 

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swirl_of_blue

I have only had relationships with people I haven't been attracted to in any way so far, and in those ones my limit has been "almost anything goes as long as I don't have to be active". So I wouldn't touch my partner, but they would be welcome to use my body to sate their desires. In practice this turned out to be only PIV every time, and it was all right as long as I could lie face down and be quiet and not pay attention. But I don't think I could do this with someone I actually cared for (or even loved), and since I have never had a relationship where there actually were feelings involved I have no idea what my limits would be like.

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Having never been in that position and never likely to be, it's an awkward question to answer, I've not been in a relationship and truthfully never likely to be in a relationship, that said, I like all forms of intimacy, but inserting my penis (which no longer functions anyway) into a woman just doesn't feel right for me personally, that said, I'm not sexually repulsed, it's just never appealed to me

 

I hope that makes some form of sense

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5 hours ago, Astryda said:

Yeah, why?

Isn't that contrary?

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For me I don't really desire sex or romance, but most sexual and romantic activity doesn't bother me too much. Hugging, kissing and making out I enjoy now, and cuddles can be fun, although while I will instigate kissing and hugging, I never really desire cuddles but don't mind them as long as they don't last too long. I love also touching and just being naked with a partner for whatever reason. As far as sexual acts Id be willing to have it once every other week preferably though. Having it once a week would probably be doable...but several times a week would be a huge no. I don't know how some people have it two or three times a day...urgh. 

I'd also have to know ahead of time so I can mentally prepare myself, I hate spontaneity. Also it has to be on days I'm not working or else I just don't have the energy. 

As far as actual limits...no backdoor stuff, nothing rough, I like slow and sensual. Also nothing kinky, I am as vanilla as they come more or less. And nothing too long. 

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1 hour ago, lux aeterna said:

Isn't that contrary?

No, because libido and sexual attraction are two different things.

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9 hours ago, chandrakirti said:

If the only thing that could save a relationship is sex, then I'm out at the first hurdle!

Same here - that kind of thing would just make me feel like the person I'm in a relationship is in it just for the sex and that'd just feel nasty. :wacko:

 

I'm not completely sure about my limits just yet though as right now the idea of doing anything from kissing to touching sexually feels like a huge no-no.

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