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Starting a new Relationship


RedRidingHood

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RedRidingHood

(Sorry if I mess anything up. This is my first post)

So I've recently been trying to figure out if I'm asexual, and I'm pretty sure I am. Most physical contact (in pretty much every context) makes me uncomfortable, and it gets worse if it's in a romantic way. I've had two past failed relationships in high school (I'm a college freshman now), and I think it's due to my problem with kissing and getting comfortable with them. About a week ago I met this really nice guy at a jazz concert (that I worked at). I added him on facebook afterwards, and he called me beautiful and made me feel really nice. He seems really nice, but I'm worried that if I try to pursue a relationship with him it won't end well. He's a couple years older than me, so around 20/21, and I don't know what all he'd expect out of a relationship. We've talked casually, and he seems to be ok with me saying that I don't drink or smoke, and that even though he does both, that he would never do it around me if it makes me uncomfortable. This is what kind makes me want to give it shot, but I'm not physically attracted to him at all. Objectively, he's not as attractive as guys I have dated in the past, so I don't know if that also adds to my hesitation. I just really need help figuring this out. 

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Moved from Questions about Asexuality to Asexual Relationships.

 

TheAP

Questions about Asexuality co-mod

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MostliiGhostii

Honestly it really seems that you are asexual or at least some form of aromantic. There are many different identities, since the feelings are one a spectrum. However you:

-are not physically attracted to peopl

-dislike physical confrontation

-averse to romance

 

I believe it would be worth your time to look into sex-repulsion or sex-aversion. As well as the different romantic identities and asexual identities. I also believe another way to help yourself out would be to question what you actually seek from a relationship by asking yourself things like:

-What kind of bond am I seeking?

-To what extent do I enjoy touch? cuddling? kissing? sex? 

-Do I find myself drawn more to a specific gender? (male, female, non-binary, etc.)

-If I could see myself living with a partner, what do I desire from them? What am I willing to give in return?

 

There are also many forms of love than just romantic. There are such things called Queerplatonic relationships that involve a deep platonic bond.

If you have any statements or questions, please feel free to respond darling.

 

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5 hours ago, BritishGentleman said:

I also believe another way to help yourself out would be to question what you actually seek from a relationship by asking yourself things like:

-What kind of bond am I seeking?

-To what extent do I enjoy touch? cuddling? kissing? sex? 

-Do I find myself drawn more to a specific gender? (male, female, non-binary, etc.)

-If I could see myself living with a partner, what do I desire from them? What am I willing to give in return?

 

There are also many forms of love than just romantic. There are such things called Queerplatonic relationships that involve a deep platonic bond.

 

That's a very good reply.

 

I think if you are considering pursuing a relationship with someone, the answers to the questions that were stated here might be more important than even having a label for yourself.

While you are unsure whether to approach this guy about possible relationship, how about you give it some time and get to know him (and yourself) a bit better? It will give you better idea whether you like him enough and what you'd expect from this relationship. You also said you don't feel too much of aesthetic attraction towards him. Well, if you both happen to jump into relationship now then you decide you would rather be with someone who you'd consider more attractive, then it could be a painful breakup, whether for him, yourself, or the both of you. 

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Hi there, I'm 21 and very new to acknowledging my own asexuality,  but I think in my own experience I can confuse my feelings and have a hard time separating who I totally see platonically and who I see in a emotionally intimate way because of my lack of sexuality. So I think that maybe I use who I find asthetically attractive as a way to guide myself to separate friendship and romance, because I feel I can become emotionally connected to many people. It's only recently that I'm realizing the blurriness in these lines and my own inability to really distinguish my feelings. I may find someone to be gorgeous and have strong feelings for them but once attempting a romantic relationship I usually go back to wishing we were still just friends. This may be a really cool person that you could just have a great relationship with, without it being romantic. I notice that when I attempt romance than I become incredibly uncomfortable/confused and my feelings begin to change about the relationship. This may be very different for you, but I hope by telling my own experience it can help you explore yours as well.

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