Jump to content

How about telling your crush?


BrLg

Recommended Posts

So yeah. Let's say you have a big crush on someone. But you're ace. And trans, pre-everything. This person appears to be you best friend, but you don't talk that much anymore, but you still miss them so fcking much. Would you tell them? I don't know how they would react to me being trans and ace, even if they already knows. Plus I don't really want to be in a relationship, and they're my best friend, you know? What if it screw up our friendship? Even if it's not as good as it used to due to distance? But yeah struggling a lot lately. Asking for a friend of course *cough cough*

(not sure if it's the right place to ask but yeah)

Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm in a similar situation myself and well... that's why I'm not sure what you should do either :D. Maybe ask yourself what you'd get from telling them (especially since you don't want a relationship with them) - I mean, would it help get over the crush (if that's what you want)? Anyway, I think honesty will always make a friendship stronger, no matter what. And if they're a good friend they'll understand even if they feel differently.

 

My situation is that I've always thought I'm aromantic but now not sure wether I'm crushing or squishing on a friend... So yeeaaah. I also wouldn't call her my best friend, but I'd want her to be that. Dunno. Life is weird sometimes.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Well for your *friends* condition I can only suggest you should come out as trans and ace but If you are okay and have a safe space of course.If they accept you for who you always been that means they are really caring about you as a friend or not.But you should give them some time to you know process things.For telling your crush that you have a crush on them is really up on you though.If they accept you and if you are really want to be in a relationship then you can probably say it.But If you want to continue as friend even though they accepted you,you can keep things platonic.But this scenarios for that person accepting you if they don't,there is not really much about to debate over I think.

Link to post
Share on other sites
33 minutes ago, hippiecat said:

My situation is that I've always thought I'm aromantic but now not sure wether I'm crushing or squishing on a friend... So yeeaaah. I also wouldn't call her my best friend, but I'd want her to be that. Dunno. Life is weird sometimes.

What do squishing mean? Sorry I'm not an english speaker. But yeah sorry you're going through stuff too :/ this situation sucks.

Link to post
Share on other sites
14 minutes ago, caetxln said:

Well for your *friends* condition I can only suggest you should come out as trans and ace but If you are okay and have a safe space of course.If they accept you for who you always been that means they are really caring about you as a friend or not.But you should give them some time to you know process things.For telling your crush that you have a crush on them is really up on you though.If they accept you and if you are really want to be in a relationship then you can probably say it.But If you want to continue as friend even though they accepted you,you can keep things platonic.But this scenarios for that person accepting you if they don't,there is not really much about to debate over I think.

Well, they already know, but I think it's something different having a trans and ace friend, or partner? I know lots of people who wouldn't have a trans bf/gf (it's sad, but I don't blame them, they're not transphobe). The fact is, I don't believe in all this relationship things. I always thought people my age were to young to know who they want to be with and I don't know I just don't believe in love at young age (I'm 19 but still, I know some people have very healthy relationship very early, but I really don't trust people my age). We were very close, and now it's more awkward due to distances and other things, but I still have strong feelings for them. I've never been in a relationship and it's kinda the first time I love someone that much, so I don't know, I'm lost af.

Link to post
Share on other sites
31 minutes ago, BrLg said:

What do squishing mean? Sorry I'm not an english speaker. But yeah sorry you're going through stuff too :/ this situation sucks.

Squish = A platonic crush. So no desire for a relationship, just friendship :).

Link to post
Share on other sites
34 minutes ago, hippiecat said:

Squish = A platonic crush. So no desire for a relationship, just friendship :).

Oh okay! Thanks!

Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, BrLg said:

Well, they already know, but I think it's something different having a trans and ace friend, or partner? I know lots of people who wouldn't have a trans bf/gf (it's sad, but I don't blame them, they're not transphobe). The fact is, I don't believe in all this relationship things. I always thought people my age were to young to know who they want to be with and I don't know I just don't believe in love at young age (I'm 19 but still, I know some people have very healthy relationship very early, but I really don't trust people my age). We were very close, and now it's more awkward due to distances and other things, but I still have strong feelings for them. I've never been in a relationship and it's kinda the first time I love someone that much, so I don't know, I'm lost af.

Tbh,I had a crush in fact a person i deeply loved,admired and cared about.Like more than a crush,she meant lot to me.I never considered myself sexual before her and she made me confused sexually.She was someone who is impossible to reach,she was older,had a partner...etc. I never told that I had feelings for her.I just wanted to breathe air that she breathe.I did many things that I don't usually do.I started drawing and stuff -which I am really bad at drawing things- But the end of the day I was happy,I knew she would never be with me but I liked that she liked me as a person not as a girlfriend or something like that.

      For my opinion,she is someone achievable as a partner.My condition I had no chance,she was straight,older,had a partner.In your condition they already knew you and accept you.You can say that you like her as more than a friend,maybe? And maybe she wants to be with you also.I know that it's really hard to be trans person be in a relationship.Because they have less intolerance to trans people.And It's really not fair to be that way.But it is something worth talking for with your friend maybe your friend also have same feelings for you.Or maybe just want to try to see if the relationships gonna work out.

     I believe if you are really not in a desperate impossible situation you should tell your feelings.Because keeping them inside would hurt you more than being rejected.

Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, caetxln said:

Tbh,I had a crush in fact a person i deeply loved,admired and cared about.Like more than a crush,she meant lot to me.I never considered myself sexual before her and she made me confused sexually.She was someone who is impossible to reach,she was older,had a partner...etc. I never told that I had feelings for her.I just wanted to breathe air that she breathe.I did many things that I don't usually do.I started drawing and stuff -which I am really bad at drawing things- But the end of the day I was happy,I knew she would never be with me but I liked that she liked me as a person not as a girlfriend or something like that.

      For my opinion,she is someone achievable as a partner.My condition I had no chance,she was straight,older,had a partner.In your condition they already knew you and accept you.You can say that you like her as more than a friend,maybe? And maybe she wants to be with you also.I know that it's really hard to be trans person be in a relationship.Because they have less intolerance to trans people.And It's really not fair to be that way.But it is something worth talking for with your friend maybe your friend also have same feelings for you.Or maybe just want to try to see if the relationships gonna work out.

     I believe if you are really not in a desperate impossible situation you should tell your feelings.Because keeping them inside would hurt you more than being rejected.

I had the same with all the 'made me confuse my sexuality' thing, I was so perplex and yeah confused, I think you know what I mean. And same suddenly I was doing things I wouldn't normally do, I am just so comfortable around this person? And most of my dreams I had, they were here with me when I realised them. And same with the baddest time I never had, always here to cheer me up. Oh god I don't like liking someone it's way too confusing. I know it's kind of naive, but I never felt that in 19 years, it's kinda strange. I just wish this feeling fades away... people says eventually it would, but it's not like we can control it. I guess? Oh god it really sucks. Tbh I feel sorry for the story you told, love and the feelings as a result are so troubling... Tell me if it's too private, but did you ended up forgetting the person? If so, dare I ask how to do so? I guess there isn't really an answer... I don't know. I'm just so afraid to ruin our friendship. It's the more powerful I never had in my whole life. It's left or double, I guess. I may tell them, because it's driving me crazy. This is too complicated for me.

 

(btw I was listening to Eminem's new song while reading your comment, made it sound dramatic, it was powerful ahah.)

Link to post
Share on other sites
25 minutes ago, BrLg said:

I had the same with all the 'made me confuse my sexuality' thing, I was so perplex and yeah confused, I think you know what I mean. And same suddenly I was doing things I wouldn't normally do, I am just so comfortable around this person? And most of my dreams I had, they were here with me when I realised them. And same with the baddest time I never had, always here to cheer me up. Oh god I don't like liking someone it's way too confusing. I know it's kind of naive, but I never felt that in 19 years, it's kinda strange. I just wish this feeling fades away... people says eventually it would, but it's not like we can control it. I guess? Oh god it really sucks. Tbh I feel sorry for the story you told, love and the feelings as a result are so troubling... Tell me if it's too private, but did you ended up forgetting the person? If so, dare I ask how to do so? I guess there isn't really an answer... I don't know. I'm just so afraid to ruin our friendship. It's the more powerful I never had in my whole life. It's left or double, I guess. I may tell them, because it's driving me crazy. This is too complicated for me.

 

(btw I was listening to Eminem's new song while reading your comment, made it sound dramatic, it was powerful ahah.)

I was around 12 when I realized I liked her.And funny thing is she was my teacher.She was more close to me than with the other students.You know i was never fit in with other childeren,I was maybe little bit more grown up than the others.She was twelve years older than me.She had a boyfriend which I hated.Before her I liked girls and had a cute little crush on them but it was like celeb crushes so it was like whatever feeling will fade away sometime.I didn't really thought about my sexuality that much until that time.I waited to feeling to fade away but it continued until I hit 16.Because we were close we shared our thoughts,lifes and lots of stuff together.She considered me friend more than a student.I never had a courage to tell her in a direct way.When I learnt that she was leaving the school,I left a single rose on her desk and run away in the lunch break.Sometimes I stalk her on the internet just to see what happend to her.Feeling faded away over a time because there was an empty space between us.Like too much space that you can actually fit the galaxies and the stars into there.I am happy for her though.I am happy for her happiness.Now when I think about those memories I am just smiling.Because I had nothing to do so.And I regret that I never really opened about this least I could've give her a paper or something.But it hurts that knowing every aspects of her life and not being a part of it.And after that I become much more cold person and denied my identity for a while.But at the end of the day I am still the same old me and whatever happens after you would still be same you that you were always before.If you need support you can message me,I would answer.But I believe your feelings will fade over a time but you can't be sure about time.It can be a year or years.Main question is : Until that time,can you endure the suffering? 

           (P.s : That music is great,I suggest you Sam Smith to make this more and more dramatic reading.) 

Link to post
Share on other sites

 

59 minutes ago, caetxln said:

But at the end of the day I am still the same old me and whatever happens after you would still be same you that you were always before.

Oh well okay I see what you meant by no conditions. I think it's a kinda cute story. It never occurred to me people could have crushes that young, I'm not denying it, though, I just never experienced that, idk I think it's cute. But yeah, I guess you're right, 'time heals everything'. Uh... this is too complicated. I like how you said this sentence, I never put words like this, but, I don't know, it's reassuring. Enduring the suffering... I try keeping myself busy so I don't have time to think about it, but it doesn't really work. I really hope time will help... or I found the courage to speak about it with them, so I can at least get it out of my head. Thanks for talking about this with me and sharing your story. I never talked about crushs/feelings stuffs before, was afraid being judge too naive ahah, but yeah thank you, that was reassuring, and also for you letting me message you! Pff I get it now when people says love is complexe...

Uh I think I'm going to sleep.. it's getting pretty late here (and my English is kinda regressing as my tiredness' rising ahah). But thanks, it did really help. And yeah! I really like Sam Smith too! He has such a beautiful voice. 

Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm somewhat relieved other people have similar problems. I am asexual and I lean quite strongly towards beeing aromantic as well. So I always thought that living alone would be great. However I meet this girl four years ago. By now she is one of my best friends, she used to be my flatmate in college and I really like her. Don't get me wrong I still don't want any intimate physical contact that goes above cuddling but at the moment we live very far from each other and I miss her like crazy. I just don't know how I can get from being really good friends to... The thing is I don't even know how to express what I want. I don't want a romantic relationship with her, I simply want her back as my flatmate, preferably on a long term basis. I have no clue how to ask her without weirding her out. Plus, I'm suspecting that she is also asexual, because as long as I have know her she had never had a romantic or sexual relationship with anyone nor has she expressed any desire to be in such a relationship. Any advice? I would highly appreciate it, I'm getting truely desperate. 

Link to post
Share on other sites
13 hours ago, Livra said:

I'm somewhat relieved other people have similar problems. I am asexual and I lean quite strongly towards beeing aromantic as well. So I always thought that living alone would be great. However I meet this girl four years ago. By now she is one of my best friends, she used to be my flatmate in college and I really like her. Don't get me wrong I still don't want any intimate physical contact that goes above cuddling but at the moment we live very far from each other and I miss her like crazy. I just don't know how I can get from being really good friends to... The thing is I don't even know how to express what I want. I don't want a romantic relationship with her, I simply want her back as my flatmate, preferably on a long term basis. I have no clue how to ask her without weirding her out. Plus, I'm suspecting that she is also asexual, because as long as I have know her she had never had a romantic or sexual relationship with anyone nor has she expressed any desire to be in such a relationship. Any advice? I would highly appreciate it, I'm getting truely desperate. 

My situation is kind the same, we weren't roommate but we've seen each other very days for on year (lire, really, every days for 365 days). And now they live like more than 1000km away. Miss them so much driving me crazy. I can't really help you to be honest... I wish I could but I'm stuck in the same thing. But if she's your best friend, it wouldn't be weird asking her about her sexuality, would it? I don't know about her, but if you're close enough, I don't think it would be weird or something. If living as roommates was a good time for both of you, you can maybe bring the subject up and remember good old times together? I totally get what you mean by ' The thing is I don't even know how to express what I want. I don't want a romantic relationship with her, I simply want her back as my flatmate, preferably on a long term basis.' I'm sorry you're going through that. I'm not really helpful sorry ahah. But i can always try to help if you need!

Link to post
Share on other sites

 

8 hours ago, BrLg said:

But if she's your best friend, it wouldn't be weird asking her about her sexuality, would it? I don't know about her, but if you're close enough, I don't think it would be weird or something. If living as roommates was a good time for both of you, you can maybe bring the subject up and remember good old times together?

The thing is that none of us is a very direct person. We are really good at subtetly, which normally works great, but when you want a clear answer, it sucks. I approached the topic once when I found out that such a thing as asexual and aromantic existed and I had the feeling that she was kinda uncomfortable with the whole subject, so I dropped it. If I talk to her about the good times we had as flatmates she will agree but to get a direct answer I need to ask a direct question and I don't know if I have the courage to ask. At the moment it's hypothetical anyway since I'm working and living on a ship and she is stil studying. But it's good to talk about it with someone who understands the situation. 

Link to post
Share on other sites
On 12/11/2017 at 3:38 AM, Livra said:

But it's good to talk about it with someone who understands the situation. 

You're welcome then. I'm kinda the opposite as you, direct person and don't understand when people make innuendo (does it make sense? It's from ggl translate), I don't really know what to tell you for this aspect, I wish I could help better tbh. But I hope you'll find the courage to ask or that things will be easier for you! And if you need/want to talk about how all of this sucks well don't hesitate. Good luck anyway :/ 

Link to post
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...