Spectrogram Posted November 10, 2017 Share Posted November 10, 2017 So, I'm wondering... Do asexual guys get erections when they are attracted to someone, even though they do not want to sleep with them? Those who are asexual and in a relationship with a man: It is weird if your partner gets an erection in your present? Say you are cuddling and then you feel something hard down there, what do you think about that? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Mermaidy Posted November 10, 2017 Share Posted November 10, 2017 As for your second points, both I and my husband are asexual. I personally don't mind erections at all. He doesn't get erections just looking at me, but we cuddle a lot and he gets erections a lot when we're cuddling since we are essentially rubbing on each other and dicks generally are sensitive. I'm sure it'd be a much more different dynamic if he weren't asexual though and I think you're wondering more about non-asexual guys. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Spectrogram Posted November 10, 2017 Author Share Posted November 10, 2017 18 minutes ago, Mermaidy said: As for your second points, both I and my husband are asexual. I personally don't mind erections at all. He doesn't get erections just looking at me, but we cuddle a lot and he gets erections a lot when we're cuddling since we are essentially rubbing on each other and dicks generally are sensitive. I'm sure it'd be a much more different dynamic if he weren't asexual though and I think you're wondering more about non-asexual guys. Yeah... I know that cuddling gives me an erection, so I was wondering how big of a problem that would be if I was dating an asexual girl. With my ex-girlfriend, I tried to hide my erection in really awkward ways because I knew neither of us was ready for sex, and I was afraid she might misinterpret my bodily signal... Quote Link to post Share on other sites
swirl_of_blue Posted November 10, 2017 Share Posted November 10, 2017 3 hours ago, Spectrogram said: Those who are asexual and in a relationship with a man: It is weird if your partner gets an erection in your present? Say you are cuddling and then you feel something hard down there, what do you think about that? Back when I was dating I was uncomfortable when it happened. Mostly because my then-boyfriend told me that it is extremely uncomfortable for a guy to have an erection and not do anything about it, and that it wouldn't go away unless something was done. So I would feel really guilty if we didn't take care of his "problem", and I wanted to just get over with it as quickly as possible so that we could concentrate on doing non-sex things together instead of being awkward. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Spectrogram Posted November 10, 2017 Author Share Posted November 10, 2017 21 minutes ago, swirl_of_blue said: Back when I was dating I was uncomfortable when it happened. Mostly because my then-boyfriend told me that it is extremely uncomfortable for a guy to have an erection and not do anything about it, and that it wouldn't go away unless something was done. So I would feel really guilty if we didn't take care of his "problem", and I wanted to just get over with it as quickly as possible so that we could concentrate on doing non-sex things together instead of being awkward. Well, erections do go away eventually when you stop cuddling. The guy might end up super horny, though... Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Mermaidy Posted November 10, 2017 Share Posted November 10, 2017 1 hour ago, Spectrogram said: Yeah... I know that cuddling gives me an erection, so I was wondering how big of a problem that would be if I was dating an asexual girl. With my ex-girlfriend, I tried to hide my erection in really awkward ways because I knew neither of us was ready for sex, and I was afraid she might misinterpret my bodily signal... since an erection would more or less happen for 2 reasons: 1-cuddling is stimulating because of the rubbing 2-cuddling is stimulating because of the attraction I would think that any asexual would only possibly be uncomfortable with the latter because the first is really out of one's control. I still think the majority of asexuals (and people in general) are understanding of the fact that because they're dating a nonasexual person then he/she is sexually attracted, but that doesn't really matter as long as everyone is being respectful. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Sera1001 Posted November 10, 2017 Share Posted November 10, 2017 1 hour ago, Spectrogram said: Yeah... I know that cuddling gives me an erection, so I was wondering how big of a problem that would be if I was dating an asexual girl. With my ex-girlfriend, I tried to hide my erection in really awkward ways because I knew neither of us was ready for sex, and I was afraid she might misinterpret my bodily signal... Oh. Right.. Didn't think of that. You should definitely let your asexual girlfriend know about that. I'd probably get confused if i was her. Just tell her casually and be chill about it. Sometimes words don't come out of your mouth, i know. Even if she's ace or not, she'll probably keep it to herself and not say a thing if she's uncomfortable. If she's comfortable then i don't know :/ Tbh, cuddles that doesn't rub with le private parts is way better. If the girl is cuddling your back, that should be easier It's my preference when i get the chance to cuddle with guys. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Janus the Fox Posted November 11, 2017 Share Posted November 11, 2017 Yes, both me and the boyfriend can get erections away from being together, his though is much more common when w are together. There's never a time he isn't thinking of me and aroused when apart from each other, I don't share the same affection or sexual attraction. We are both able to get adequately aroused through sex, taking a lot longer for me, the gesture is a romantic one for me. I find it personally amusing the boyfriend is consistently erect and wet in my presence, finding me sexy, beautiful and hot, my physical self and that of the spiritual animal self. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
everywhere and nowhere Posted November 11, 2017 Share Posted November 11, 2017 When I think about such stuff, I'm even more glad that I don't have a penis. While having a female body is not perfect either (I don't like my boobs and wish they were teenie weenie tiny), I just feel sick when I try to imagine having things such as "morning wood" or ejaculation. Totally disgusting. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Philip027 Posted November 11, 2017 Share Posted November 11, 2017 It shouldn't be a problem for most. Just be upfront about your intentions (or lack of them) Maybe most teenagers wouldn't get it, but by adulthood most of us understand that bodies are wont to do what they want, not necessarily coinciding with your will. Quote Mostly because my then-boyfriend told me that it is extremely uncomfortable for a guy to have an erection and not do anything about it, and that it wouldn't go away unless something was done. Yeah, he was bullshitting you to try to get sex, unfortunately. Like the Viagra commercials have infamously informed us, erections that don't go away are signs of a medical issue (but even then, I still think he was just bullshitting you) Also for what it's worth, I've had them before, I've had them go away (without "doing anything about it"), there was absolutely no discomfort. Some pathetic guys unfortunately play up the whole "blue balls" thing to be way more painful than it probably actually is in an effort to get "sympathy sex" (which falls flat when the rest of us realize that if it were really that problematic, they would just masturbate and fix it on their own) 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
The Terrible Travis Posted November 11, 2017 Share Posted November 11, 2017 11 hours ago, Mermaidy said: since an erection would more or less happen for 2 reasons: 1-cuddling is stimulating because of the rubbing 2-cuddling is stimulating because of the attraction I would think that any asexual would only possibly be uncomfortable with the latter because the first is really out of one's control. I still think the majority of asexuals (and people in general) are understanding of the fact that because they're dating a nonasexual person then he/she is sexually attracted, but that doesn't really matter as long as everyone is being respectful. I dunno, I personally would be pretty uncomfortable feeling any erection on me, regardless of whether it's caused by sexual attraction or simple stimulation. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Enne Kristin Posted November 11, 2017 Share Posted November 11, 2017 I HATE getting an erection, esp. when wearing a skirt or any tighter clothes. but also when I am presenting neutral or masculine, it is a nuisance. Just hate the little f(r)iend... Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Homer Posted November 11, 2017 Share Posted November 11, 2017 13 hours ago, Spectrogram said: With my ex-girlfriend, I tried to hide my erection in really awkward ways because I knew neither of us was ready for sex, and I was afraid she might misinterpret my bodily signal... Solution: Talk about it. Talking always helped me to clarify these things. Hiding stuff is soooo much more awkward. Getting erections is just a sign thst your body is working as it is supposed to. Personally I'd say that directed arousal would qualify as sexual attraction, even if you wouldn't want to follow with it (tagging @Pramana), but random boners are absolutely a thing. @Mermaidy Both are actually out of someone's control. You don't get to decide who you're attracted to. That term is passive for a reason Quote Link to post Share on other sites
J. van Deijck Posted November 11, 2017 Share Posted November 11, 2017 18 hours ago, Spectrogram said: Those who are asexual and in a relationship with a man: It is weird if your partner gets an erection in your present? Say you are cuddling and then you feel something hard down there, what do you think about that? honestly, I find it quite cute. possibly just because he is my man. :3 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Antihero. Posted November 11, 2017 Share Posted November 11, 2017 . 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Pramana Posted November 11, 2017 Share Posted November 11, 2017 Erections can result incidentally from touch, and can also appear for no discernible reasonable at all. Where an erection is triggered by exposure to sexual thoughts/imagery, a psychological account would suggest that is sexual attraction, although sometimes people will respond physiologically in this way even if they don't mentally resister that attraction. Thus, it has now become common to make a distinction between subjective sexual attraction (requiring the mental element, which may or may not be accompanied by a physiological reaction), and physiological responses to sexual thoughts/imagery which are missing that mental element (sometimes described as an orientation of the body, in which the mind doesn't take part). Currently, psychologists still don't know that much about how the brain distinguishes between sexual and non-sexual input, and for that reason are limited in their ability to provide a satisfactory explanation of what is happening in these cases. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Spectrogram Posted November 12, 2017 Author Share Posted November 12, 2017 On 10.11.2017 at 11:10 PM, Mermaidy said: since an erection would more or less happen for 2 reasons: 1-cuddling is stimulating because of the rubbing 2-cuddling is stimulating because of the attraction Well, I don't know about others, but for me, getting an erection just means I'm excited about someone, and often there are not even any sexual thoughts involved. For example, I was not very used to hugging people a few years ago, but then I met this girl and she was very nice, so I decided I wanted to hug her, and this thought alone gave me an erection... Fortunately I wear rather rigid jeans most of the time; otherwise it would be a huge problem. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Sera1001 Posted November 13, 2017 Share Posted November 13, 2017 On 11/11/2017 at 1:16 PM, Homer said: Getting erections is just a sign thst your body is working as it is supposed to. Personally I'd say that directed arousal would qualify as sexual attraction, even if you wouldn't want to follow with it 0-0 This is surprising to me. Can you clarify and explain it more? What do you mean by directed arousal? Like towards someone's body? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Homer Posted November 13, 2017 Share Posted November 13, 2017 Just now, Sera1001 said: 0-0 This is surprising to me. Can you clarify and explain it more? What do you mean by directed arousal? Like towards someone's body? Directed arousal as in directed at someone specific, in a specific situation. I guess that's "like towards someone's body". Once again, this is just a personal thought, nothing I'd claim to be a fact. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Janus the Fox Posted November 14, 2017 Share Posted November 14, 2017 On 11/11/2017 at 11:39 AM, [noize:injekktion] said: honestly, I find it quite cute. possibly just because he is my man. :3 Yeah, being with a sexual myself, the often regular arousal and erections, in and out of my physical presence pretty much means I'm seen as physically sexy. Can do a lot to affirm or destroy a persons self-confidence, dependent on the asexual really. First for me though, its like a "OMG really" moment the first time, otherwise I need more of a deeper spiritual and fetishistic development going before even be able to sex. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Mermaidy Posted November 14, 2017 Share Posted November 14, 2017 On 11.11.2017 at 5:16 AM, Homer said: @Mermaidy Both are actually out of someone's control. You don't get to decide who you're attracted to. That term is passive for a reason yeah, that was poor wording. I would word it as generally erections from touch happen no matter what the orientation is (so I would argue anyone of any orientation would be able to empathize) Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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