Jump to content

Feeling invalid, in need of guidance.


MostliiGhostii

Recommended Posts

The Gnat (Natalie)

I don't have any great advice, but I can at least offer that I get where you're coming from. I know I'm ace, but I still have a moment at least once a day where my brain is like, 'ok, but what if...' I guess the best thing I can say is that it's okay to just do something that physically feels good without reading too much into it. One other thing I'll mention, in reference to your 'what if I'm not ace and am lying to myself' worry, is from a great post I read a while ago: if you honestly have to ask yourself 'what if I'm faking it?' that's a really good indication that you're not faking it.

  • Like 5
Link to post
Share on other sites

If you're trying to do something to your body that you know will only bring yourself pain and suffering in the hopes that everything you've ever known about yourself is wrong, until you become addicted to it, isn't that self-harm?

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
everywhere and nowhere

Just a little note: it's spelled "mastUrbation". But I admit I generally dislike this word and avoid using it - for me it feels so harsh, brutal...

 

I have similar feelings. A little on the side: self-pleasuring is a situation in which I can feel the distinction between sex-aversion and sex-repulsion. I describe myself as sex-averse, because I'm extremely uncomfortable with the idea of personally having sex, I'm scared, I'm disgusted, I intensely feel that "This. Is. Not. For. Me.", but I'm also autochorissexual, I enjoy imagining a couple (usually lesbian or gay) having sex, so I'm OK with at least some kinds of sexual content as long as they don't include me. However, after self-pleasuring my aversion expands to full-scale repulsion, I feel disgusted over anything sexual... It doesn't last long, but I usually feel frustrated for a while. It feels a bit invalidating, but my frustration has more to do with how much this whole experience is underwhelming. It really feels good "during" this whole act, but then - reaching an orgasm can take a lot of time for me, and the orgasm itself almost always feels very disappointing (I just don't understand the hype over orgasms; when some people say that it's The Greatest Pleasure of all, I can only think: WHAAAAAAAAT??!!!), and then there's this repulsion and the feeling of "Why do I do such stupid and disgusting things?"...

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
37 minutes ago, BritishGentleman said:

Could people end up using this as a form of self harm ???

I don't think this will ever become that common (hopefully), but what you are doing sounds completely self-esteem-based and isn't really "jacking off." If this is another form of self-harm, that would most likely mean you are so uncomfortable with your (a)sexuality that you would rather have physical pain than think about it, and only you can decide if that's true.

I wish you the best of luck, good sir.

Link to post
Share on other sites
12 hours ago, BritishGentleman said:

 

 

And to reply to your statement of “its okay doing something that physically feels good without reading much into it”: Well, I guess the reason why I read a lot into it is because it doesnt really feel good. It may “feel good” to my body for a split moment, but in all honesty it feels gross and shaky and has long lasting stress. So its confusing, and thats why I read into it. However, the more I try to understand the more I learn that its supposed to be relieving and good to others and the more confused I get. Like “do I think it feels good?? What? Why do I do it?”

 

I need something good to relate it to. . . Its kind of like eating something that everyone else really likes, but hating the taste and the after taste. You can eat the thing and you can kinda see why everyone loves the flavour, but you yourself could certainly live without it. But yet you keep eating it because a part of you is convience you like it.

 

im thinking of the same thing

Link to post
Share on other sites
EggplantWitch

If you can find one who is clued up on asexual issues (which I freely admit is easier said than done) talking to a therapist might be a good idea. Doing something that distresses you and yet feeling unable to stop is a horrible, horrible sensation, and it sounds like you have some other related issues that would benefit from talking them out with a professional (I mean this with nothing but kindness - I see a therapist myself).

Link to post
Share on other sites
everywhere and nowhere

I have no experience of therapists for adults (I've only visited a psychologist due to behavioral problems as I child - din't work well anyway because I was very distrustful), so it's hard for me to judge. But how could a therapist react if someone said things like: "But I don't want to embrace them! Sexual repression is my lifestyle choice!"?

Link to post
Share on other sites

I get where you're coming from. A lot of the time I think "What if I'm just a repressed sexual? What if I'm lying to myself? What if I'm subconsciously trying to be special?

As for the masturbation thing, you might already realize this but: being aroused doesn't mean you're not ace. It only means you have a libido. You seems to know yourself and your identity very well, so you have that as an advantage. I think everyone doubts themselves sometimes, so it's normal to have feelings like that. And lastly, you can get through this. I believe in you.

(sorry if any of that seemed condescending! I have a bad habit of sounding like that sometimes)

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...