Feminine Expression

[Guest]

I have worked through a lot of my issues by seeing a psychotherapist but there is one issue I still struggle with that I want to hear some input on.

 

I would describe myself as gender fluid, although my two sides fight each other sometimes. Today I'm really hating my feminine side for example; I feel disgusted by it. This puts me in a quite horrible mood.

 

The trouble is that I can feel really girly sometimes but really hate expressing it. Some men are happy to dress that way, and I used to privately at times, but these days it doesn't work at all for me. I just feel very aware of my male body and so can't see the point. It makes me want to push the feelings away but they return. I'm not sure what to do with them.  

 

The constant struggle leaves me sad and down a lot of the time and I just want it to stop. It affects my life in so many ways and I don't want to be around people because of it.

[Luftschlosseule]

I, too, am genderfluid between woman and agender. I love my long hair, always wanted it to be like this, but I am not always happy with it, or my breasts, or my feminine silhuette... do you have these weird days on which you shift every half an hour and don't know what to do to ease the bad feelings because you could be changing clothes every few minutes?

 

You're not alone with this.

[Guest]

Oh yes, it fluctuates a lot. It really messes with my head. I just feel like sleeping to switch my brain off.

 

Could you imagine if a guy dressed all girly and pretty in skirts and dresses?! They'd be laughed at so so much. This really sucks. I'd actually prefer to have a female body because mostly that's how I want to dress and express myself. It sure makes me sad.

[Guest]

*Waves* Pangender and Genderfluid person here ^^ 

 

I am super duper feminine and express myself that way by wearing jfashion that does allow me to wear pinks and pastels. When not wearing jfashion i stick to prints and lots of beads and super feminine purses, make-up and nailpolish. In my male days i just wear plain colors but i'll always be feminine. It's totally okay to want to express yourself in such a feminine way. I don't express myself privately either but out in the open because i need to be able to be myself. I do prefer my female body because it's easier to express myself that way. I think it's good to find a balance in what you're comfortable with and how you'd like to express yourself without feeling too overwhelmed.

[Guest]

Thanks for the input, @Jayce. It's good to hear you're able to express yourself.

[K.I.N.G]

I am so fucking relieved i'm not the only one feeling like this though I'm truly regretful you have to as agreed it is can be very depressing to deal with *hugs*

 

 I am very feminine personality wise and so feel like I should compensate for that by acting overly masculine... It's really only been over this past weeks that i've realised that once i can start at least passing as more masculine that i'll hopefully be able to comfortably express my femininity without feeling disgusted or "not trans enough".

 

For me I worry that it stems from an internalised unconscious masochistic view but then it could also just be that feminine feels goes against everything else i feel and so the experience just does not fit into that to any degree leading to a form of dysphoria.

 

I don't have any tips on how to deal with it except to try and do something that makes you feel more masculine - for me personally this is working out but it could be anything.  

 

Best of luck! I hope you find your own way to get though it to a more content place.

[Amathy]

@The Unknown Warrior  Have you tried being subtle about adding more feminine touches to your outfits?  There are a lot of clothing being sold out of men's departments that have historically been considered more feminine.  For instance, pastel shirts, bright coloured coats, or plaid that incorporates pink.  I have a base set of clothes that are androgynous.  Then depending how I feel on a certain day, I can incorporate an article of clothing that is slightly more feminine or slightly more masculine.  Though is is worth noting that by doing this I am almost perceived as gay or lesbian due to stereotypes.  

[Guest]

3 hours ago, Amathy said:

@The Unknown Warrior  Have you tried being subtle about adding more feminine touches to your outfits?  There are a lot of clothing being sold out of men's departments that have historically been considered more feminine.  For instance, pastel shirts, bright coloured coats, or plaid that incorporates pink.  I have a base set of clothes that are androgynous.  Then depending how I feel on a certain day, I can incorporate an article of clothing that is slightly more feminine or slightly more masculine.  Though is is worth noting that by doing this I am almost perceived as gay or lesbian due to stereotypes.  

It's not so much about the colours and more the actual clothes I would wear if I could. I wear lilac and pink coloured clothing already so have added feminine colours. It's one of those times I can accept it won't happen but then not being my true self means my body, mind and soul aren't in alignment and that is what causes the dysphoria. That's hard to live with and may one day force me to end things. I'm asking for the impossible here really with my thread.

 

14 hours ago, I Am Mel said:

I am so fucking relieved i'm not the only one feeling like this though I'm truly regretful you have to as agreed it is can be very depressing to deal with *hugs*

 

 I am very feminine personality wise and so feel like I should compensate for that by acting overly masculine... It's really only been over this past weeks that i've realised that once i can start at least passing as more masculine that i'll hopefully be able to comfortably express my femininity without feeling disgusted or "not trans enough".

 

For me I worry that it stems from an internalised unconscious masochistic view but then it could also just be that feminine feels goes against everything else i feel and so the experience just does not fit into that to any degree leading to a form of dysphoria.

 

I don't have any tips on how to deal with it except to try and do something that makes you feel more masculine - for me personally this is working out but it could be anything.  

 

Best of luck! I hope you find your own way to get though it to a more content place.

I think we may be coming from opposite ends with this because I was born male.

[Copal_0]

On 11/10/2017 at 8:25 AM, The Unknown Warrior said:

I have worked through a lot of my issues by seeing a psychotherapist but there is one issue I still struggle with that I want to hear some input on.

 

I would describe myself as gender fluid, although my two sides fight each other sometimes. Today I'm really hating my feminine side for example; I feel disgusted by it. This puts me in a quite horrible mood.

 

The trouble is that I can feel really girly sometimes but really hate expressing it. Some men are happy to dress that way, and I used to privately at times, but these days it doesn't work at all for me. I just feel very aware of my male body and so can't see the point. It makes me want to push the feelings away but they return. I'm not sure what to do with them.  

 

The constant struggle leaves me sad and down a lot of the time and I just want it to stop. It affects my life in so many ways and I don't want to be around people because of it.

 I feel similar, but for me sometimes I feel he/him sometimes I feel they/them, if I feel feminine it's usually like feminine trying to be masculine (if that makes sense. Through dress I try to express myself as neutrally as possible , but for me everything skews masculine on the gender neutral side. I'm also into a lot of traditionally feminine activities.

 

 I also identify with what you're saying about your body. I feel something similar at times when I look in the mirror. 

[K.I.N.G]

On 13/11/2017 at 12:45 PM, The Unknown Warrior said:

I think we may be coming from opposite ends with this because I was born male.

Ah excuse me should have paid more attention

[Janus the Fox]

Same area of gender fluidity roughly, agender male, mostly masculine presenting, at times I'd feel very mildly feminine, love to dress much more female during those times.  In private I'd like to dress differently, or I'd like to go to a hop to covertly try something female on.  During this fluidity, if different, I can feel desiring no or quite different genitals or feel I got different genitals already.

 

My psychotherapist can't quite discern the difference, pointing it toward a more fetishistic motivation or the result of an active hypo-manic episode through my mood stabilizing treatment, being an autistic adult.  Otherwise the fluidity is majority of time on a zero point, the agender point that fluctuates to feminine majority of the time.  I've always warn male clothes, is what I grew up with, I don't have much physical connection with the masculine me, apart of the rare times I do feel gender correct with the body.

 

There isn't any gender preference personally or socially for me majority of the time.