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Anxiety and Romantic Tension


AndanteCantabile

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AndanteCantabile

So I skimmed through an archived thread about romantic (not sexual!) tension. I've been experiencing it a lot recently, and it's been making my anxiety really, really bad. I have no idea what to do - I can't even be around the person anymore, which is really depressing! Advice? (I'm pretty sure it's one -way romantic tension...)

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Hi there!

 

I don't know if I exactly have advice, but I can most definitely relate. I at times feel a "romantic tension" I guess one can say when I'm developing what I would describe as a crush. Often it makes me very uncomfortable because I'm simply not used to having a lot of my attention drawn to one person that isn't myself. I have experienced not wanting to be around a person after this point because of the frustration that I feel due to my own sexual confusion, as well as not being used to feeling that type of way. This is somewhat lame advice but I think what helps me is telling the person how I feel, that is if I feel the person is open and I am close enough to them to explain how I feel towards them. Through this I also have to explain that though I do like them, though I'm not ready for a relationship beyond friendship (because that means SEX, and I'm not about that life) this can either go well, or it can end the relationship, but either way I find it to be a big relief to just say how I'm feeling. In other cases (depending on the person) its easier for me to just be their friend and simply see them less often than I normally would, just to feel less discomfort on my part. 

 

On a side note if I feel like these feelings are taking a lot out of me, and the other person cannot understand that I like them without wanting an intimate physical relationship than I do find it easier to end the relationship. Though it is a bummer, it does save me a lot more heart ache than if I forced myself into something I didn't want. I hope this helps a little bit. I myself am still struggling with the same issue, but this is often how I handle it. 

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What exactly is romantic tension? I've tried to search the forums but not getting any results.

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  • 2 weeks later...
AndanteCantabile
On 11/11/2017 at 2:36 PM, Astryda said:

What exactly is romantic tension? I've tried to search the forums but not getting any results.

It's when you feel a little nervous and uncomfortable when you're in the presence of someone you'd really like to hug/cuddle with/etc. For me personally, a lot of that tension is due to the fact that I tend to fight against those feelings. I'm demiromantic, and I've only felt romantic tension around one person. It's someone I work with,  so it's understandable that I'd want to keep my work and personal lives separate. I guess the key differentiating factor between romantic and sexual tension is that there isn't any inclination towards sexual interaction at all. 

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