Asexual, heteroromantic or something else?

[kobakashi]

Hi, so this is my first post here, and I'm a little new to explaining myself when it comes to sensitive topics.

 

I'm having a little bit of trouble working out exactly how I feel when it comes to sexuality. I apologize in advance if I make no sense or make wrong assumptions!

 

So anyway, I'm now 19 (male), and have previously been in a relationship almost 4 years ago now. I have had sex in the past and I guess as a 15 y/o back then it was a great thing. However, over the last 2+ years, my view on sex and the way I feel about others has changed. I personally long for companionship, and someone that I can share life with, someone I can care about, someone I can talk to - so basically I want a relationship with someone. Now, I'm only attracted in that sense to females, and have no attraction to males at all, be it in a relationship sense or sexually.

 

My problem is, that I'm quite confused when it comes to sex. I personally reject the idea of actually doing it, but I  normally don't mind the idea of sex itself (like I'm not fussed if I dream of having it, for example). However, seeing anything sexual with others, such as kissing, or girls dressing in sexual manners really upsets me and disgusts me to the point I completely reject it. But then, pornography doesn't phase me at all, and things like masturbation and arousal from pornography also doesn't bother me, and is normal to me.

 

I am usually attracted to girls based on their appearance, and while I will have some immediate sexual thoughts, I'll try to ignore them and focus on a more companionship-based feeling. I've never had great social skills, so the idea of ever getting anyway with them usually stops me from wanting to feel anything else for them. Regardless of this, I still like to think of the possibility of a relationship with them.

 

Although I have said I reject the idea of having sex, I'm sure that if I did ever fall in love with someone, I could tolerate it if they so much wanted to do it.

 

I've known that asexuality exists for some time, but have only recently researched it, and discovered a few other terms. 

 

If anyone could offer me some guidance on exactly what the way I feel is called, or if I need to discover myself a little more before I can actually figure out what sexuality I am.

 

Thanks in advance! 

[TheAP]

Asexuality is the lack of sexual attraction to others. Masturbating or getting aroused from porn doesn't disqualify you, as long as you don't actually desire sex with anyone. So you could very well be asexual.

[Puck]

So, to be clear, you do not have any desire to participate in partnered sex nor would you want to have a partnership that includes sex in the future?

 

If so, then asexuality could very well be the label that works best for you.

[kobakashi]

I don't have any desire to seek sex, no. But the fact that I could tolerate it if I had to, makes me question if I am asexual, if that makes sense.

[roland.o]

On 11/11/2017 at 8:22 PM, kobakashi said:

But the fact that I could tolerate it if I had to, makes me question if I am asexual, if that makes sense.

Well, that's no reason to question. Asexuals can compromise to have sex for their partner's sake, and they can even enjoy making their partner happy that way, and they still remain asexuals. It's the orientation that counts. Think of homosexuals that enter a heterosexual relationship to blend in with society, who have sex and raise children together... they're still homosexuals. Their orientation doesn't change because of their lifestyle.

[kobakashi]

That makes sense. I just thought that if an asexual person were to have sex, it would technically make them hetero/homosexual. 

 

I don't have a partner, and it doesn't look like that is going to change any time soon, so it's not a massive thing to worry about right now I guess. I just don't like the confusion that I have over my sexuality. 

 

23 minutes ago, roland.o said:

Their orientation doesn't change because of their lifestyle.

This is something I never thought about.