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Frustration At Not Being Able To Discuss In Person


Fighting_For_Us

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Fighting_For_Us

I love having deep, thoughtful conversations with people. Ones where we're actually thinking about and sharing opinions instead of just shooting the breeze.

Having these kinds of conversations in person are the best, but over texting of some form is great too.

And recently I came out as grey-ace to three of my Church/youth leaders. Two if them I had to explain what it was which I didn't mind, and one of them was already familiar to the concept to my surprise.

I was supposed to meet one of the leaders yesterday for coffee so we could chat and I was very exited because I knew she was going to ask me about asexuality and it would be the first time I've really gotten to talk about it in person.

Well the person ended up getting sick and had to cancel, so now I've got this pent up excitement and I just really wish I could talk to someone in person.

 

Do you all like talking to people about this sort of thing in person or over text/email?

 

 

I even had a dream last night where another ace I know and I were at a park eating candy, watching children, and talking about being ace.

 

Maybe I'm just lonely?

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I've never told or talked to anyone irl. I have had a few times I have wanted too. But I don't have any friends that I trust that much and my family and friends have said some things that have made me not want to say anything. I have come out online, but I suck at spelling and grammar and it makes me even more shy, than I am.

Maybe when your friend feels better, you can meet up. 

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The Gnat (Natalie)

I think this is more of an introvert characteristic than an ace characteristic, generally, but I totally agree. I hate getting myself psyched up for some kind of social interaction and then having it get cancelled because it takes so much mental preparation to get ready for something like that, and then, like you said, I don't know what to do with the excess energy. I definitely prefer having deep conversations in person, though. There are a few people I feel like I can have them with over text, but for the most part it doesn't feel as deep or meaningful.

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I understand how you feel, I also enjoy talking, having deep and meaningful converstations and interesting debates with people in real life. I don't mind chatting with people online, but it doesn't feel the same than to do it with the person in front of you. I think I miss the facial expressions and body language, which is probably why I tend to overuse emojis online... I think that's also why I'm not much online (though I'm making an effort for this forum, it's the first time I really take the time to be active on a forum!). 

 

So I understand your frustration at not being able to talk directly to your friend! I hope you were able to chat with someone else :) Sometimes I just start talking to random people when I need to chat too much (well, in specific settings, such as waiting in a line, waiting at the stable, waiting in a parc...). I'm not certain I would specifically talk about asexuality with random people, but I definitely would like to talk more about it with my friends, to answer their questions and such (which, in turn, would also help me understand my asexuality better, I feel). 

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Deeper, more thoughtful conversation is very fulfilling to me, but most of the time I can't find anyone to do this with, even online. Whenever I do find someone for a while, it never lasts - they're usually too busy in some way to maintain the discussion. So I don't know if it's helpful to you, but I'd always be interested to have a talk via PM on here. I hope you get a chance to talk with your church leader soon! :) 

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There are pros and cons to both, I suppose - in person you get the chance to just let it all hang out and say exactly what's on your mind, and with email you get the chance to reflect a bit more and try to find out exactly what you mean to say in the right words. But it must be frustrating when you were looking forward to talking to someone and then they can't make it for some reason.

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This thread was about the exact inverse of what it sounded like it would be about >_>

 

Personally, I don't particularly like actually vocally talking out loud with most people.  It's a lot more impromptu and doesn't really give me the chance to "proofread" what I say.  From my understanding though, it's a fairly common Aspie trait to feel this way.

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Fighting_For_Us
On 11/8/2017 at 0:00 PM, The Gnat (Natalie) said:

I think this is more of an introvert characteristic than an ace characteristic, generally, but I totally agree. I hate getting myself psyched up for some kind of social interaction and then having it get cancelled because it takes so much mental preparation to get ready for something like that, and then, like you said, I don't know what to do with the excess energy. I definitely prefer having deep conversations in person, though. There are a few people I feel like I can have them with over text, but for the most part it doesn't feel as deep or meaningful.

The funny thing is I'm actually pretty extroverted. In this case it was more that I was exited to actually get to talk to someone about asexuality, something I haven't really been able to speak of out loud before because of my situation.

 

On 11/8/2017 at 0:48 PM, bonny said:

I don't know if it's helpful to you, but I'd always be interested to have a talk via PM on here. I hope you get a chance to talk with your church leader soon! :) 

Thank you,  I may take you up on that sometime!

And fortunately her and I have rescheduled to next Tuesday too meet up. :)

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