Possible Gray-Ace (Graphic Descriptions)

[rallyprint]

I've been learning more about myself in the past few years, and I think I might be asexual. I asked around on the asexual subreddit, and they said I could be gray-asexual. I'm going into slightly graphic detail here, so be warned.

 

Here's the deal: I'm a guy, and in my early thirties. I love making out and cuddling with women. Sex doesn't appeal to me much. Here's the catch: I've never had actual sex (late bloomer), so I can't be sure of this. But the idea doesn't excite me. Watching sex in porn does nothing for me. I actually find it slightly disgusting.

 

I've received hand jobs and blow jobs. I didn't like either of them that much. I have stimulated women with my hand, which I find more enjoyable.

 

I do have a fetish for women wearing nylon tights or pantyhose. For me, the absolute best is making out with a woman while she's wearing these. It's something I've loved doing with my previous partners. I like making out with a woman regardless of what she's wearing, but this is a strong preference. The naked human body doesn't interest me. I think people look better with clothes on.

 

But the fetish means there's a sexual aspect of some kind. Plus, even though I don't like getting hand jobs, I enjoy bringing a woman to orgasm. This is where I fall into the gray category, I guess.

 

If I am gray-asexual, what do I do? My girlfriends so far haven't been bothered by my preferences, so maybe I'm fine as is. But I can see it being hard if I'm with someone who really enjoys sex. I can't rule out that I would enjoy it, either. I know there are some asexual dating sites, but they don't seem to have that many users. I don't want to limit my options unnecessarily. And I don't think I'd be that bothered if a future girlfriend wanted sex, as long as she didn't want it that often. If she had no interest in receiving orgasm for me, I think I'd be okay with it, but I'm not 100% sure. It's still a learning process for me.

 

Sorry if this sounds sort of aimless. I'm not really sure how I feel about this. It doesn't bother me, exactly, but it's tough for me to wrap my head around the idea that I can be asexual while still being turned on by something. This might explain why it took me so long to get sexually involved; on some level, the idea just didn't interest me, so I avoided it.

[SamwiseLovesLife]

17 minutes ago, rallyprint said:

I'm a guy, and in my early thirties. I love making out and cuddling with women. Sex doesn't appeal to me much. Here's the catch: I've never had actual sex (late bloomer), so I can't be sure of this. But the idea doesn't excite me. Watching sex in porn does nothing for me. I actually find it slightly disgusting.

In my oppinion this sounds pretty legit Ace to me, no grey needed. I always thought that sex would 'awaken my sexuality' or some crap like that and I promise, I was wrong. If you don't want sex or feel drawn to people for sexual things then I'd go with Ace. Cuddling can mean either romantic attraction or platonic, depending on the intent behind it

[SamwiseLovesLife]

18 minutes ago, rallyprint said:

I've received hand jobs and blow jobs. I didn't like either of them that much. I have stimulated women with my hand, which I find more enjoyable.

Again, pretty asexual, just not sex-repulsed. You could easily be a sex-neutral asexual who enjoys giving pleasure but not recieving. The giving pleasure could also be part of being closer romantically/sensually to a person rather than any desire to be sexual.

 

21 minutes ago, rallyprint said:

I do have a fetish for women wearing nylon tights or pantyhose. For me, the absolute best is making out with a woman while she's wearing these.

Maybe an aestetic appeal? I mean, does it turn you on sexually or just enjoy it in other ways?

 

22 minutes ago, rallyprint said:

And I don't think I'd be that bothered if a future girlfriend wanted sex, as long as she didn't want it that often. If she had no interest in receiving orgasm for me, I think I'd be okay with it, but I'm not 100% sure.

^ More sex-neutral ace stuff in my opinion

 

23 minutes ago, rallyprint said:

It doesn't bother me, exactly, but it's tough for me to wrap my head around the idea that I can be asexual while still being turned on by something. This might explain why it took me so long to get sexually involved; on some level, the idea just didn't interest me, so I avoided it.

Tell me about it! Seriously I relate to all this so no worries x Don't stress, just take some more time exploring and maybe learn ways to explain to potential partners how you feel in relation to sex

[rallyprint]

7 minutes ago, SamwiseLovesLife said:

Again, pretty asexual, just not sex-repulsed. You could easily be a sex-neutral asexual who enjoys giving pleasure but not recieving. The giving pleasure could also be part of being closer romantically/sensually to a person rather than any desire to be sexual.

 

Maybe an aestetic appeal? I mean, does it turn you on sexually or just enjoy it in other ways?

 

^ More sex-neutral ace stuff in my opinion

 

Tell me about it! Seriously I relate to all this so no worries x Don't stress, just take some more time exploring and maybe learn ways to explain to potential partners how you feel in relation to sex

Thanks for the kind response!

 

I can't really explain the tights/pantyhose fetish, though seeing a woman in them is definitely arousing for me. I love feeling a woman's body through the fabric. I guess they're sort of de-sexualizing in a weird way, since they completely cover the genitals. I don't have anything against stockings (thigh high or knee high), but they don't have the same effect on me. Fishnets and footless don't do a whole lot for me. I also find it more arousing if the woman's wearing panties under her nylons. Hope that's not too much info.

 

But this does give me another reason to really enjoy the autumn/winter months! There probably is an aesthetic quality to it, too. 

 

Like I said, I've been pretty lucky with my partners so far. I'm a little worried about future partners (I'm single ATM), since I know this isn't the most appealing trait. I'm definitely willing to try sex. I think it'd only be a real problem if she wants it frequently. I do get some anxieties about unintended pregnancy, though I know the risk is pretty remote if condoms and birth control pills are used. 

[SamwiseLovesLife]

8 minutes ago, rallyprint said:

Like I said, I've been pretty lucky with my partners so far. I'm a little worried about future partners (I'm single ATM), since I know this isn't the most appealing trait. I'm definitely willing to try sex. I think it'd only be a real problem if she wants it frequently. I do get some anxieties about unintended pregnancy, though I know the risk is pretty remote if condoms and birth control pills are used. 

In my experience with women (wow this really is a tmi topic) most are okay with you using toys etc rather than just your body, so if you're not wanting to have genital to gential contact all the time you could comprimise with toys, make it a fun thing so she can enjoy the benifits of items designed for sexual pleasure. Just a thought

[OldSoul]

Hi there, Rally! You sound asexual to me! Non-sex repulsed, sure, but that describes A  LOT of people here!  
And you can be romantic without being sexual. The act of stimulating a lady could be an affectionate one for you, and doesn't rule out asexuality, or even make you grey. Lots of asexuals like to please their partners.
As for the pantyhose- I wouldn't worry about that, either.
You don't need to "check every box" to identify as something, and it could surely be an aesthetic thing.
I use the word agastopia. Fixation on a certain trait. You can really like the way something looks, be 'attracted' to it, and it still just makes you want to cuddle/kiss, and not do the whole thing. 
Welcome to AVEN! and thank you for sharing here. 

[rallyprint]

7 hours ago, OldSoul said:

Hi there, Rally! You sound asexual to me! Non-sex repulsed, sure, but that describes A  LOT of people here!  
And you can be romantic without being sexual. The act of stimulating a lady could be an affectionate one for you, and doesn't rule out asexuality, or even make you grey. Lots of asexuals like to please their partners.
As for the pantyhose- I wouldn't worry about that, either.
You don't need to "check every box" to identify as something, and it could surely be an aesthetic thing.
I use the word agastopia. Fixation on a certain trait. You can really like the way something looks, be 'attracted' to it, and it still just makes you want to cuddle/kiss, and not do the whole thing. 
Welcome to AVEN! and thank you for sharing here. 

Happy to be here! Is that a Mike Mignola drawing as your avatar? I've always been a fan of his style.

 

I'm pretty sure it's not just an aesthetic thing, since there's too much of a sexual/arousal aspect, but I can accept it being part of the ace-gray thing. I do enjoy seeing the contours of a woman's body.

 

I think all I can do is just be open and willing to compromise with any future partners. I'm not at all interested in one-night stands, so hopefully mutual fondness will carry us through. That's been the case so far, but I'm feeling a bit self-conscious after realizing this about myself.