Just your normal confusion

[Emi Rose]

Hallo! Emi Rose here, a newbie and a potential ace! I came here to ask some questions that I wish you, my fellow explorers of sexuality and identity, could answer.

 

Here goes:

1. I'm only 19 years old and don't have any experience with sex or relationships. I feel repulsed when I think about myself having sex with men, I don't want to do it. With women I think I'd like to try. I also dream of a romantic relationship but when I see couples in public I feel really uncomfortable and if I don't initiate it I can't handle physical contact like hugs and holding hands. Could I be called asexual? And do I have a future with relationships if sex is impossible for me, at least with men?

2. About kissing. I've kissed my good female friend a couple of times because she asked me and I've given my parents pecks on the lips. I'm repulsed by both. But I've never kissed anyone I have liked romantically. Does it feel any different then? Any experiences? Should I give up on kissing altogether? 'Cos I have a feeling deep kissing will make me vomit

3. I've had several crushes in my life, around 4 or 5, all men and, tbh, assholes. So I don't have a good image about romantic love. But it has never developed into anything deeper, even with time. It has stayed a crush. Has anyone had similar experiences of not being able to fall in love but to have crushes?

 

Sorry if these questions sound stupid XD

[Welsh Ace]

Welcome to AVEN.

Youre questions do not sound stupid, don't worry about that.  I am afraid that I can only help you with the first question and say that you do sound asexual and could be called that. You can still have a relationship with men or indeed women and not have sex. Many asexual people manage to do that. Being asexual does not mean you have to be alone or cannot have relationships. Not at all.

Sorry I cannot help with the other two questions but I am aromantic or maybe demiromantic. Either way I have never kissed anyone romantically nor have I had any cruches.

[roland.o]

Hello Emi Rose, welcome to the AVEN forums. Have some cake...

 

On 11/8/2017 at 0:05 AM, Emi Rose said:

Could I be called asexual?

Nothing you wrote speaks against it. But it's for you to decide whether your interest could actually turn into desire or sexual attraction.

 

On 11/8/2017 at 0:05 AM, Emi Rose said:

Should I give up on kissing altogether? 'Cos I have a feeling deep kissing will make me vomit

As long as you feel that way, don't do it. It could be that romantic attraction makes you feel different about it. But there's no guarantee. Don't bother with kissing unless you're really into it.

 

On 11/8/2017 at 0:05 AM, Emi Rose said:

But it has never developed into anything deeper, even with time.

Would you expect that over time, you'd fall in love with an asshole? Lucky for you if you don't :-)

 

Cheers and all the best!

[MostliiGhostii]

Hello darling!!

 

I certainly believe you can call yourself asexual, has you have dont really seem to experience sexual attraction.

 

I personally think you have a future with relationships lacking sex, with a male or female partner. I dont know you well, but it seems like you lean towards some romantic actions and aren’t afraid to experiement with romantic ways to see what suits you. There are plenty of people who may fit your quotas and get along with you just fine.

 

I’m not here to tell you what you are or aren’t, but instead I’m here to help you find validation and security. Based on what you said I think you should look up different romantic identidies as well as queerplatonic relationships.

 

I hope some of this helps!

have a lovely day<3

[anlin]

Hello!
I can answer a bit of your second question, I have some experiences regarding that. When I kissed someone for the first time I did not have any romantic feelings towards that person. I remember thinking "is this it?" because I thought it was nowhere near what I had expected after hearing my friends talk about it, seeing it in movies and having read about it in books. I just thought it was wet and slippery and not nice at all. I kissed a few more people after that and I think I can say that the first person wasn't a very good kisser. It was a bit better with other people but still not very nice. 

 

And then I kissed someone I had romantic feelings for and it felt really really awkward. Because I still didn't like it. Still just wet and slippery and a bit like there were snails in my mouth (the other person's lips and tounge). And I was a bit sad because I had thought it would be completely different when I kissed someone I really liked and wanted to like to kiss. And I thought that something was wrong since I had the strong feeling that I didn't feel what I was supposed to feel.

 

This was before I realized I'm asexual and even knew that it existed. I haven't kissed anyone since I then and I have no interest in doing it again either. I assume this can be very different for different people so I can't tell you that this is how you'll feel too. But chances are you will since you desribed that you think you won't like it. You could of course give it another try, but if you feel like you don't want to, you shouldn't feel the need to.