I'm New & Confused ... sorta.

[OperationalWolf]

So. I've been this guy who in life doesn't really care much about Relationships. I am at my teenage years and truly I've been through a lot of hard times throughout my years as this guy who doesn't really seem to fit into having Friends and again Relationships -- why? It's just how I've been since my childhood. I don't really have this ideal to experience the things that I've never had before because I never seemed to care that much.

 

In rare occasions; I had this feeling of crushes towards some friends I know -- but as it happens to many guys like myself, they didn't really share the same feelings towards me. It made me weak and depressing to have these crushes because I knew for a fact that it's hard to find a girl who shares the same things about you. After a while -- I slowly came in this isolation realization that "What's the point of Relationships? It's just ... not my thing." I had people that I know helped and advised me that "Don't worry -- you'll find someone someday." Those words really didn't affect me nor gave me a reason to continue this ideal.

 

So. I practically realized there is no point of Loving, Feeling for another person. I am the one who has to just fake my emotions and fake everything how I feel "My day is awesome! ... bla bla bla." And I never really got a chance to ask my Counselor at School that "Am I Asexual?"

 

Sorry for the depressing story -- but It's just how I go, also seriously though; "Am I Asexual?"

 

[Laplace]

Hey, welcome 🍰🙂. As a child of divorced parents, I understand your pessimism in regards to relationships. Sure I have a few friends and I was never really alone in school, but I’m a relatively isolated person who doesn’t disclose much emotions. Cause of all the distress that my parents and family experienced due to divorce, I had a negative view of romance and relationships. Like why bother when it seems so transient? To this day, I still haven’t dated or had sex (23 y.o.). I’m not nearly as cynical about it all as I was, but I remain a very private individual. 🤫

 

I definitely understand when you say you have little desire to experience new things cause you don’t really care about them. I’m perfectly fine with living a “boring,” peaceful life. All I want is to live comfortably and have some fun with my family and stuff, nothing crazy. Unfortunately, my lack of motivation is really hurting me now and I’m seeing a therapist in case I have chronic depression; don’t rule out the possibility that you’re depressed cause it really is a serious condition that can ruin your life. I was an ace honors student but I can’t seem to move on in life largely because I hardly crave much beyond nice food, a warm bed, hanging out with my family, and playing video games. When you think about it, desiring to impress someone, desiring a relationship, is probably a big motivator for people to try and be successful. 🧐

 

Anyways, hopefully the hard times get better for you. It’s ultimately up to you whether you decide if asexuality fits you or not. I feel like it’s especially concerning for guys cause we’re often expected to prioritize romance and sex, but we are who we are and there’s no need to conform to that notion.

[Snao Cone]

Hi there and welcome!

 

What you're describing seems to be more tied in with romantic orientation than sexual orientation. These two things are often intertwined and assumed to be the same thing, because most people will have them match up - for example, someone who wants to have sex with the opposite gender and also wants romantic relationships with the opposite gender will simply be "straight" without having to separate the romantic part from the sexual part.

 

However, when they don't line up, or when either of them seems to be "missing" it gets trickier. Some people do want relationships with other people, and they get crushes and fall in love and all that sort of stuff, but still in spite of that they don't have any intrinsic personal need to make sex a part of that. These people may identify as romantic asexuals.

 

Other people don't want relationships with other people because they don't find they get strong "crushes" or fall in love or have any desire to be in a romantic relationship. This is aromanticism. Some people can be aromantic and still have the sexual needs and desires and orientation towards particular genders, etc, and they may identify as aromantic sexuals.

 

And of course there is an overlap between aromantic people and asexual people, which is the category I'm in. If you simply don't feel any inclination to pursue romantic or sexual relationships because it just doesn't feel intrinsically what you want or need, then that could be both aromantic and asexual. There are many people here who are aromantic asexuals and perfectly happy with that - though since we're all taught from the beginning of our socialization, and pressured throughout various stages of life, that sex and romance are part of the human condition, it's also common for people in these categories to feel isolated and pressured to fake things as you have shared with us here.

 

tl;dr: it sounds like you're aromantic, and you could be asexual too, and that's all perfectly fine.

[OperationalWolf]

On 11/9/2017 at 4:20 AM, Snao Cone said:

tl;dr: it sounds like you're aromantic, and you could be asexual too, and that's all perfectly fine.

Thanks for that response and I do apologize for responding late (busy and all).

 

-OperationalWolf.