Am I Too Young to Know?

[Dimity]

Hello! This is my first post on this website, so I hope I'm doing this right.

 

I'm fifteen. Ever since I was a little girl, I found myself acting a bit different than everyone else. I never really sought out boys (Or girls) in a romantic sense. I dreamed of love and romance, but I would get incredibly uncomfortable whenever someone actually gave me any attention in such a way. I never had any sexual attraction, and this only grew as I got older. Once I began having PTSD regarding rape and molestation I'd experienced, my sex drive and desire for romance dropped even further.

 

I've had discussions with my peers where they tell me that they're attracted to people, they are capable of being turned on, they've successfully masturbated, etc., but I haven't ever been successfully stimulated or interested in people. They've told me that they're open to one day having sex and find the idea appealing to them, but I'm repulsed by the thought of anyone making sexual advantages towards me. It makes me legitimately cringe.

 

It was only when I had my first relationship that I became more open to romantic advances from others, but the idea of the relationship outweighed my actual investment in it physically. I refused to let him kiss me, cuddle me, etc. due to how uncomfortable I became. I loved the idea of the romantic aspect of things, but I wasn't acting upon anything. I became increasingly comfortable around him, but it ended before I really let anything happen. I don't know how far I would've let him take it. (Please note that I mean romantically as opposed to sexually. I wouldn't have let anything sexual happen because it makes me so uncomfortable.)

 

I identify as a panromantic woman, but it's my sexual orientation that confuses me. I'm romantically interested in everyone - I don't really act upon this, though - and I've never been sexually attracted towards anyone. I'm so opposed to the thought that I don't know how much it'll change.

 

Could I possibly be asexual? I tried to discuss it with my mother, and all she told me was that I'm too young to know. What is y'all's take on it?

[emilyemma]

I know this probably won't help, but I think usually you know this stuff early on, judging from how kids know their gender and whether they like boys or girls, so I wouldn't say that you're too young to know. Having said that, I started slowly getting more familiar and comfortable with sexual things in my 20s (I was definitely cringing at the thought throughout my teen years) so it is possible that when you mature as a woman, as well as when you meet the right person, you will change some of your attitude. I don't mean to invalidate asexuality here, it is possible that you are asexual, period, but the truth is, you will never know whether it could change, until it does.

[Dimity]

Just now, emilyemma said:

I don't mean to invalidate asexuality here, it is possible that you are asexual, period, but the truth is, you will never know whether it could change, until it does.

Very true! I've definitely taken this into account, and that's why I'm pretty hesitant to just slap a label on myself and move on. Thank you!

[Snao Cone]

It's certainly possible that you could be asexual. There's still a period of personal development ahead of you, though, so you might discover differently later on. Either way, it's not wrong to say you think you're asexual. If people seem to doubt you now, I would recommend you assert that asexuality is a legitimate thing, and it's what you feel you are. Everyone changes how they identify and describe themselves in a number of ways as they grow as people. You seem to have enough reason to identify as asexual now. It sounds like that's a practical way to go, if you have no desire or curiosity to explore a sexual relationship.

[The Gnat (Natalie)]

1 hour ago, emilyemma said:

I know this probably won't help, but I think usually you know this stuff early on, judging from how kids know their gender and whether they like boys or girls, so I wouldn't say that you're too young to know. Having said that, I started slowly getting more familiar and comfortable with sexual things in my 20s (I was definitely cringing at the thought throughout my teen years) so it is possible that when you mature as a woman, as well as when you meet the right person, you will change some of your attitude. I don't mean to invalidate asexuality here, it is possible that you are asexual, period, but the truth is, you will never know whether it could change, until it does.

I tend to agree with this, but I also want to add to it. Asexuality seems like maybe the most likely orientation to be realized later (i.e. past teen years) because most of us don't understand for a long time what sexual attraction is since we've never felt it. So I think if you already feel like you understand and identify with asexuality at a younger age, that's a pretty strong support for your really being asexual. And as others have said, you can always describe yourself differently later on if you start to feel like 'asexual' isn't the right word anymore. Don't stress too much  "Not straight but not sure otherwise" is a perfectly fine thing to be, too!  

[Yep, me]

3 hours ago, Dimity said:

Very true! I've definitely taken this into account, and that's why I'm pretty hesitant to just slap a label on myself and move on. Thank you!

Since asexualality is the lack of something, age doesn’t matter, asexualality means you don’t/haven’t felt sexual attraction, no matter what age.

[Snao Cone]

34 minutes ago, Zenzencat104 said:

Since asexualality is the lack of something, age doesn’t matter, asexualality means you don’t/haven’t felt sexual attraction, no matter what age.

Then nearly everyone pre-pubescent is asexual. I think the guidance people like the OP is asking for is whether their situation is a sign that they will continue to be this way into adulthood.

[Yep, me]

4 hours ago, Snao Cone said:

Then nearly everyone pre-pubescent is asexual. I think the guidance people like the OP is asking for is whether their situation is a sign that they will continue to be this way into adulthood.

You can’t see the future.

[MrDane]

Being a teenager means a full reconstruction of inner as well as outer you. Some get very ideological and some lose it again. My advice is: accept how you feel now. Be open to a possible change. Dont get the tattoo yet! 

[Rhaenys]

You're never to young to know. I used to see signs of my asexuality as a 5 year old plus I was just one year older than you when I confirmed I was ace.

[DragonflytotheMoon]

You're not too young. You're self aware & that's good. It's possible that you could change & evolve over time. As for some, these things can ebb & flow. I've always been self aware as well. When I was your age, I didn't know anything about being Ace (I'm Grace). Some terms probably came about more recently. Though, reflecting back, that's what I've been for as long as I can remember. I just didn't have the word for it. When I learned of it, I was able to understand myself better.

[Ace Of Cake29]

I thought I was too young to be asexual (I'm nearly 15) but thinking back, the signs have always been there. I was reluctant to call myself ace but now I'm proud to call myself asexual as I know 100% I am. I never wanted to marry, or have kids; the thought repulses me and I always wanted to adopt. I often feel sick at the mention of it.

It is true that some people are just inexperienced; I heard that to be considered ace you need to be 13+? Of course, only you know, so if you feel that the asexual label is right for you, go for it. You're never too young to know.

 

 

[TheAP]

Just now, Ace Of Cake29 said:

I heard that to be considered ace you need to be 13+? 

Not necessarily, but you do have to be 13+ to join this site.

[Homer]

On 9.11.2017 at 9:19 PM, MrDane said:

Being a teenager means a full reconstruction of inner as well as outer you. Some get very ideological and some lose it again. My advice is: accept how you feel now. Be open to a possible change. Dont get the tattoo yet! 

This should go on the front page banner.

[Fantastic Name]

I don't think you're too young. I'm the same age, and part of me has always known that I was a bit different in that way, too.

On 11/9/2017 at 3:19 PM, MrDane said:

Being a teenager means a full reconstruction of inner as well as outer you. Some get very ideological and some lose it again. My advice is: accept how you feel now. Be open to a possible change. Dont get the tattoo yet! 

This. Orientations can be fluid, after all. If you want to call yourself an ace because you feel like ace right now, go right ahead. If you find later on that another label fits you better, you can go with that. What you choose to identify as now is not the final verdict of what your identity has to be.  Again, be open to change.