NightCoyote Posted November 7, 2017 Share Posted November 7, 2017 Hi, I'm a 20 year old male. Diagnosed Aspergers and adhd. Not sure if this is the right area for this but yeah... I don't know how to start so I'm just jumping in here. I don't know what I am. I love the idea of emotional bromance but not physical. And, no offense, but I dislike being around women. Paranoia and anxiety, and whatnot. But I am physically attracted to them. I just HATE being actually touched by ANY one when aroused. Takes me out of it completely. Can't even fanaticize the face grosses me out. Before you try to burn me at the stake, I grew up around women. Some of the most emotionally taxing in my opinion. Not even mentioning the first crush that ended brutally with my heart squashed in front of a laughing crowd. So that's probably how I stopped being so submissive to women. Heck, I don't feel comfortable around women anymore. But the attraction to women ends at fantasy. I feel like gagging if I accidentally brush up against one. Maybe a mild gynophobia. Anyway most likely homoromantic, obviously. But I want to know if I'm asexual or just trying to convince myself to protect my emotions. I mean, I was sexualized at a young age. At 5 I would sneak and watch those infomercials for 'girls gone wild' that would air on MTV(?), was introduced to masturbating at 7 by a 8 year old friend, and had a porn addiction from 11 to 19. So have I been subconsciously objectifying women when in reality had no actual attraction anyway? I mean, I didn't know what an asexual was until a year ago when it clicked. But am I using it as an excuse to feel more unique to myself? Have I convinced myself asexual from putting scraps of past experiences together in mountain dew fueled sleepless nights. I've also heard a pseudo asexuality can occur from porn addiction. Desensitization and whatnot. But I never felt sexual pleasure from someone else. Am I just writing this to try to feel unique? Or am I being overly anxious? I wrote this to get an outside opinion because thinking about this is making my head hurt. Link to post Share on other sites
KendraPM Posted November 7, 2017 Share Posted November 7, 2017 I know your question is about your sexuality (and it does sound like you're asexual. I also describe myself as "people ruin sex for me," because I like the fantasy but the reality not so much. And imagining a real person, or putting features too, my fantasies ruin them as well. Sex without people=awesome, sex with people=no), but I have a question about your romantic attraction. You say you love the idea of an emotional bromance. Do you mean a romance with a man, or do you mean bromance as in the more common meaning of two really close male friends? If the former, than yes you are probably homoromantic... or you at least find the idea of a romance with a man appealing, whether you experience romantic attraction would be a different matter. If the latter than it sounds more like what you want is a close friendship or even a QPR over an actual romantic relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
roland.o Posted November 9, 2017 Share Posted November 9, 2017 Hello and welcome to the AVEN forums, NightCoyote! Have some cake... From what you write, you might be asexual or graysexual. It sounds as if your experiences have made you so sex-repulsed that you're not likely to experience sexual attraction either way. Of course, none of us can tell you what you are. You'll have to figure that out for yourself, if you care enough to ponder it. I'd recommend that you focus on your romantic and/or platonic feelings and find a way of living that makes you happy, without bothering too much about labels. Cheers and all the best! Link to post Share on other sites
Kersenne Posted November 9, 2017 Share Posted November 9, 2017 I used to ask myself the same question - whether I was making up my asexuality to make myself interesting, unique as you put it. I thought that perhaps I said I was asexual as an excuse not to have sex, an excuse to say I was scared to have sex in reality. But all things considered, I realised my asexuality was not an excuse, it was a reality. I'm asexual, just as much as others are hetero/homo/bisexual. So if you don't want to have sex with anyone, men or women, and you feel an attraction to men, then call yourself whatever you feel comfortable with But know that if you feel like you are asexual, it is not an excuse or anything. Asexuals are real and you are totally entitled to feel this way. Hope this helps you! Link to post Share on other sites
NightCoyote Posted November 9, 2017 Author Share Posted November 9, 2017 Thanks! Always helps to have an outside opinion sometimes. Cheers~! Link to post Share on other sites
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