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Evamylee

Lesbian relationship, how does sex work

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Evamylee

First of all hey :) I‘m new here.

I‘m 26, define myself as grey A/ demi and I‘m in a lesbian relationship for about a year now. I‘m not even sure if this is the right place to talk about my „problem“, but where else to go right?

 

Firts of all, to prevent any missunderstandings, maybe I should tell a litte more about how I see myself. I am probably homoromantic and demisexual. I say probably because I never felt attraction or even love for any other than my girlfriend. As for men I can‘t even tell if they are supposed to be attractive or not. For women I can but I don‘t have a type or anything because I‘m not attracted to anyone except my girlfriend and this only developed after we got to know each other better. 

 

So, for me, sex equals emotions. It‘s my way of being able to show how much I love that other person in that moment. It‘s not like sex is the only way of showing my love, but it‘s addicting to me because it‘s with my s/o. Something I only ever wanna do with her. 

 

Lately we were having problems with the whole thing. She‘s often to tired or simply not in the mood because you know work and all this stuff grown ups have to deal with. Her sexdrive isn‘t as high as mine anyways but yeah ok.

 

My problem now is, that I‘m really hurt everytime she‘s avoiding it. I know how stupid that is and the worst thing is that I myself don‘t even wan‘t to have sex because I‘m horny but simply because I want that closeness. 

 

She also said that sometimes it would be nice if I‘d try to turn her on with I REALLY DON‘T KNOW HOW. This is my second and maybe even bigger problem. I simply can‘t. I don‘t know what to do and I don‘t want to either. I feel like my brain doesn‘t work like that. How am I supposed to know what is sexy and even if I‘d ask her, I know I am not capable of doing this. We‘re not talking the really kinky stuff here. I‘m talking about being romantic and maybe a short striptease or something like that. Simply me being the one to initiate things, I can‘t. This feels so forced to me I can‘t even say how horrible this feels to me.

 

and now I feel like I‘m to less for her even thou I actually want to sleep with her. Also I feel that when we are having sex that it is amazing, but know I‘m not sure if this is only on my side and she actually wants something else...

 

All of this now sounds as if we‘re not talking to each other. We do, a lot, but I simply don‘t know how to get a grip of my own thoughts and how to tell her what my problem actually is. We have fought about this stupid sexthing a few times already. I think I‘m scared that she could come to the conclusion that I‘m not enough.

 

I don‘t know what I‘m even expecting from you all here now. Maybe anyone can relate a little or has some advice?

Sorry for this long post, seems like I had to get this out

 

thanks for any answers you might have :)

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Serran

Initiating doesn't have to be something like a strip tease. It can be something not quite as .... erm, involved. Run a bath and share it with candles. Serve a nice dinner and wear something nice, with an open invitation. Give her a massage. Wear a nice piece of lingerie. Whatever might work for her (you obviously know her best). 

 

Personally, when I initiated with partners, it tended to be the lingerie thing. It was easiest and most forward. But, occasionally it was laying in bed watching a movie and just letting hands wander to show intent. Or, even just being playful and letting it lead to things... like tickling and wrestling. I was never into the whole sexy strip tease sort of things. 

 

But, if none of it feels right to you, then you need to tell her you struggle with initiating. Maybe she could help you find a way that would be comfortable for you. 

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Jade Cross

Ironically, Im just now reading a manga where the relationship "activities" are the main characters struggle with his partner because the partner does things totally opposite of what normally couples would do and this irritates the other one.  

 

Now Im not relationships expert but I have to agree that there isnt a set rule or activity that must be followed in order to show intimacy. If anything, one should be creative and out of the norm. Or at least if I was in a relationship, thats how I would see it. Doing the same thing thousands of others do would seem boring to me and make me quickly lose interest.

 

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Evamylee

Hmh you're both right with what you're saying (and also thanks for answering so quick :cake:), I know there is no guideline to how you do this sort of things and all, but I can't even bring myself to initiate at all. This has been a problem for me since I had the first kiss.

I have to contiously force myself to even initiate a simple kiss. and this doesn't have to do anything with me not wanting to but I am scared. What I'm scared of? I got no idea seriously.

 

I'm probably simply the most shy and scared  person ever. I'm hating myself for being such a whiney dumbass over something so simple.

 

@Jade Cross May I ask what Manga you're reading? Sounds really interesting :)

 

Uh and thanks again for answering, it feels so good to be able to simply talk about it to people who don't judge.

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Serran

My partner is not good at initiating anything, either. But, it does help to talk about it, cause then I know how she feels and I don't have to feel like I'm pressuring if I do it. So, I'd say just talk about it with her :)

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