The-world-is-quiet-here Posted November 7, 2017 Share Posted November 7, 2017 Are there any particular analogies or descriptions you’d use to tell cisgender people how dysphoria feels? Or euphoria? Some that I was thinking of were: -that feeling of nails on a chalkboard when people misgender you -that panicky “that’s not me!” feeling when someone calls you by your sibling’s name, except when people use [birthname/deadname] for you There’s one aunt in particular of mine, whose son experiences gender euphoria a lot. I’ve talked to her about that, and that’s been super cool. That’s all i’ve got so far. I’d love to hear other stories or experiences. I’m going to try to come out to my dad (again), and be more vocal about him misgendering me. I think he doesn’t think it’s that big of a deal because I don’t correct him on it. But it does hurt me, most of the time. I’ll let you know how my trying to explain it to him goes Link to post Share on other sites
ChillaKilla Posted November 7, 2017 Share Posted November 7, 2017 Dysphoria: -Like a big bundle of anxiety and depression all balled up into one package of SUCK Misgendering/deadnaming: -Like a deer in the headlights. That feeling you got when you did something wrong as a kid and your parents yelled your name and you just KNEW they’d found out, and you feel your insides turn to ice and your throat close in panic and you just freeze. Euphoria: -Like self-confidence on steroids. Everything feels good because YOU feel good. Link to post Share on other sites
LeChat Posted November 7, 2017 Share Posted November 7, 2017 One transman said that he tries to explain it to cis people as, "Imagine if everyone referred to you as the opposite gender, all the time. It'd bother you. You wouldn't feel comfortable, because that's not how you identify. That's how it is for transpeople." Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted November 7, 2017 Share Posted November 7, 2017 34 minutes ago, InquisitivePhilosopher said: One transman said that he tries to explain it to cis people as, "Imagine if everyone referred to you as the opposite gender, all the time. It'd bother you. You wouldn't feel comfortable, because that's not how you identify. That's how it is for transpeople." The issue with that one is... a lot of people I know who are cis wouldn't be that bothered. I don't care at all if someone calls me a guy. I don't experience dysphoria, or identify strongly with my gender (I just am fine with how I was born) so it's not a big deal for me. And I wouldn't be able to relate to that analogy. Everyone has something they are insecure about though. So, the way I try to understand it is as if someone took one of my deepest insecurities and kept saying it's true. It would be highly uncomfortable and make me feel bad about myself. And, from what I understand, being misgendered does that to people with gender dysphoria. It's never going to be ideal, because I have no idea how bad it feels to have dysphoria, but that's about as close as I can think of for it, for me. Link to post Share on other sites
butterflydreams Posted November 7, 2017 Share Posted November 7, 2017 Hmm, how to describe dysphoria. I know the gut reaction is to just imagine what it would be like to be called the opposite gender all the time, but I don't think that's really accessible to cis people. It makes sense to us, but I don't know that a cis person could really empathize with that feeling. It would depend a lot on the specific person. For me at least, dysphoria is like a deadening. A deadening of senses and feelings and zest for life. It's kind of like depression in a way, and can certainly lead to it. Maybe that's a good way to describe it, a kind of depression. Tons of cis people would be familiar with how that feels. I also experience it as a kind of longing. Knowing I'll never be in alignment with my body. You can also describe it as a brain map being out of whack. I feel gross with certain parts of my body that are wrong, and neutral or good about the parts that are right. When I see myself now, I recognize that it's me. Obviously dysphoria is going to be differently experienced for everyone. I think it's hard to relay it in one package to a cis person. Link to post Share on other sites
Yep, me Posted November 7, 2017 Share Posted November 7, 2017 I have very ‘unique’ dysphoria, it makes it hard for some to understand, which is frustrating. But, I’m glad that I know exactly who I am, even if I don’t have words to explain it. Link to post Share on other sites
colossalpenguins Posted November 7, 2017 Share Posted November 7, 2017 37 minutes ago, InquisitivePhilosopher said: One transman said that he tries to explain it to cis people as, "Imagine if everyone referred to you as the opposite gender, all the time. It'd bother you. You wouldn't feel comfortable, because that's not how you identify. That's how it is for transpeople." It can go beyond feeling uncomfortable too. If the misgendering is constant and coming from a person who KNOWS you don't identify that way it can feel like an attack on your person and your right to be you. If someone who knows you identify as a certain gender constantly misgenders you both in public and private it can feel like they don't think your feelings matter, that making sure you feel comfortable both in yourself and in their presence is too much of an effort for them to be bothered with. A constant misgendering from someone who knows different can put a real strain on a relationship and the trust there. I'd say it's also pretty much always an awkward sort of jab in the gut feeling, misgendering brings attention back to the dysphoria so even if you've been having a super good day of feeling as like yourself as you can feel in the body you have (or whatever) if someone then starts misgendering you it draws your attention back to all the ways things feel wrong, it emphasises the bad things and downplays the good things. I think, overall, the attitudes of the people around you and the words they use can have a really big influence on your level of dysphoria, those you love and care about have a really big influence on these things whether you want them to or not. For me, dysphoria can be a very physical thing, a feeling of not wanting to touch anything or have anything touch me. All clothes are wrong, my arms making contact with my torso is wrong (which makes sitting, standing, walking, and generally existing really difficult some days) boobs in bras are wrong but boobs out of bras are also wrong. Nothing feels comfortable and everything is a reminder of that. I do feel like overall it's difficult to explain exactly but I feel like comfort, safety, self worth, trust of others, and confidence are all heavily influenced by dysphoria and exacerbated by misgendering (and, I'm sure other things as well) and when the dysphoria is being exacerbated by the actions of an individual who's been told multiple times all the positive aspects of these feelings can be worn down until you feel like you can't trust the world which just sort of piles on the feeling of not belonging in your own skin. I may be having a lot of trust issues with people right now. Link to post Share on other sites
LeChat Posted November 7, 2017 Share Posted November 7, 2017 Yes. He knows that it's more complicated than that; it's just one of his shortened, quick, simplified analogies that he uses to try to help cis people understand with as little confusion as possible, by trying to use examples they might easily understand or relate to. In other videos, he's said that he's used his "caged animal" analogy during live trans presentations he's given to the public and that that's the one that seems to help them understand a little of what it's like to be trans. (where he explains, "What is transgender?" and gives that analogy at around the 5:00 minute mark) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VRH0pwENbx8&list=PL7SgbxvTR7N5-jYeT2Coj99qnRQTIArKP (talks about dysphoria and how he explains it to others: he gives an "animal in a cage" analogy) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FiJQ2hDtZOw (where he talks about how he'd have trouble with his family members not using his new name) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mUeKm7g7C1o Link to post Share on other sites
vmdraco Posted November 7, 2017 Share Posted November 7, 2017 Attempts to explain gender dysphoria to cis people have ended in major confusion no matter how I try to explain it, but I'll try to give out a description in general. It feels like your body is in constant contact with something you can't wipe off; you keep trying to scrub that damn stovetop, but no matter how many Mr. Clean Magic Erasers you go through the stain is still there. It's a constant reminder that you burned something on the stove and you didn't take steps to avoid it or recognize that it happened, so you let it sit there for years until you finally acknowledged that it was there all along. For a while you forgot about the stain, but every time you cook something it was a gentle reminder, waiting for you to get your shit together and clean it up. This was the weirdest description of dysphoria what the fuck The responses from cis people, particularly my parents, have always been a "so what, why should you care about what other people think", or a "but people misgender other people all the time". Never mind that how I'm perceived is the main issue, not whether or not someone slips up. It's the basic human perception of how we see gender that makes living as a pre-hrt trans person a pain in the ass, not necessarily because someone slipped up but because I can't even breathe without someone pushing my AGAB in my face every time they talk to me. I know I've heard analogies before from cis guys, saying they wouldn't mind having breasts because they "get to touch them all the time". My response would be something along the lines of, "Yeah? Well you don't have an option to not touch them all the time. They're just there, forever, you can't change back once you're done having a good ol' time, its permanent. The fun of it will die off pretty quick once people start calling you a woman indefinitely." Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted November 7, 2017 Share Posted November 7, 2017 Gender Dysphoria explained to guys: Hey there, girl. How you're doing? :3 Now, If you didn't want to punch whomever in the face for saying that in a cute way. Well, I've got news for you... Egg. (This is kind of exaggerated joke) Link to post Share on other sites
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