Ruru+Saphhy=Garnet Posted November 7, 2017 Share Posted November 7, 2017 1 hour ago, InquisitivePhilosopher said: The 40-Year-Old Virgin didn't appeal to me, either. I looked at a few clips, years ago, because I was curious about why many people seemed to like it. I didn't like it because it seemed to portray the main, virgin character in a negative, mocking light, where he'd have hobbies that other adults considered to be childish and not mature or grown-up (like riding a bicycle to work, liking comics, etc.) But then, I heard that, in the end, the character meets someone and losses his virginity. To me, the movie seemed to be equating virginity with immaturity. ^^ I agree with this,totally👏 Sorry about your abuse, inquisitive philosopher *Hugs* As for me, I don't feel embarrassed about not having sex. I feel indifferent about it,actually. I'm private about my virginity and asexuality, so the fear about being ridiculed doesn't bother me much because no one would know one way or the other.😕 Link to post Share on other sites
Skycaptain Posted November 7, 2017 Share Posted November 7, 2017 Reference the OP. Guilt would be the wrong term. Conflicted maybe. There's a small part of my psyche which says (pardon the cliché) "you won't know until you've tried it", whereas the rest of me thinks that skydiving naked into a cactus patch without a parachute has greater appeal . Besides, it's (probably) not as if you are walking around with "I am still a virgin" tattooed on your forehead, anyway. Most people don't know or care about others sex lives, no matter what their pretence. Link to post Share on other sites
Ankh-Morpork Posted November 7, 2017 Share Posted November 7, 2017 My father bought that movie, so I've watched it with my family. Gross. (It was before I knew I'm asexual.) 8 hours ago, InquisitivePhilosopher said: I didn't like it because it seemed to portray the main, virgin character in a negative, mocking light This! One of the reasons I don't like Sheldon Cooper. 8 hours ago, InquisitivePhilosopher said: like riding a bicycle to work I never understood that one. I don't ride a bicycle myself (because I'm too lazy), but I know many people who do and nobody considers it not mature. It's more like "kudos you do sports every day". Link to post Share on other sites
anlin Posted November 7, 2017 Share Posted November 7, 2017 Not guilt but embarassment, yes. But it was more when I was younger, late teens and early twenties (I'm 30 now), and also before I knew I was asexual. It was difficult around the girlfriends in high school and also sometimes later but now I don't really care. But that is just my private feeling. I don't tell people and only one friend knows that I'm asexual. But now that I have known for a few years about my asexuality I think I could cope with a situation where it came up, but that is also because I feel confident that the friends with whom this conversation might happen would understand, or at least not mock me and let me explain. So hopefully you will feel better in a few years, if this bothers you now. Link to post Share on other sites
LeChat Posted November 7, 2017 Share Posted November 7, 2017 9 hours ago, Ankh-Morpork said: My father bought that movie, so I've watched it with my family. Gross. (It was before I knew I'm asexual.) This! One of the reasons I don't like Sheldon Cooper. I never understood that one. I don't ride a bicycle myself (because I'm too lazy), but I know many people who do and nobody considers it not mature. It's more like "kudos you do sports every day". I didn't like the Sheldon Cooper character, either. Since bike riding in the U.S. isn't as popular or as common for adults (slowly increasing, though), the way it is in other parts of the world, and most adults drive cars, the stereotype is that adults who don't drive or own cars aren't trying to be an adult, especially in smaller cities or rural areas where bicycle infrastructure (i.e., bike paths) doesn't exist and it's rare to see anyone ride a bicycle. Link to post Share on other sites
south paw Posted November 7, 2017 Share Posted November 7, 2017 no. I actually feel more proud on the inside about it. not proud as in walking around announcing it to the world...but just proud enough. Link to post Share on other sites
Rhaenys Posted November 8, 2017 Share Posted November 8, 2017 No. What I do with my body isn't society's decision and I don't need their unwelcome and unecessary opinions and feelings about it. I've never met a sexual who feels bad for having sex so honestly why should I feel ashamed for not having it? Link to post Share on other sites
everywhere and nowhere Posted November 8, 2017 Share Posted November 8, 2017 No. Actually, I'm proud of it. Not because having sex is supposedly wrong, but because not having sex is a non-conformist choice. Even while I'm not attractive and assailable as "you're not asexual, you just couldn't get laid anyway!" (and THIS actually hurts), the number of opportunities (which I didn't even consider using) was non-zero. Link to post Share on other sites
rallyprint Posted November 8, 2017 Share Posted November 8, 2017 I used to. I stopped after being in a few relationships, even though I'm still a technical virgin. The women I was with gave me exactly what I wanted out of a relationship, which happened to be different from sex. I'm still interested in having sex, and intend to someday, but that's mostly out of curiosity. The sexual act doesn't really appeal to me that much. So I'm pretty happy with my status. Link to post Share on other sites
biblios Posted November 24, 2017 Share Posted November 24, 2017 I actually have struggled with this quite a lot. I grew up thinking sex was a rite of passage and that if you didn't have it, you were missing out on something essential to the human experience or whatever. There was just so much emphasis in school (esp. sex ed) on how important virginity was and how hard it was to keep it because sex was supposedly so tempting for teenagers. I think I ended up equating virginity past a certain age with loserdom and feeling like I must be ugly since no one was trying to have sex with me in high school. When I got a boyfriend in high school, I was scared that he was going to want to have sex and that I would end up doing it just because I wanted to lose my virginity. Then when I started really thinking about how I was probably asexual in college, I *still* felt like I should have sex at some point just to say I had experienced it. I also didn't want to admit to anyone that I was "inexperienced." I then started to feel like virginity as a concept might not even be relevant to me as an asexual person because it carries with it this implication that I'm going to lose it at some point. If I might not ever have sex, then... I dunno, I don't really think of myself as a virgin or not-virgin, just as a person to whom those terms don't really apply. It's not a term that defines me as a person since sex is not really a part of my life. It's like saying I'm a "skydiving virgin" because I've never gone skydiving, when in reality I've never really wanted to skydive. Yes, "skydiving virgin" is technically true, but it doesn't actually tell you much about who I am or what I do with my life. Skydiving has no part in my life or my future plans, so why even use that label? P.S. Same with some other commenters, The 40-Year-Old Virgin really bugged me. Just from the title, I knew I never wanted to watch it. Link to post Share on other sites
Verb Posted November 25, 2017 Share Posted November 25, 2017 I'm comfortable with it in my skin, but I don't make it public information. I'm worried about the way people would react, even though I know that externally I could handle that situation with confidence. Personally, I don't really "self-identify" as a virgin. I dislike that word, and the negative connotations widely associated with it (Case in point: The 40-year-old Virgin). Rather than thinking of myself as someone who hasn't had sex, I think of myself as someone who doesn't have sex. The former indicates that sex is something that is waiting to happen, which....lol. No. I do worry about getting to the end of my life and dying alone, but that's my only concern with it. 6 hours ago, biblios said: I then started to feel like virginity as a concept might not even be relevant to me as an asexual person because it carries with it this implication that I'm going to lose it at some point. If I might not ever have sex, then... I dunno, I don't really think of myself as a virgin or not-virgin, just as a person to whom those terms don't really apply. It's not a term that defines me as a person since sex is not really a part of my life. It's like saying I'm a "skydiving virgin" because I've never gone skydiving, when in reality I've never really wanted to skydive. Yes, "skydiving virgin" is technically true, but it doesn't actually tell you much about who I am or what I do with my life. Skydiving has no part in my life or my future plans, so why even use that label? You know, the bizarre thing is I was planning to use the skydiving example in my answer too Great minds think alike! You covered the point very eloquently. Link to post Share on other sites
Warsaw Posted November 25, 2017 Share Posted November 25, 2017 Not a virgin, lost it at like 19, 11 years ago, wasn't a huge deal. Up to that point I openly admitted it, and wasn't ashamed of the fact, and definately no guilt, I don't do guilt. Lost it trying to figure things out in the military (extremely heteronormative.) Was put in scenarios where questions would be asked if I didn't act, and preferred to not have the questions asked. Link to post Share on other sites
Divide By Zero Posted November 25, 2017 Share Posted November 25, 2017 On 11/6/2017 at 9:44 AM, miettaisace said: Does anyone else feel bad or embarrassed that they havent had sex? Nope. In fact, I'm rather proud of never having sex. I have mentioned on AVEN a few times that I've never had sex (I prefer not to use the word virgin because it seems to come loaded with all sorts of negative connotations) but in the real world I don't mention it all because I know people will think I'm some sort of weird freak. My parents, my brother, and my closest friends all know that I've never had sex and they think I'm weird for not having had sex. Link to post Share on other sites
doggalogga Posted November 26, 2017 Share Posted November 26, 2017 I personally don't care, but the potential (and almost certain) reaction of others will not be to my liking However, I do not advertise the fact to others as they will be judgemental, where sexual activity is seen as a pastime rather than something that should be special and emotionally intimate Link to post Share on other sites
ben8884 Posted November 26, 2017 Share Posted November 26, 2017 No real embarrassment I remember when I was in my 20s telling people thst I was a virgin and them thinking it was a bigger deal than it was. I don't see it as a big deal. Link to post Share on other sites
AussieIsAce Posted November 28, 2017 Author Share Posted November 28, 2017 i dont see myself as a virgin because i feel like that means that i havent done something im suppose too do. im not a virgin cause im not sexual and never will be...its not that i havent done something its that ill never be doing it anyway so i feel like i should be excluded from the term virgin. im more of a non fucker i like to call myself. Link to post Share on other sites
Hermit Advocate Posted November 29, 2017 Share Posted November 29, 2017 No. I think I would feel pretty bad about myself if I went out and had sex with a person just to lose my V card. My virginity also doesn't define me. It doesn't make me better or worse than anyone else. It just means that I don't have to be concerned about getting pregnant or potentially getting an STD via sex. Link to post Share on other sites
Adventurefreak Posted December 17, 2017 Share Posted December 17, 2017 I don't think its a bad thing to not fuck at all. It is your personal choice of life But of course, some judgemental people have to make a fuss out of it. I hate people who put tags on virgins. If one doesn't want to fuck, its their matter & none of others business. They are strong enough to choose what they want. Its society which actually has a huge problem in rejecting & judging minorities' identity. There's no such thing that EVERYONE must do in life. That's a stupid concept invented by society & media. Each person is unique & have their own bucket list. If you don't want to tell people whether you have fucked or not, that also you can, its your choice, you have full right to keep that matter personal. Its you who defines your happiness, not society If not fucking makes you happy , its ok Its never a problem in not following the crowd, as long as you are happy Link to post Share on other sites
skyedive Posted December 17, 2017 Share Posted December 17, 2017 I used to. Well, not feel guilty as such, but I used to worry that the older I got without even having been in a relationship, the more awkward things would be if I did eventually meet someone I wanted to be with. But now that I have been in a relationship, I know with absolute certainty that I have no interest in ever having sex, and I'm perfectly comfortable with that. It's not something I want to advertise about myself though, but only because I don't want to deal with people's reactions, not because of any shame I feel. Oh, and I have to agree with the people who said they don't feel the term virgin really applies to them. It seems a bit like calling a cow vegetarian.. the cow didn't choose to be a herbivore and it won't stop being one if someone places a plate of meet in front of it. It simply isn't in its nature to eat meat. It's not in mine to have sex, but virginity implies a temporary state of a person not having had sex yet. Link to post Share on other sites
OpticCanoe Posted December 17, 2017 Share Posted December 17, 2017 About a year or so ago I used to feel really guilty about being a virgin - most of my friends were no longer virgins and some of them were making me feel uncomfortable/guilty about being a virgin, pressuring me into sex. But now I've dropped those friends and although I'm still the only virgin in my new friend group they don't make me feel bad about being a virgin. I've also had enough time to think about it all and realise that I don't need to feel guilty about being a virgin as it's my choice that I am so and I don't need other people making me feel bad or guilty or embarrassed over my own decision. So now I am no longer guilty or embarrassed about being a virgin Link to post Share on other sites
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