Should a FtM Still Have a Baby?

[Arthur/Artie]

I'm still pretty new here. I only have one other topic and it wasn't too popular, but this is the only place I feel like I can get genuine responses to. I'm a trans boy, but I haven't transitioned. I don't feel safe to do so where I live right now. Currently, I'm taking a lifespan development class, and I find myself with the strong urge to bare my own child in the future. My girlfriend has expressed to me that she does not wish to be pregnant, and I know some guys have done it in the past, but I don't know if I should wait to transition after having a child. It would be a long time in the future, and that's a long time to not be transitioning, or it seems like it to me at least. What do you think? Is waiting to have a baby of my own worth the dysphoria?

[Grumpy Alien]

It's entirely up to the person/couple. For some people, it's exactly what they want. For others, it only causes severe distress. It's something each person would have to evaluate within themselves.

[Arthur/Artie]

1 minute ago, Graceful said:

It's entirely up to the person/couple. For some people, it's exactly what they want. For others, it only causes severe distress. It's something each person would have to evaluate within themselves.

Thanks... That makes me feel a bit better about it... P.S. I totally relate to your signature.

[Emery.]

Up to you and how you feel comfortable  

[Crash1991]

It's totally up to you, I think it's hard for an outsider to decide.

 

But as a neutral person....I may be completely wrong because I don't know much about transitioning and such. but you get certain 'medicines' that will increase testosteron and such when you are transitioning to male right? I'm not sure if it will affect the breast milk or not and eventually the baby. Thats why I think I would personally first get a baby, make sure it has an healthy start and then go for transitioning.

 

But thats easy to say from a guy that does not have the desire to go for transition.

 

Best of luck making a decision

[Arthur/Artie]

1 minute ago, Crash1991 said:

It's totally up to you, I think it's hard for an outsider to decide.

 

But as a neutral person....I may be completely wrong because I don't know much about transitioning and such. but you get certain 'medicines' that will increase testosteron and such when you are transitioning to male right? I'm not sure if it will affect the breast milk or not and eventually the baby. Thats why I think I would personally first get a baby, make sure it has an healthy start and then go for transitioning.

 

But thats easy to say from a guy that does not have the desire to go for transition.

 

Best of luck making a decision

That's my big issue. I'm afraid that If I start transitioning and then decide to have a baby that it will have negative side effects on them...

[RiseOfCourage]

A fascinating and important topic. Yeah, it's definitely a personal thing, something to really meditate on. (You can be a mom AND a dad...how awesome is that!)

Importantly, you'd want to see how or if the body's hormones during pregnancy may affect any future transitioning. Is there a flood of estrogen that may increase breast size, etc.? And if that's a permanent thing or just while the baby is in there. Would it interfere with T hormone therapy down the road?

Much respect to you whatever your choice:-)

 

[NerotheReaper]

Good question, I don't really have a solid answer though.

 

I do believe it is up to the couple, and especially whoever would be carrying the child in this situation. I know some couples do surrogates, there are other options too. Pregnancy is a very very exhausting task, so whoever should be willing to put up with the morning sickness, the aches, feeling drained, and giving birth (A C-section is also an option, if natural birth isn't someone's favorite). Everyone in the relationship should be happy, and agree on what to do. Research and communicate, and hopefully you will come to an answer. 

 

I hope whatever you decide, I hope things go well! 

[just an owl]

If you were to wait and go on testosterone, you would have to stop taking it for the pregnancy, so that's worth keeping in mind. Other than that, it's up to you.

[Mezzo Forte]

Keep in mind that the moment you start testosterone, there's no guarantees about how that will impact your fertility. Also keep in mind that you need to be off T for a while before becoming pregnant and for the duration of the pregnancy. I wish I considered freezing my eggs before starting T, because there's no way I could do it now; pausing HRT that long would be too dangerous for my mental health. 

 

Just make sure you do a lot of introspection and research to figure out what you are comfortable with in regards to pregnancy and fertility risks.

[butterflydreams]

10 hours ago, Mezzo Forte said:

Keep in mind that the moment you start testosterone, there's no guarantees about how that will impact your fertility. Also keep in mind that you need to be off T for a while before becoming pregnant and for the duration of the pregnancy. I wish I considered freezing my eggs before starting T, because there's no way I could do it now; pausing HRT that long would be too dangerous for my mental health. 

This mimics my experience as well (from the other side, obviously). Before I started HRT at all, the doctor warned me, “fertility is one of the first things to go.” If I wanted to “save some” now, I’d have to get off HRT for several weeks and there’s no guarantee the factory would fire back up at all. That pause would devastate me as well. So as much as I want kids, it looks like it won’t happen. Banking sperm or eggs isn’t cheap either, so it’s only really a smart option if you know you’re going to have kids within 5 years or so. Right now I’m working on just accepting that I won’t be able to have biological children. Not everyone can. You know? And there’s nothing to be ashamed of. I had promised myself I would just put it it god’s hands, and not get any surgeries, but I just can’t last that long. 

[Mezzo Forte]

6 minutes ago, butterflydreams said:

This mimics my experience as well (from the other side, obviously). Before I started HRT at all, the doctor warned me, “fertility is one of the first things to go.” If I wanted to “save some” now, I’d have to get off HRT for several weeks and there’s no guarantee the factory would fire back up at all. That pause would devastate me as well. So as much as I want kids, it looks like it won’t happen. Banking sperm or eggs isn’t cheap either, so it’s only really a smart option if you know you’re going to have kids within 5 years or so. Right now I’m working on just accepting that I won’t be able to have biological children. Not everyone can. You know? And there’s nothing to be ashamed of. I had promised myself I would just put it it god’s hands, and not get any surgeries, but I just can’t last that long. 

If you don't mind me asking, do you need to go off hormones at all before surgery? My surgeons always ask that I go at least two weeks off T when I've had procedures done, but that's likely due to blood clot risks specific to T. If timed right, you might be able to preserve some material right before bottom surgery, depending on your comfort.

 

 

At the time I started T, I was too desperate for children to be anywhere on my radar. I knew that I never wanted to get pregnant, and the thought of being a mother simply horrified me. It wasn't until after I started T that I realized that I would be more receptive to the idea of being a father.

 

That said,  the chances of me actively trying to have kids are pretty small, and it definitely wouldn't happen anytime soon. Being aro/ace makes finding a partner not really worth the effort, but I'd rather avoid being a single parent. Plus, I'm applying for doctoral programs, and that could take 6~8 years to finish, so children wouldn't even be on my radar for at least a decade. 

 

Honestly, there was no guarantee of my fertility even pre-T, as my mother had fertility issues without factoring in something like testosterone. If I tried to preserve eggs now, there's no guarantee that any of them would even be viable. Plus, I'm very aware of what the egg extraction process is like, and it'd be traumatic enough even without the stress of going off T. Why spend all that time/money and risk jeopardizing my mental health for a slim chance to get viable eggs that I may never use?

 

I have close blood relatives offering to donate their eggs for me, so I still have ways to have closely-related children if I end up feeling strongly about that in the future. Plus, a friend mentioned how scientists have apparently managed to rewrite an egg cell with someone else's DNA (or something to that effect), so who knows what options may exist in the future. Besides, adoption is always on the table, and I wouldn't mind using that as a way to particularly help LGBT youth.

[butterflydreams]

5 minutes ago, Mezzo Forte said:

If you don't mind me asking, do you need to go off hormones at all before surgery? My surgeons always ask that I go at least two weeks off T when I've had procedures done, but that's likely due to blood clot risks specific to T. If timed right, you might be able to preserve some material right before bottom surgery, depending on your comfort.

Yes, you do have to come off hormones before surgery. I honestly can’t afford to preserve any material without an end date. Do I really expect to be in a stable, hopefully married, relationship within 5 years? I’d love to be, but I’m not optimistic. Besides, it’s not super likely I’ll end up in a relationship with a woman anyway, so I’d also have to contend with the issue of surrogacy or something. The Universal Mind is telling me this isn’t for me. I believe a solution will present itself. So I basically need to grieve the loss of not being born female and find a way to move on.

 

10 minutes ago, Mezzo Forte said:

Besides, adoption is always on the table, and I wouldn't mind using that as a way to particularly help LGBT youth.

I’d only want to adopt really young. It’s important to me to get the experience of really raising a child from the start, or as close to the start as possible. Getting to be there for all those important early moments and being the mom that my mom used to be with me.

[Mezzo Forte]

15 minutes ago, butterflydreams said:

I'd only want to adopt really young. It’s important to me to get the experience of really raising a child from the start, or as close to the start as possible. Getting to be there for all those important early moments and being the mom that my mom used to be with me.

I consider myself really awkward with children, so I'm not opposed to adopting older.  That said, I'm personally more drawn to the idea of biological children, and I'd be willing to deal with the early stages of parenting for that. As much as I'd prefer biological kids though, I doubt any of it would matter in the moment, whether I adopted or had a surrogate with full/partial blood relation.

 

(I'm really curious to see what the future has in store though, as the option to have biological children may extend to those who no longer produce sex cells. Guess that's a perk to me not wanting to think about having kids anytime soon.)

[butterflydreams]

55 minutes ago, Mezzo Forte said:

I consider myself really awkward with children, so I'm not opposed to adopting older.  That said, I'm personally more drawn to the idea of biological children, and I'd be willing to deal with the early stages of parenting for that. As much as I'd prefer biological kids though, I doubt any of it would matter in the moment, whether I adopted or had a surrogate with full/partial blood relation.

I’d definitely prefer to have biological children as well, but I was born without the equipment. I think I can get over it though. Some women can’t have children of their own. It’s ok. It doesn’t make me or any of them less. My brother said he’d like to have kids someday, so maybe I could be really involved in their lives as an aunt. It won’t be the same, but maybe it would be close.

 

I also know that despite not saying it, my mom is pretty hurt that I’m unlikely to have kids. I think she thought I was the sure thing among my siblings. 

 

All of this stuff is actually really on my mind lately, because I had some time this weekend to really reflect on why I want kids. I didn’t have that answer before. Just a vague feeling, but now I have a really good why.

[Emery.]

I would want biological children, because I’m terrified that people who have most children live in not really civillised circustances and have the children irresponsibly, and the come to this world in environments that think like back in the Dark Ages, and I don’t want the world to look like this and I don’t want to perpetuate it. I have good health. I can put up with pregnancy. Even though I myself am not really into children and if I had more relatives, I would rather not have any children. Just a lover. And a job or a PhD.