Fairytale99 Posted November 5, 2017 Share Posted November 5, 2017 Around May of 2017 I told my best friend that I might be asexual, and she just laughed at me and said “what you!? Yeah whatever”. Later that week I tried to tell my other close friend and she didn’t believe me. Makes me feel kinda bad, because the people around me support there friends who are gay, pansexual, bisexual, queer, lesbian, etc. But the thought of me not being sexually attracted to someone is bizarre. Do they think that asexuals have a physical stereotype, is that why they dismiss me about it? I talk about guys a lot, but it’s a romantic and aesthetic attraction. I don’t know. I wish they could just support me...I wish I wasn’t scared to not talk about it with anyone. Link to post Share on other sites
Philip027 Posted November 5, 2017 Share Posted November 5, 2017 The prevailing idea, unfortunately, is that everyone has to have some kind of "deal" when it comes to sexuality. Despite that though, your friends are still kinda dicks for not listening to you when you're trying to open up about something personal. Link to post Share on other sites
Semiterrestrial Scientist Posted November 5, 2017 Share Posted November 5, 2017 Hello 👋🏼 Sorry about your friends not accepting you. That’s tough. You can always come here if you need a friend. They might be confusing aesthetic and romantic attraction with sexual attraction. This can happen to people who don’t know the difference. Here’s some cake to cheer you up 🎂 Link to post Share on other sites
thylacine Posted November 5, 2017 Share Posted November 5, 2017 Philip is right. Your "friends" are kinda dicks. Link to post Share on other sites
LeChat Posted November 5, 2017 Share Posted November 5, 2017 1 hour ago, Fairytale99 said: ...Do they think that asexuals have a...stereotype, is that why they dismiss me about it? I talk about guys a lot, but it’s a romantic and aesthetic attraction. I don’t know. I wish they could just support me...I wish I wasn’t scared to not talk about it with anyone. Hello. If you're still in school, your friends might just be uneducated about asexuality and what asexuals are like. It's possible that they're mistaking your conversations about guys for the way they talk and feel about their own crushes, or sexual attractions when they talk about guys/girls, etc. I don't know whether this'll help your friends understand, but have you tried mentioning to them how hurt you feel by their words and that you wish they could just support you, or pointing out that some asexuals can have romantic crushes? If they still don't understand, then try not to take it personally. Perhaps they're too young and developmentally unable to at the moment, and hopefully they might realize their mistake when they're older and more mature. Link to post Share on other sites
Alex Hamato Posted November 5, 2017 Share Posted November 5, 2017 10 hours ago, Fairytale99 said: Around May of 2017 I told my best friend that I might be asexual, and she just laughed at me and said “what you!? Yeah whatever”. Later that week I tried to tell my other close friend and she didn’t believe me. Makes me feel kinda bad, because the people around me support there friends who are gay, pansexual, bisexual, queer, lesbian, etc. But the thought of me not being sexually attracted to someone is bizarre. Do they think that asexuals have a physical stereotype, is that why they dismiss me about it? I talk about guys a lot, but it’s a romantic and aesthetic attraction. I don’t know. I wish they could just support me...I wish I wasn’t scared to not talk about it with anyone. One time I did this weird thing where I tried eHarmony even though I had no desire to date because I had some obsession with feeling "normal" and freaked out when the dude pushed sex on me and was all, "I'm asexual!" Then he got all mad and was all, "I get really pissed when people say they're asexual because that just means they're a plant!" Or something to that effect. Which is stupid because REPRODUCING asexually and being asexual is not even close to the same thing. He just didn't understand why I didn't want his dick. Because he was a dick. I guess my coping for, uh... that sort of stuff was cracking jokes? I mean, I know it sucks that you can't talk to your friends. But I found a lot of my classmates wouldn't be open to the idea either. Although my close friends in the LGBTQ community were actually the ones who told me about asexuality. So, uh, if these people are really dismissive about your feelings and throwing in your face that asexuality is just bullshit or whatever, maybe you can take a step back and try to logic at them what it is? And if that doesn't work, look into expanding your social network to meeting new people? Feeling safe in your environment is extremely important for your mental health, for sure. I just suppress everything and refuse medical help because I don't have a soul. It's been replaced with sarcasm and memes. So... yeah... I'm sorry I'm really bad at advice. I'm super new to this, uh... community? I don't even know if I'm a part of it. I'm just kinda here. And trying to meet people. You seem really nice though. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that the, "Do they think that asexuals have a physical stereotype, is that why they dismiss me about it?" I think that this could be really possible too. Since a lot of people can't imagine not wanting sex. I guess? Like it must be a physical defect. Even I still think that I probably have one although I have a history of ovarian cysts and menstrual irregularities that back up my issues. I just hate doctors and don't want to go check it out. In your case, I highly doubt it's a physical problem like a hormonal imbalance which I'm sure a lot of people will jump too. People have this weird thing where they don't want to normalize what they deem "unnatural" even though something like asexuality and homosexuality are actually very natural. It's just not normalized by society especially since, well... sex is everywhere. Like everywhere. Just look at advertisement alone and you'll see what I mean. There's a reason why a "sex sells" is so commonly said among advertising companies. It's totally true. Wow. This post was way too long. Nobody will care about this. I'm so sorry. I will totally shut up now. Ha... ha ha ha ha... ha ha... Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Jetsun Milarepa Posted November 5, 2017 Share Posted November 5, 2017 they need pointing to these resources. Or to have a copy of 'The Invisible Orientation'.... Link to post Share on other sites
Alex Hamato Posted November 5, 2017 Share Posted November 5, 2017 1 minute ago, chandrakirti said: they need pointing to these resources. Or to have a copy of 'The Invisible Orientation'.... The Invisible Orientation - here's the Amazon link to it if they want to buy it...? Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Jetsun Milarepa Posted November 5, 2017 Share Posted November 5, 2017 Yes! thanks! any opportunity to broaden horizons and educate shouldn't be missed. Link to post Share on other sites
thylacine Posted November 6, 2017 Share Posted November 6, 2017 I read the Invisible Orientation. It's a good book. I recommend it. Also this new book Asexual Perspectives is good, too. Link to post Share on other sites
Kersenne Posted November 6, 2017 Share Posted November 6, 2017 Do your friends know what asexuality is all about? Perhaps it could help them understand you if they understand what asexuality it, and what it means to you. And if they are real friends to you, they will listen and accept it. And you can tell them that it is not because you talk a lot about guys that it means you want to have sex with all of them... you can turn the questions around, like "so everytime you see a nice guy you want to have sex with him?" or "but then how did you know you were hetero/homo/bi/anything else sexual?". Any answers they give you, you can use for yourself For instance, if they reply "I didn't need to have same gender sex to know I was heterosexual" then you can reply "I didn't need to have sex to know I was asexual". Hope you'll be able to talk to them! Link to post Share on other sites
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