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Am I too young to be asexual?


NikolaiBrokeTheZoom

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NikolaiBrokeTheZoom

Hi! so ive recently gotten an account on Aven - i found this website as i was googling this very question, and it was like super helpful, but i was hoping to get some more personalised responses?? idk. but aanyways.

 

I am 14 years old, and i think i might be asexual. ive only recently discovered what it is, and im still not 100% sure what it covers exactly, but from what i have found out, it seems to fit me pretty well. to me sex feels like a kind of pointless, rhythmic, animalistic ritual(?), is probably the best way to describe it, and i guess im just not too fond of having penises/vaginas on or in me in any way? when i imagine myself in relationships in the future (i definitely feel romantic attraction), to me, a partner is someone you have a strong emotional bond with, and who you can have talk about anything with, who you can enjoy their company, with the added bonus of hugs and kisses. just like a bestfriend you kiss i guess? but i just dont see the necessity in having sex in a relationship (obviously at an older age). i feel like in tv shows and in media, it is like an unspoken rule that if you are in a relationship, and you love each other, you have to have sex? and if you arent ready to in relationship, thats it- you just 'arent ready yet', but it will happen in the future.

 

thats just kinda my stance on the whole relationship/sex thing, but what im most worried about, is that i only have these feelings because im young? am i just too young to understand? maybe no one my age wants sex yet? perhaps its a hormone thing? idk.

 

opinions are appreciated!!

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Hey and welcome :)

 

Not having had this kind of feelings at 14 is a perfectly normal and average experience. Most people develop their sexual orientation by the age of 16; a few take longer. It's still highly likely to happen at this point; the chance of nothing happening is pretty slim (not non-existant, mind). Things could look waaaay different in a couple of months, so I'd just recommend not to get all worked up on slapping a label on your forehead. Just live your life and do your thing; whatever is going to happen is going to happen - and if nothing ever happens at all, that's fine too.

 

Best of luck :cake:

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Salutations! Welcome to AVEN! I am Nemu

 

Nah, you're definitely not too young to identify as ace. However, you can still change during the months if you don't feel like ace suits or something happens. Heck, even I thought it was hormones back when I was 13 at the time when I was finding my sexuality, and now i'm ace and biromantic. There is no rush in trying to find your orientation. Kepp cool and just flow with it. 

 

 A cakeirino for you! :cake:

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Semiterrestrial Scientist

Hey 👋🏼 I’m 14 as well (almost 15) and I identify as asexual, kinda. I haven’t really come out to many people but I am asexual. So no, you are not too young. Welcome to AVEN btw! 🎂 

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I realized that I was asexual when I was about 14 to 15, so no! You're not too young! 

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Also, welcome to Aven! Folks here are nice. Have some cake! :cake::cake:

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Most people do feel attracted before they're 14, from what I've heard... I don't think you're too young! 

 

If it helps, I only just figured out that most humans experienced sexual desire for one another just a year ago

... .-. 

And then I started wondering why I wasn't.

 

So, welcome to the land of :cake:!!

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Guest Deus Ex Infinity

It's really not a matter of age but your very own mental/physical experience. While it may be possible to change over time it's still a valid identity at any moment of your life when it feels right to you.

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I don't think you're too young either. But I think you should take your time finding out about yourself and don't get rushed into anything, including applying a label to yourself. But if it's any help, this has been my experience:

 

Until I was 23 I didn't know there was a term for it, or rather, that it was sexual orientation, but I knew I wasn't the same as the other girls when I was about 11/12. They all used to fill their school folders with posters of pop/movie/tv stars and fantasize/drool over them, and I completely failed to understand it. By the time I reached my teens, I'd put myself firmly in the category of 'Just not interested' and in fact repulsed by the whole sexuality thing. I went through years of thinking "I am sane the rest of the world is mad", but as I've never fitted in anywhere for multiple reasons, being 'abnormal' was no change to my norm (if that makes any sense).

I don't think sex is pointless by any means, sadly it's rather essential to the continuation of the human race, but it's just not for me.

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Hey! I'm 14 too! I think that being Ace doesn't really have to do with age. I joined recently too and there is a lot of things I don't understand about myself. I feel that you should try things out and see what happens. But don't do anything you're not comfortable with. I also have a lot of the same views as you. A lot of my friend talk about wanting to have their own kids in the future but I just have no interest. If you want to talk to me you can or you can talk to everyone on AVEN. Everyone here is awesome and have some good advice.  

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The Gnat (Natalie)

Hi, welcome to AVEN! I wanted to comment because I honestly almost started crying reading your post because you sound exactly like 14-year-old me. (I'm 21 now, btw.) I spent years, even after I learned the word 'asexual,' thinking about sex and sexuality and going "I just don't get it. Why don't I get it? When am I going to get it?" And for as long as I can remember I've thought of a hypothetical romantic partner as "a best friend but with slightly more hand-holding." I just heard so much of my own voice in your post. So here are my thoughts on your post/some things I wish I could go back in time and tell my teenage self, who was so deep in the closet she didn't even realize she was there:

 

There's a part of me that wishes I would have realized I was ace sooner because that didn't come for me until a couple months ago. Because of my upbringing in school, I had a lot of internalized queerphobia that prevented me from even letting myself consider the possibility of not being straight. The fact that you're already open to the possibility of being queer and willing/able to think critically about what you're feeling is awesome! The best advice I can give you is: "I feel like I'm probably not straight/cis, but I don't have any idea beyond that" is a perfectly valid thing to be. I struggled for a long time with 'straight' not feeling right but every other word I knew to try feeling even less right, so I completely understand wanting to find a word that fits you ASAP, but there really is no rush if you can't find one that feels right. Give it time, and I promise it'll come eventually.

 

If you do feel pretty strongly that you've found your word and your biggest reservation about it is that your feelings may change later, my advice would be go for it. Use the word. I described myself as straight for the first 19.9 years of my life. I told my friends and family that I was straight. I really believed that I was straight because I didn't understand what sexual attraction actually was. And a month ago I realized I was wrong, and I called my mom and told her 'Nevermind. I had it all wrong. I'm actually ace.' And it wasn't a big deal at all. At 14, sure, there's still a possibility that you could come out on the other side of adolescence not being ace, but honestly, there's still a possibility that I could turn out not to be ace. I'm demiromantic, and I've only had one crush, ever, in 21 years, so I'm fully aware that maybe I'll still experience sexual attraction someday, too. If I ever do, I'll pick a new word to describe myself. But that doesn't change the fact that, right now, 'asexual' is the only orientation I've ever been able to call myself without feeling a huge knot in my stomach. And for right now that's enough.

 

So my answer is no, you're not too young to describe yourself as asexual. Yes, your feelings may someday change, and it's completely okay if they do. But it's also worth mentioning that, in my experience, allosexual people are almost all very clear on the fact that they're allosexual by the time they're 14. You know yourself best, and if 'asexual' is the word that feels right to you, I think you should take it and run with it.

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NikolaiBrokeTheZoom

 

4 hours ago, The Gnat (Natalie) said:

Hi, welcome to AVEN! I wanted to comment because I honestly almost started crying reading your post because you sound exactly like 14-year-old me. (I'm 21 now, btw.) I spent years, even after I learned the word 'asexual,' thinking about sex and sexuality and going "I just don't get it. Why don't I get it? When am I going to get it?" And for as long as I can remember I've thought of a hypothetical romantic partner as "a best friend but with slightly more hand-holding." I just heard so much of my own voice in your post. So here are my thoughts on your post/some things I wish I could go back in time and tell my teenage self, who was so deep in the closet she didn't even realize she was there:

hi! thank you!!! i wanted to cry reading all of your posts because i have honestly never been able to talk about any of this with anyone! and 'a best friend with more hand-holding' - yes, exactly.

 

4 hours ago, The Gnat (Natalie) said:

There's a part of me that wishes I would have realized I was ace sooner because that didn't come for me until a couple months ago. Because of my upbringing in school, I had a lot of internalized queerphobia that prevented me from even letting myself consider the possibility of not being straight. The fact that you're already open to the possibility of being queer and willing/able to think critically about what you're feeling is awesome! The best advice I can give you is: "I feel like I'm probably not straight/cis, but I don't have any idea beyond that" is a perfectly valid thing to be. I struggled for a long time with 'straight' not feeling right but every other word I knew to try feeling even less right, so I completely understand wanting to find a word that fits you ASAP, but there really is no rush if you can't find one that feels right. Give it time, and I promise it'll come eventually.

this was so helpful! this is exactly how i felt for about a year-ish: i dont think im straight, but i don't really know what else there is. and just the whole heteronormative things where before i even had a sexuality i was supposedly straight, and i just stuck with it until i realised it just really didn't feel right to me. 

 

thank you for sharing :)))

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NikolaiBrokeTheZoom

 

13 hours ago, Cup-of-cake said:

Also, welcome to Aven! Folks here are nice. Have some cake! :cake::cake:

thank you! and i completely agree.

here is some cake for you as well :cake:

 

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NikolaiBrokeTheZoom
18 hours ago, Homer said:

Hey and welcome :)

 

Not having had this kind of feelings at 14 is a perfectly normal and average experience. Most people develop their sexual orientation by the age of 16; a few take longer. It's still highly likely to happen at this point; the chance of nothing happening is pretty slim (not non-existant, mind). Things could look waaaay different in a couple of months, so I'd just recommend not to get all worked up on slapping a label on your forehead. Just live your life and do your thing; whatever is going to happen is going to happen - and if nothing ever happens at all, that's fine too.

 

Best of luck :cake:

yes, i completely agree with this, which is what worries me. i really wish that it could be simple, and i could have something i could identify as, because i would like people to know im not straight, but what if what i originally think i am changes in a few months! (grr teenage brain and hormones)

 

i really just want to have something i can call myself, and tell people (including myself) what i am, because it just makes me feel really uncomfortable/unhappy with people assuming i am a heterosexual cisgendered female- but i don't really know just yet what i am, i just know im not that.... idk :/ 

 

thinking of going with queer, so that there's room to change/specify as i find out/get older :)

 

:cake:

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NikolaiBrokeTheZoom
16 hours ago, nemu_X said:

Salutations! Welcome to AVEN! I am Nemu

 

Nah, you're definitely not too young to identify as ace. However, you can still change during the months if you don't feel like ace suits or something happens. Heck, even I thought it was hormones back when I was 13 at the time when I was finding my sexuality, and now i'm ace and biromantic. There is no rush in trying to find your orientation. Kepp cool and just flow with it. 

 

 A cakeirino for you! :cake:

Greetings, my good sir! i muchly appreciate the thoughts! yeah i think i may be asexual/panromantic.... maayy beeee ^_^

thank you for the cake, and i shall try to 'kepp cool' :))

here is a cake for you :cake:

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NikolaiBrokeTheZoom
15 hours ago, Syrthia said:

Hey 👋🏼 I’m 14 as well (almost 15) and I identify as asexual, kinda. I haven’t really come out to many people but I am asexual. So no, you are not too young. Welcome to AVEN btw! 🎂 

hello fellow fourteen-year old! and, same- no one outside of the internet world has any idea i am not cis/het.

thank you for all the cake btw, i have no idea what it means, but its lovely nonetheless lol

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I believe that with experience and exposure, or, a deep understanding of oneself only people can confidently say something about their sexuality. 14 is too young an age to conclude. Why don't you explore yourself and not try to stick any label for yourself for the time being? You may be surprised at what you find :-)

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6 hours ago, NikolaiBrokeTheZoom said:

i really just want to have something i can call myself, and tell people (including myself) what i am, because it just makes me feel really uncomfortable/unhappy with people assuming i am a heterosexual cisgendered female- but i don't really know just yet what i am, i just know im not that....

Why not just go with that? "I'm not sure at this point." Granted, it doesn't really fit into a box and it's not one of those fancy tumblr labels, but it's both accurate and flexible.

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Hey bup!  

 

(its a word I use like "dude" but without specifying a gender)

Ya know what? Im 14 too.  (like alot of people who have answered to this it seems)

 

Your sexuality is you.  No one else can put a label on you.  Your the only one who can do that and even if you don't, thats ok too

 

I am at a place where I am figuring out what to label myself as.  the one thing I keep in mind is that the label can change, or even come off

(I like to think of it like a sticky note label,  cuz it can come off and go back on)

 

There are so many labels out there,  

 

if you really want a label but you don't know exactly what you are yet... graysexual is a term that encompasses all over the asexuality spectrum.  I refered myself as gray for a while as I was figuring everything out.  

 

YOU ARE NOT TOO YOUNG TO CALL YOURSELF ANYTHING.

people date and have sex at this age.  plus your sexuality is ever evolving.  Just cuz you call yourself something now doesn't mean that it is non-changeable.  

 

if the term is something you feel matches you, then use it.  If not.  thats fine. 

 

SEXUALITY IS EVER EVOLVING THERE IS NO FOREVER LABEL.

 

be strong bup,  <3

ever need to talk, contact me

 

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I don't really know if I have a say in this as I'm 14 myself but I also feel that the asexual label fits me pretty well. I discovered it about a year ago and still feel the same, however I still think that's it's best to keep an open mind just in case :cake:

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